I have a problem maybe you guys can help, Im 27 years old and NEVER doubt that about my sexuality before, i was (i think im still) girl crazy and i have nothing against gay people i have friends how are gay, i was working nights shifts like for 3 months straight and not sleeping at all, and one day i was drinking and smoking weed, having a good time and from no where this thought that i might be gay appears, and have been struggling for about 5 months from now, i now i have a crush on this girl we are even dating but some times it thoughs feels so real like im on a denial and get depressed i used to be a happy person with out doubts about my sexuality i mean im 27 years i should have seen this coming long time ago if its real right? At this point I don't know what to do i live in a country that therapy is hard to find especially this kind im taking some medication but i need help this is taking my life and im afraid that im liying to my girlfriend, what should i do ? Is this HOCD or im on a denial? ( Sorry about my English, is not my first language)

[NSFW] hocd or denial? I'm lost and confused... I (m18) have been straight my whole life. I fantasized about girls, only got hard to them, masturbated to them... I've had a girlfriend for almost 2 years now and she is the most wonderful person ever, and I am attracted to her both romantically and sexually. So, all of it started three years ago. I saw a movie with a gay sex scene and I thought that it must feel pretty good to be at the bottom. Since then, I sometimes (but not often) thought about being on the bottom when masturbating. Although I felt kind of aroused by the thought, I thought it was a simple fantasy or fetish that I have. I tried some stuff to myself down there but I never liked it. I never had a crush on any man, nor have I ever had romantic interest in a man. About 3 weeks ago I really thought about it and I started thinking I was gay. I thought I was gay because I got kind of aroused by thinking about gay sex like this. I thought I wasn't gay because I was never interested in a man and I always had crushes on women but then I thought I was gay because I was aroused by the thought of gay sex. I started to check myself in my head by thinking of gay sex and straight sex to see if I would be aroused, and I looked at some straight porn - and once even gay porn - to see if I would be aroused. I got a bit hard from the gay porn which made me panic. I feel less aroused in general and it feels like my libido has crashed. Now, when I try to masturbate, I sometimes only think about gay sex, which makes me panic more. It feels like I'm losing my love for my girlfriend, and it feels like I'm less attracted to her, both romantically and sexually. It feels like I don't love her, but I do, and then I question everything. I feel like it's harder for me to get aroused by women. I used to imagine snuggling with my gf and falling asleep with her, which usually made me aroused, but now I don't get aroused by that. Worse, if I try to imagine doing the same with a male, I don't get aroused either. I sometimes feel like this isn't hocd (I don't know if I even have ocd, I don't have a therapist) and that I'm just in denial. I feel like I'm only not leaving my girlfriend because I don't want to harm her, and I don't love her, but I do, I love her very much and I always imagined spending my future with her. It feels like I love her and I don't at the same time. I don't know what is going on. Am I gay? Bi? I don't want to leave my girlfriend, she is amazing and wonderful and I want to stay with her and I love her, but I constantly doubt that as well. Am I gay or bi if I fantasize about gay sex and get kind of aroused? Again, I never thought about having a romantic relationship with a male, and I only ever wanted to be with women. The thought used to disgust me but thinking about it now doesn't make me feel anything, but then again, neither does thinking about the same with a woman now, which is making me afraid as well. What should I do?? I'm lost and confused and I don't want to be gay or bi, but I constantly doubt myself. I don't want to leave her, but I question even that thought - do I not want to leave her because I love her or because I don't want to hurt her - which makes me even more lost.

