I've been doing ERP because it claims to make it go away. I faced my anxiety and had a full on panic attack doing ERP. I had thought of disturbing thoughts so much that I was actually calm with it and was able to get to a resting heart rate. But I started getting confused like why am I okay with this thought happening to me? Am I actually enjoying the thought of this? Is this what ERP was supposed to do to me? I feel like I could actually be gay now! All these thoughts rushing in so I looked up a therapist on youtube who said to pretend to enjoy these thoughts. Like tell yourself you enjoy these thoughts while doing ERP. I tried it but now im questioning myself EVEN MORE because I actually convinced myself I like it. Somebody please tell me how to handle this I'm really anxious right now and I don't even know if it's OCD and i've been lying to myself saying it's OCD

Dude I went full on panic mode I thought you said your therapist told you that you'll come to terms with being gay. I had to re-read that. My mind is so fkd right now That's great that you're feeling better. Did you continue doing the same ERP methods you did before, or did your therapist switch things up for you? I don't have a therapist so I printed an intrusive thoughts worksheet online. It's helped but sometimes I get these setbacks..

Hi guys, I've read all your comments and I feel pretty much in your situation too. Expecially what @sparker1289 said. I think the only way is to accept the possibility that, what we cannot accept may be real. I know its like eating a pile of s##t, but that means it's the core of ocd, its the Sauron eye 😄 If we accept it, and we pass though the initial, almost unbearable anxiety, after a while our brain will stop to ruminate, because there will be nothing more to be solved. Hence we will be free to discover ourselves in a happier mode.

I see how that could make you want to keep things. That's relieving to know that it's part of OCD. Means that we still have work to do.

Does your girlfriend know about your situation? Did your therapist advise you to share what you're going through? I have a girlfriend as well and last time I shared something about this with her she freaked out and that made me freak out. It must be hard to deal with this crap while taking care of your child

Also thank you for sharing your path, if things don't look too rough I might give that a try for ERP too

@drinkingwater Do you fear that you're lying to your girlfriend?

@Sparker1289 - Lying, as in?

@drinkingwater Lying as in, you feel like you're gay but you're still in a relationship with her...does that make sense?

@Sparker1289 - Oh I see. No I don't feel like I'm lying to her. I don't really feel like I'm gay. I love her very much and still get groinal feelings towards her. I've never been into a man emotionally so I use that as comfort sometimes. I never thought of men physically either until I read a very disturbing gay s*x story to test myself. I didn't feel aroused, more like disturbed.

@Sparker1289 - Do you feel that you're lying to your girlfriend?

@drinkingwater Yes, unfortunately. I wish I didn't.

@Sparker1289 - Hey im not sure if you got my msg cause it doesnt show for me. But keep fighting, your OCD is literally playing you. It can change the way you think and make it seem like its true when its not, thats literally what sexual orientation OCD does. Keep fighting and facing your fears

@drinkingwater Are you able to send Direct Messages?

I don't know but it sucks.