Dysphoria

Hi everyone, I’m planning to go to a therapist not specialized with OCD. I’m debating whether to bring up that I’ve dealt with OCD in the past. I want to try to explore my gender and sexuality without tying it to ocd to see if there’s anything true behind the scenes. What do you all think? Also, I know I’ve mentioned this several times lol. It’s like now I can’t even wear a bra without being uncomfortable. I keep mentioning this because it seems different from anything else anyone on here with TOCD has mentioned who is cis. I am still comfortable in sports bras, but isn’t a sports bra close to a binder? I even feel like I don’t want to wear those sometimes. Doesn’t that mean there has to be something true about my gender or sexuality not matching? I know some of the uncomfortableness has to be coming from the thoughts leading up to putting on a bra, but it’s just frustrating not being able to love who you are already and being uncomfortable with who you are. I just want to be comfortable in my current female body, but that’s just not the case. It sucks. Please help with these thoughts.

Hi everyone! I am a 22 year old AFAB nonbinary person from California, and I wanted to come on here and ask about people’s experiences with OCD surrounding taking testosterone and being trans/LGBTQIA/nonbinary. I am not talking about doubting identity but more so doubting whether taking testosterone is the “right” choice or whether the changes you might get are what you “truly” want. I would really love to hear from folks who also identify as nonbinary as I feel that nonbinary folks have a unique experience with taking hormones due to not being a binary trans person. I would definitely love to hear from anyone who identifies as trans or nonbinary, but I think that my experience with hormones is different since I know I don’t want to look or sound or feel like a full masculine person or man. For me, this means I am on a lower than normal dose of T right now, and I also don’t believe I plan on taking it longer than a few months or at least until I get my desired results. I want to be very androgynous, and I keep getting a bunch of intrusive thoughts about waking up and having all these drastic changes to my body and self to the point that I won’t recognize myself anymore. I know this is irrational and definitely attacking the fact that this is a huge decision to make to go on hormones, but I just feel like I haven’t seen this representation yet in both the trans and OCD communities. Again, please feel free to share any type of experience you have whether you are a nonbinary or binary trans person!

Lately, I have been able to manage my OCD thoughts kind of. They’re still there but I kind of push them away? I know that pushing them away doesn’t help but it’s been my only way to survive. I get scared often about things like clothes or my voice or how I present myself. I get scared that I want to dress differently or act differently and it scares me. I know for a fact I don’t want boobs or anything like that, but my mind constantly is like “What if?” and it kills me. It has ruined everything for me. Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because I get scared that I won’t like what I see. I’ve also been afraid because I find myself relating to many female characters, or I want to act like them. Like Pearl from Steven Universe. I want to be graceful and elegant like her, but I don’t want to be a girl you know? My mind constantly pushes these thoughts of what if and images. Because I am not like most guys. Which I know is okay. It just freaks me out. It makes me question every aspect of my being. I know who I am, but I know that the only way to move forward is to accept that maybe I don’t.. It’s just a lot.