yesterday I had my second session with my NOCD therapist. she’s great, but I just had such a hard time talking about what my real event OCD centers around. I could barely even get out vague descriptions because I am so afraid that my fears about being terrible will be confirmed and that I truly am irredeemable. I’m sure everybody who deals with this theme feels this way, but I really think mine is so bad and immoral…I couldn’t even say it. I know I need to at least be honest about it initially because otherwise how can I get help & move on? but do I deserve to move on? ugh I just feel so stuck. I know confessing is a compulsion but actually talking about it for the first time paralyzes me with fear. I can’t believe I froze up like that…but I also just can’t bear to think of what would happen if I did tell the truth. What if it really is as terrible as I think it is?

I understand. When I first started treatment, I was having a lot of intrusive thoughts involving both harm and suicide OCD. I was terrified to tell my therapist. I thought for sure I would end up getting arrested or involuntarily committed to a psych ward. But I was desperate. I watched her expression. It didn't even change. NOCD therapist understand OCD. That means they have heard it all before. There is NOTHING you could tell your therapist that will shock or surprise them. Your therapist is there to support and help you. But they can't do that if you aren't honest with them about what you are dealing with. Your therapist will NOT judge you for your intrusive thoughts. Everyone has done and said thing they are ashamed of. It doesn't make you a horrible person. It makes you human. I will never regret being open and honest with my therapist. It is so freeing.

Thanks for sharing your current experience. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself for 1st noticing the anxiety, distress, and discomfort and letting those feelings of anxiety, fear, etc. be there.This is a perfect time to as I like to say "practice" ERP. Practice not analyzing any of those points you mentioned and place your attention on this present moment. Feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breathe, go for a walk, read, go hangout with a close companion, or play a sport. Not avoiding the discomfort, but choosing to do things you want to do and not give any attention to dwelling on that.The most important part being the response prevention. Not easy, but part of the work. When this type of situation occurs and we are in environments in which we are organically exposed to distress, use this as an opportunity to practice doing the work! This allows for two things; showing yourself you can handle and tolerate it, and also letting your body know that although you feel uncomfortable you are willing to keep doing whatever it is you are doing and getting on with your day! This is the foundation! Keep going with therapy and day by day work on this with your Therapist. You can do it