Meta OCD is so debilitating

For me, the only thing telling me that uncertainty is freedom IS my OCD. Let me share a little about my own dealings with 'uncertainty'. I've dealt with OCD for 39 years, and most of my days, until I sought treatment for my OCD were spent with 16 hours a day stuck in ruminations, compulsions when I wasn't ruminating, and constantly apochraphizing every possible scenario. Uncertainty kept me away from therapy and an OCD specialist for almost four decades. I look around in my life and I assure you, uncertainty is not now, or has it ever been, freedom for me. Uncertainty is the lie I've allowed OCD to feed me since I was 6 years old and the only one to get stronger from those feedings was my OCD and certainly not me. Facing my uncertainty, and learning to sit with it is the only thing that I have found that lets me feel free: free to think or not think. free to not look at every person in my life without hoping they'll accept me while also secretly worried they'll stab me in the back any moment....free to actually live a single day of my life, from start to finish, without saying 'Ok, OCD...you win again...' I can feel your pain and frustration in your words. I can feel the loop you're trapped in. I've been right where you are. All of us in this community have. Remission is what I have found, not full recovery. I never started out looking for perfection, I only wanted progress. NOCD and the tools that I've been given, are still being given, have been the things that have allowed me to see and feel what actual freedom from my OCD feels like. I can't speak for your OCD, but I will have OCD my entire life. That's not to say I will be controlled by my OCD my entire life. It DOES mean that I can be in control of my OCD. I can drive, not it. We're not supposed to give direct advice in these forums. God knows: I'm not a therapist. What I can do is share my experience, strengh, and hope. So here was a little about my experience. and I hope that you find strength in it.