I don’t know if it’s OCD or a crush

Okay I’m sorry if this isn’t the place to put things like this and I’m going to put some context but I have an extremely close friend who I admittedly had a crush on at one point. It caused a messy falling out I ended up back on great terms again but ever since then my ocd has latched onto every moment I have with her convincing me that it’s a crush and most of the time I’ve managed but this last week it’s been really bad and it feels like I’m doing all of the same things wrong I did the first time I had a crush on her. I want to hope that it’s OCD or an extinction burst but it feels so much more real this time. If anyone either has some insight or experience with anything similar to this please let me know. I don’t want reassurance just perspective I guess is the way to put it

Chino

Date posted: Yesterday

Update I woke up this morning to a severe mental breakdown and panic attack I don’t know what to do about this anymore

Lefty Vegan

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. My OCD isn't directly tied to this but I have had unwanted thoughts or feelings of crushes before. I think a healthy way for you to view this is that your having unwanted thoughts or feelings about whether or not you have a crush on this person: so obsessions. What do we do when we have obsessions? We don't respond or we respond with non-engagement responses. In my own OCD a non engagement response that has worked so well for me is saying "maybe maybe not" or "maybe that's true maybe it's not" I know this is hard but I think you trying to "figure it out" whether you like her or not is a compulsion and is really hurting you and you could start arguing with your obsessions which furthers you down the compulsion path. Repeating phrases twice a day have really worked well as part of my ERP. Focus on sayinf some phrases and feeling what you feel but DON'T respond. "Maybe I have a crush on X" "Maybe I want to ask out X" And when the anxiety is reduced you could go further: "Maybe I want to have sex with X" Or "Maybe X will find out and she hate me" "Maybe it will ruin my life" etc And then you can progress to dropping the maybe if you feel comfortable and just say "I want/have... I really hope this helps. Also remember, don't try to "figure it out" or figure out if it is OCD. That's "checking" I believe and it's a compulsion. All you know is that it is an unwanted intrusive thought/feeling, so an obsession, and we know how to act versus those. ❤️

Chino

Date posted: 16h

@Lefty Vegan I’m going to try to get more consistent with the maybe maybe not thing because I try to but my mind tries to convince me that’s just coping around an actual crush but I’m going to work on doing it in spite of that and seeing if I can get past it

Lefty Vegan

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@Chino If that happens I would view that as another obsession and keep saying maybe maybe not so like "Yeah maybe my brain is just coping, maybe not" and keep doing that and it will get easier and easier to not respond with compulsions. Another NER could be "I'm feeling very anxious about that" or "Wow thanks brain". The idea is that it's not the words of the NER but that they help us not do compulsive reasoning. Hang in there you can conquer it ❤️

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