Givenup

Date posted: 25d

UPDATE

UPDATE: ive reduced my posts to once per day in hopes of trying to overcome this... but right now... i genuinely feel so horrible and anxious that i need to post... (For context, in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent a n00d to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly explicitly chatted wjth a minor... i know that this is all my fault, but still...) Its making me feel like I cant remember things properly... making me think i unknowingly explicitly chatted with a minor online or being catfished by a man or kid... making me question every woman Ive ever been flirted with or explicitly chatted with... intrusive thoughts of me "explicitly cybering with a minor or a man" and of me going to jail because my worst fear of "unknowingly cybering with a minor(s), or being catfished by one" coming true... im genuinely depressed... and I feel so alone... uncertainty has brought me nothing but hell... and theres no getting out... it feels like im waiting every day for my intrusive thoughts and fears to be proven right, and ending up with me going to jail... I have never felt more alone... I just keep getting intrusive thoughts that one day, when I become famous or get my dream job, im going to get a future moment of any girl I explicitly cybered with in the past, saying... "Hey, I was a minor when we cybered and while you didnt know, im going to get you arrested or cancelled." Or that im gonna get catfished by a dude pretending to be a woman online... Im genuinely scared of the future... and this is honestly why I dont want to be famous or an influencer... Because not only do i fear someone will "expose" me for my POCD and my Real Events OCD, but im also scared about this entire situation...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

Okay but you did not know so you did nothing wrong as you thought she was 18+. You did your best with the information you had at the time. Be kind to yourself you did not know at the time.

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal I assumed women were 18+ on an explicit chat discord server i was on... while some were verified to be 18+, others werent verified... but I assumed they were because of the fact it was an 18+ server, so i assumed everyone was an adult... for me, I fear the future everyday... as well as despise my past... I dont belong in this world...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup You do belong. You are just struggling. You thought that she was 18+ due to the server. It is not your fault. I think you would really benefit from therapy from a nocd therapist.

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal obtaining a diagnosis for OCD will disqualify me from the HPSP scholarship... its a military scholarship that pays for your whole tuition for Medical School, with the addition of a monthly stipend, in exchange for serving in active duty for the amount of years you went to Medical School to...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup I understand but you are struggling so it would be a benefit to get specialized therapy that way you can get better and it will help in the long run so you are not stuck in the ocd cycle.

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal I know im struggling... this is the most amount of mental anguish i have ever been in... but right now... I am doing this for the long term... to pay for my medical school... to be a better man... to provide my family a financially secure future... i am thinking of the long term... i just need tk suffer a bit longer...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup I understand that but your mental health is important. It is like a medical condition it needs treatment

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal I know... and thank you for constantly commenting and helping me under my posts... your words really do mean so much more than you know...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup Ok just take in to consideration what i said as I dont want you are anyone to be stuck in the cycle. We all deserve treatment for ocd.

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal I will... and you deserve treatment so much more than I do...

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup I am in treatment but thank you 😊

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: 25d

@@sophiaevidal That is why I recommend it because I see the good in it. It has really saved me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25d

What's your dream job?

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@Anonymous A psychiatrist... i wanna help other people out with their mental health and make sure they understand they arent alone... and I can help them as much as i can...

Givenup

Date posted: 25d

@Anonymous It's because of my OCD that i wanted to be a psychiatrist or a psychologist specifically...

Idontknow

Date posted: 25d

@Givenup Good!!! Help people!!! You got this you can do it!!!!

jsatt8

Date posted: 18d

Again. Youre looking for reassurance in this thread, but that is a compulsion. I had a very similar experience with a girl who lied about their age on a dating app and I took a day to cut it off when i figured out after we'd been talking for a week. I still feel remorse about the event, but not as much as I did, and I also have the fear of ruining their life, doing it again in the future, or getting a future perfect dream job or life ruined because of it. These have also gotten better. You want to fully recount the event as you remember it without any validation seeking, then the fears associated with it in a separate paragraph. Read over the event, feel terrible, then go do something you enjoy that is positive to yourself and you enjoy even while feeling terrible about it. Eventually, read over the event and the fears all at once, feel terrible, feel the fears pass, then again move on and do something positive. You will break out of this and realize you are not as terrible as you think, but still that you made a large mistake and it will stay with you and it's a good thing that it does. Good luck👍❤️

Givenup

Date posted: 16w

Pocd and anxiety

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

Givenup

Date posted: 15w

Pocd and triggered

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This actor was accused of grooming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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