(I'm sorry for my English but I'm not native speaker) Hey im very stressed so I need to share my story. I think I have hocd for like 2 months. I'm so stressed to go to therapist because l'm scared that he won't be aware of ocd and he won't give me a good resonance in my case i don’t think that in my country it’s know topic. So I wanna ask you what you guys think of it. I'm so scared that I’m lesbian and I'm just in denial. I've never liked girls but l've never had bad feelings about homosexual people, I had lesbian friend and two gay friends and it was always normal for me, but I just always knew that I like boys because l've always had crushes on boys, I enjoyed reading love novels or erotic novels and it was what I knew I want. And I have a very good friend, we even call each other sister because since we met we had a lot in common, we were very comfortable with yourself, we were taking baths in bathtub together talking about boys and we were drinking wine and it was our tradition , we even kissed on party because we played truth or dare with boys and other girls and we never had second thoughts about it I asked even my sister if it’s weird and she said that she also kissed a girl when she was young and she also saw her friend naked.. she said that we all woman so that’s not weird and don’t identify my sexuality (I asked her now when I have this thought not then), it never even bother me because I knew it didn't meant anything in sexual or romantic way to me. But when I told my flat mate because he asked me how close we are because even tho we studying in different towns we still manage to have contact or to meet and I told him that she is like my sister, we know everything about our selves and I said "bro she saw me naked and we even kissed on party, so think she knows me better than anybody else" (we were 16 then and now l'm 20 and never had questioning my sexuality since now) and then he said "it's sound so lesbian, I think you are bi, for sure you are bi" and at first i was like yyy no and it didn't bother me really, but later I had a lot of stress.. final exams, and I don't know why but I was worried about my health so badly because somehow I thought that I have cancer and I felt very sick, I was vomiting from stress I was crying all night but I go to doctor and he said that I just have some problem with period but since then I was very unstable about my mental health and I started to think what if he was right and I stared to obsessing, I couldn't eat and sleep, I was crying for 3 days all the time, even my flat mates were worried and since then I'm so anxious that maybe he was right and my thoughts now tell my that for sure I like this and at the same time when I think about be with woman but not in sexual way but like be with her in relationships at first I think I want it but the Il'm so anxious so I think that's not the thing. But what is worrying me the most that nothing give me joy.. I'm bookworm I loved to read I loved romance novels and now I think I can't read them, I'm procrastinating (and I was always very active and I loved to study) I can't watch my favorite shows because there are homosexual couples and in the past it didn't bother me but now it is. I also wonder..In childhood because of my parents divorced and very bad situation in home (violence and My mom was twice in mental hospital because she had depression) when I was 6 my teacher saw that I had problems with stuttering and i had something like compulsive blinking (?) I was blinking like all the time and back then I was going to child psychologist because I was scared of people and I was reacting with crying and stress when someone were looking at me with anger (or I just thought that person is mad at me)But I thought that I gone through this. Can it have influence on my mental health right now? Please help me. I'm crying even while l'm writing it, I even had thoughts that's it's better to be dead than be lesbian and I'm very stressed because l'm worried that I will never like bovs again. I’m so sick of questioning every single move and tik tok and social media give me also a lot anxiety. Pleas help me.

My mind keeps jumping to conclusions that I’m in denial and i have to come out , crazy how a thought went from “what if I’m gay” to “what if I’ve always been” to “you’re bi” to “you’re gsy” to full on statements and conclusions, like coming out and being in denial , as homophobic as this sounds everytime i see something gay i get an ick im not disgusted, very slightly, i was never like this, now I’m contemplating if i ever even liked women when i know i have before. I have nothing against gay people but i just don’t wanna be gay , saying that makes me feel uneasy which makes me more confused. Idk what I’ve become at this point .Now I’m doubting every life decision I’ve taken and gosh i wish me and my ex lasted, i was happy, even when we fought i remember telling myself we’re gonna get through this we’ll be fine, here i am doubting everything, at the same time wishing me and her lasted, regretting how i treated her, then the ocd part uses the fact that i went soft a few times with her and lost all interest in women after the break up against me, and then its basically convincing me to say that i am gay, none of these adds up . My brain keeps showing me images of being with men and happy about it and i don’t want that, i don’t think i ever did, then it’s like oh movies and tv shows have influenced you to think you should be with women , and then I’m here like if that was the case I’d feel uncomfortable and feel out of place , I’ve never felt that, i felt good with women and all as long as she was clean didn’t smell ofc but yeah now I’m so fucking lost.