really scared i might be a narcissist after watching this video about narcissism and how narcissists in childhood had parents that did high praise and high abuse and so all they know for love is praise and they can either cling onto the messaging that they were a piece of shit and die by age 40 by suicide and drug overdose (according to the guy in the video) or they cling on to the praise they got and think they are above other people and only are after praise and thats why a lot of them are charming and funny because they know how to read people give them what they want to get that supply and like i relate to being addicted to making other people like me... but not in order to take advantage of them... its more because im desperate to feel good about myself...i never thought about it as being for praise but like yeah my job growing up in the family i felt was to make my dad laugh it made me feel special and also sometimes it meant he would not become explosive and scary and so now most of my relationships are based on me making people love me by being "on" but to be clear its a reflex im not like plotting or planning but its definitely effort but like effort of talking too much and telling too many stories to make me feel calm because people are laughing so everything is good but still its a stream of thoughts like verbal diarrhea that i cant stop but like i feel exhausted after social interactions because of it and im afraid of being vulnerable and i mean ive never intentionally hurt a friend but i mean when a friend has been mad at me i have withdrawn and hid and sometimes people say narcissists withdraw as a form of hurting others and i do sometimes i just get so mad and dont know how to deal with it that i just shut down and i do silent treatment because its the only way i know how to express im mad at someone i mean dont get me wrong i have screamed and yelled before but i try to keep that to a minimum and really have only shown that ugly side to my family because i dont want to lose people if they saw my shitty anger and so like fuck i really dont want to be a narcissist but honestly i love making strangers laugh getting attention and people think im charming im not trying to toot my own horn like " ugh im so awesome therefor i must be a narcissist " like i just know these are things people have told me and ive never had romantic relationships like i only like flirting and getting that attention but i get scared of any real interest any real connection or intimacy and i mean my sister is pretty sure my dads a narcissist im pretty sure she was the scapegoat child and i was one who got more praise and i just dont want to be that i dont want to be someone who thinks of people as supply i dont think i do but i also know i have unhealthy connections i always thought of myself as more codependent like my mother but idk maybe im just obsessing over finding a label for every pattern of behavior i have and need to calm down but it seems like NPD and BPD have become huge trends online in the past 10 years so many diagnostic videos of how to know if youre around someone like that and i used to think my ex best friend was a narc and i was codependent but what if its the other way around? and why are these personality disorders something everyone online talks about now? like not just reddit or quora but youtube and twitter so often someone will talk about an ex bf and someone will say sounds like he was npd and they never even met the person like everyone not just people with ocd are like compulsively labeling people with mental health disorders that they dont seem 100% qualified to make especially fake dr. phil internet doctors i mean maybe im just saying this because i dont want this guys video to be right because that description of an NPD person's childhood resonated with me so much but i mean thats what my brain does its latches onto the one symptom of shit like this and then im convinced i have the personality disorder ... how do i know if its an ocd spiral or something to worry about for real? isnt a good sign that you arent npd if you dont want to be or is that bullshit too?

recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself

I didn't wanted to say it's useless or it's never helpful, but I feel like it's really black and white and people use it to categories others in "personality groups" and it's wrong how they do it. Yesterday I gave a chance to a video cause I was like "let's learn about myself" and I watched it with curiousity, And at the end of the video i was triggered... Im sure someone without ocd just ignores it and all this is just my ocd but im curious what other people thinks. First thing that triggered me is that making jokes is a coping mechanism, which is somewhat true, it can be for some, but in that video it was told like if you like to make jokes and you like to make people laugh, you only do because you need attention and your mother never gave you attention when you were a kid so now you want attention so you make jokes...As an ocder this got me triggered cause I like to make jokes,but if it would be to get attention it would be forced... and i dont feel like mine is forced,I do it cause I can laugh at my own jokes and making others laugh is a really good feeling. Sometimes Im a troll on the internet, and i like when people read my comments on youtube but thats a normal thing, everyone likes when they get any attention, its normal human behaviour, but psychology often tells you that you have a deep psychological problem and thats why you do these things. And it really feels like an attack, expecially if you have ocd. I remember when I was in therapy, alot of things i do was attacked with this "you do this cause you want attention cause you didnt get it from your parents" and it made me spin and stop doing those things. Its really toxic if you think about it. The other thing was about ocd... I dont know if it's psychology or just the beliefs of that person who made the video, but it's 2025 and people still dont know what is ocd... I read before about "obsessive personality disorder" , the whole personality disorder thing is just made up to label people into groups in my opinion,when people can be in more than 1 group... but what triggered me was that he said "the differece between ocd and obsessive personality dissorder is that people with opd are perfectionists, obsession got their whole life and it controls everything." Now this makes me question what that person thinks about ocd... So ocd does not gets into your life? It does not takes your life away? Here was another he said. "People with ocd do the compulsion because of fear, while people with opd do that because of anger/frustration". And I would ask, what type of feeling is anger? Anger is a second feeling and many times behind it theres another feeling and often it is fear... And people with ocd can become angry and frustrated with their compulsions, some of it does not act on compulsions because of fear but because of frustration. Everyone with ocd is a perfectionist, i know this might trigger you, but its true, everyone with ocd is hard with themself, and can drive others crazy with their rules. These people still thinks that ocd is cleaning and wanting things to be organized... Its sad that the only people who knows what ocd is are the ones who has it or got through it... this is why I dont go to therapy, instead i watch videos on youtube from people who had/has ocd and I have to say it was really helpful and I noticed alot of progression in my mental health...

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help