I’m really struggling, with POCD false memory from 3 years ago, I did great for about a year but my PTSD being around my parents sent me into an OCD spiral about a month ago and I can’t get back to a good place. My daughters at the age where she hates me and the world. I can hardly touch her without her jumping. I speak to her she gets defensive. I put a post up the other night about her rejecting my hug and it literally sent me into a severe panic attack. It’s my only day off today after working a long weekend. I just went to wake her up for school by sitting on the edge of her bed and she’s just so moody. This is killing me, I feel like my reassurance that I’m innocent is based off her mood. All I want to do is climb back in bed and shut down, and unfortunately I have to help my sister today moving my parents into an apartment, I’m scared to be around them. I know they will make me feel worse but I have to help for my sister. She’s finally realized how toxic they are and has made a life changing decision to move out at 35. I’m so proud of her and want to be supportive but my brain is just all over the place. My mom is sickly, her and my dad are both addicts and seeing them in such a sad state just messes with my head. I’m so resentful, I feel like they are the route of all my anxiety and OCD, they definitely triggered my false memory and it’s hard to find peace with any of this.

I absolutely 100% feel that my childhood has impacted my parenting. I feel like once my kids hit the age I was at when I felt so negelected I kind of didn’t know what to do. I started having the flashbacks and started to recognize a lot of things that were so wrong when I was a kid. It explained so much but at the same time left my head spinning, it was the perfect storm for a false memory to brew up. I constantly project onto my middle daughter. I feel like our relationship is so much like mine and my mothers. Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, I don’t know. I appreciate you so much though, please keep giving me your input. I’m new to this and my first session is next Monday. I’ve always had OCD themes, very insecure needing constant reassurance, always coming up with crazy “what if” scenarios, but false memory POCD is my rock bottom. I’ve gone on meds and it helped for a while but comes back, I know I need professional help to get past this.

@mmckean Really wish there was a better way of communicating. A lot of times , we truly need someone to just honestly listen and talk to . Glad you’re getting professional help that’s for sure . Seeking reassurance and the crazy “ what if’s” are all forms of compulsions. I’ve been there . It’s so unhealthy . You’re getting help and that’s what’s Important . I also figured that your child hood really is impacting your parenthood now . It’s completely understandable and reversible too ! So much brightness to this situation but you can’t see it because you’re so focused on moods , reassurances , what if’s , childhood instances and more . Not taking light of those things because those things has impacted me too . I’m able to say these things because I go through these. I’m only 25 with my first child whose 2months old , but I know that things that I’ve been through impacts my parenting now . Give yourself some slack . Don’t put the blame on you . Different factors are accountable too . I can’t wait for you to get help and move forward with being the great mother you were designed to be !

I could really use someone’s support , sorry for taking the spotlight off ya Mmckean. I am here for you too and I hope get better ! We’re all here for you and things can get better ! Talk to ur daughter

@Brian :) What’s wrong? Are you ok?

@mmckean Everything is so much harder right now , I’m just very behind on my work for CNA and most time I’m thinking about other things like relationships with friends. Alor going on and ocd makes it too hard to prioritize my time with my classes . I either have to stay wit the program or leave and I do not want to disappoint my parents :(