identifying a false memory or a real one?

i know from the title it might seem like this is a compulsion and that i'm just seeking reassurance and maybe that's what this is but i'm not too sure. in my past relationship with my ex boyfriend when we had sex for the first time, i told him to stop. i was right next to his ear so i just thought he didn't stop because he didn't hear me so i brushed it off and just ignored it. it was only afterwards he asked me if it was okay he had carried on even though i had told him to stop which obviously proves he did hear me and just decided not to stop. it was my first time having sex like ever so i wanted him to stop because it hurt. i'm asking if this is just my ocd or if it's real because i remember it so clearly happening but now im worried im just making it up to spite him and have just put it in my head, it's obviously a very serious thing which is why it's causing me so much distress. i don't know why id do that though because since then ive moved on, when him and i broke up i knew before then id have to talk to him about the things he done without my consent. idk it's just really stressing me out because it's a serious situation and even though i have no plans on taking further steps with it, questioning and doubting myself is driving me insane

CloudGazer82

Date posted: Yesterday

You remember this… perhaps we sometimes overthink things that have traumatized us… & due to the real trauma, the brain will play! It leads the OCD down a dark path which exacerbates the overthink. Then the questions happen. Then we overthink again. We want to stifle the trauma, the intrusive thoughts, & the obsessive focus on all of that. The brain is on overload & goes into fight or flight mode & wants to escape but doesn’t know how. It leaves the tab open in possibly an attempt to make the actual memory less difficult to manage… then the entire spiral begins.

CloudGazer82

Date posted: Yesterday

I experienced something similar many years ago. Unfortunately, it took a long time to move beyond it. Lots of talking. Crying. Nightmare. Accepting that the actions were real. They happened. Intrusive thoughts haunted me. Trust you are not alone! … & it’s not ok for anyone to cross your boundaries. I encourage you to discuss this in your therapy sessions.

angel 🪽

Date posted: Yesterday

@CloudGazer82 thank you for responding, i appreciate it! i'm too scared to really discuss it in those settings because i don't want to be portraying him as a bad person when im not even sure of the whole story, it's a very tiring situation because now my ocd has latched onto it and is doing anything it can for me to relive it just so im certain :(

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey! When my ocd is really intense it often helps to take a little time to try and disengage and do something grounding, before trying to figure anything out. RPMs that don't minimize what you're worried about, but give you time to disengage have been helpful for me, for example, "I don't need to answer this question right now." It also sounds like you experienced something that was really not ok. If you're able to talk to a therapist or someone trusted in your life they might also be able to help. Sending you support!

angel 🪽

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous i don't know what to do i can't stop crying

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@angel 🪽 I am so sorry 💛 if you need to cry that is ok. Maybe also try and do a few things to ground yourself, like drinking some water, taking a few breaths, naming what you can see around you, or going for a walk. Even if it's something small, bringing yourself back into your present moment for a minute, instead of the race that your mind is running, can be helpful (at least for me!) to remind yourself that in this moment you're safe.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@angel 🪽 Are you able to do therapy? Eventually that might help as well ❤️‍🩹

angel 🪽

Date posted: Yesterday

please can someone respond i don't know what to do

CloudGazer82

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m still new to this community & only recently diagnosed with OCD. I definitely don’t want to overstep or say anything I shouldn’t.

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