So after having OCD for as long as I can remember (since 5 years old probably, I am 31 now), I’ve been in ERP for 6 months and while I think I still have a long way to go, I can tell it is working. But…I don’t/can’t feel happy or proud of my progress. It bothers me that after 26 years of OCD, 6 months of treatment has resulted in a reduction of symptoms. For one, I find it frustrating that in only 6 months I’m seeing improvement, like why could I have not done this many years ago and saved a lot of suffering. More frustratingly though, it makes me feel kind of like it negates or diminishes the suffering/negative impacts it has caused on my life (relationship, work etc). Like how could a 26 year problem be solved in 6 months that just doesn’t seem right. It also brings up thoughts like “have I been making this worse than it is?”, “am I exaggerating?”, “were my symptoms real?” etc. I know these are all related to me doubting my diagnosis and are just another symptom of OCD but I still just can’t accept the fact that my symptoms have improved in a short span of time. Anyone else feel similar? How have you been able to feel happy about your progress?

So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?

So I've been working to address my OCD for about a month now. So far, I haven't been working on it with a therapist and have instead been trying to create my own exposure exercises. The primary obsession I'm working on is the fear that I'm somehow flawed or invalid on a fundamental level. The best way I can describe it it is that its similar to the feeling you get when you have germ OCD and you feel contaminated, except my whole existence and being feels contaminated, so to speak. I've identified a list of triggers, and a list of compulsions (pretty much all mental) that I've noticed myself performing. I started out by doing imaginal exposures and scripts where I'd write out triggering fictional scenarios and read them over and over, combined with mindfulness techniques to focus on my breath and bring myself back to the present when I noticed myself performing compulsions mentally. At first it worked to some extent, but eventually I started to feel like the stories I was writing about this obsession weren't triggering any anxiety anymore or a very low level. So I stopped reading them and focused solely on improving my ability to stay present and identifying compulsions as I perform them, and disengaging. Now, I'm at the point where it seems like my general anxiety levels throughout the day are lower, and the triggers I've identified are producing noticeably less anxiety. But that makes me wonder if somehow I'm just secretly doing mental compulsions without knowing it? Is only a month of rather disorganized and unstructured ERP enough to produce this much improvement? To avoid giving me re-assurance, I'd appreciate if you guys don't directly answer those questions, maybe just provide some possibilities or your own experiences so I can get a better idea of where I'm at. Any info would be appreciated. Thanks!

Hi, I just had a recent diagnosis of OCD. It’s crazy because I never considered it or thought that I had it. There have been some thoughts I look back on that make me wonder if it was OCD the whole time. It came to full fruition recently when I made a bad decision that cascaded into me worrying, and then led me to having these intense intrusive thoughts that I never thought I had. Can OCD magically manifest this intensely for some? I notice a lot of the stories here that people experience all the intrusive thoughts when they were younger. I keep looking back on previous times, making me think I had those same thoughts then. I can’t remember if they were genuine thoughts like I believed them, or if I knew they were bad thoughts and I just got over them. I feel like I am lying to myself every time I have the thoughts and that I’m a bad person because of it. I’m trying to not accept it. I have a few sessions in with my therapist introducing ERP but I wish I could get through this quicker. I feel disgusted with these thoughts and that I might be a bad person. Please help me understand and how to best handle this. Anyone have advice on how to be patient with yourself through this process?