- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel like you are describing my life. It’s 8:15am where I stay and instead of being up im still in bed. It’s painful to move. I am exhausted from all the overthinking. Worse I have a 17 month baby. All we can hope for is a miracle that soon we will feel better. Like our old selfs. Stay strong and we are hopeful this season will pass.
- Date posted
- 3y
God bless your baby . We have a 2months old baby . Having OCD makes parenting so hard for me . I’m being selfish because of my moods , depressions and anxieties . It impacts me because I don’t even have a desire to parent or to spend time with my wife and child . I just want to lie down and be isolated . I completely understand your situation and I’ll be praying for you
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m sorry about that, I’ve read a lot of stories from people with Post Partum OCD, the stress and responsibility of a new born baby is difficult but coupled with OCD, I can’t even imagine. Just know I’m rooting for you and can tell how strong you are, sending my best!
- Date posted
- 3y
@OCDHaver Hey , that means a lot ! I’m rooting for you as well . I’ve noticed your journal entries are being posted frequently. Look forward to seeing my comment on it daily . I’m here for you ! We all are ! We’re in this together!
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey , I can relate as well . I’m going through the same thing . Wanting comfort and constant reassurance is what comes with OCD . We just have to learn how to not entertain it . I understand the constant regrets and revisiting of the past because I do the same thing . Analyzing the old positives in my life makes me hate the new current stage of my life . I always use words such as “ I wish , I miss when .. , or even how come I’m not like this anymore..” . Those phrases and words give room for the OCD to bully us even more . We have to take what’s in front of us , trust the process , learn and become stronger than ever before . Find things , if at all possible , that’s going to enhance your mood and motivation . You have to write down and brainstorms things that you enjoy and go enjoy it ! This is a a process but I encourage you to remain strong . It’s worth it . Let’s not let our present impact our future . Lord willing , our future is brighter and bigger . It’s how we choose to approach this trial and tribulation which determines our character , future and victory!
- Date posted
- 3y
Reading this has lifted my mood. Going to follow your advise and start writing things and carrying them out. And stop dwelling on the past. As much as the present hurts, we can alter it by our thoughts. Easy said then done, but we have to be determined. Change is within us. Thank you for your encouraging words. I would also love to form some support group. Knowing you are not alone makes one not feel isolated and doomed.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Victorious And this is why I like to encourage people . Although , I’m going through a lot , you honestly made my night because you are encouraged and inspired to do better . This is awesome ! And yes , please make support groups . I believe it’s just an addition to the individual ERP that we all get . It enhances the help . I’d love to have my wife alongside because she’ll really get insight on what I’m going through . She’s such a blessing , howeve at times , she’s not able to understand. Totally not her fault . Support group would be ideal !
- Date posted
- 3y
Also , if I could converse with you all every day and make friends so that we get through this together , I would ! I look forward to certain posts because it gives me the opportunity to encourage or even make someone smile ! I’m learning that in spite of what I’m going through , I’m able to help so many people . You wouldn’t believe the stories and people I’ve met . It’s amazing . It’s truly a blessing to encounter people who understand you and want the best for you . Everyone is empathizing together . It’s beautiful. Don’t let this define you !
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so glad you’re going to be starting treatment with an ocd specialist soon. I know waiting to start can feel like the worst part. In the mean time, you may want to buy an ocd workbook, like The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD. That way you can be prepared for your sessions and feel like you’re doing something to help yourself as you wait. Things will get better with treatment. This is a tough illness but it’s also very treatable. Especially when addressed early on.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, I hope everything goes well this next month
- Date posted
- 3y
It will !
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
- Date posted
- 17w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hi. I'm just sort of feeling kind of shitty and in moments like these I tend to swing to one extreme or the other, like methodicially and intensely trying to pull apart every piece of what I am feeling and why, determine what is a "real" problem and what is just a bad mood, and take action to "fix" myself, the problem, or ensure that future me will fix it by setting reminders, planning, or just generally freaking out lol. That can all be a bit compulsive, but I don't want to do my other thing, which is just aggressively ignore or try to deny my feelings because they are "not real" or I just need to "let them go". But I'm feeling a little frozen in my fears so I am hoping de-tangling it a bit in words here will be a good middle ground. I'm about to be a senior in college, and I live in the city where my school is. I haven't seen my family for a bit and I am currently spending a weekend with them at the beach. Today was just kind of rough and has made the past, present, and future collide in my head, fanning fears of both external problems and the fear of fear itself, the fear of OCD spirals. I want to more specically describe the problems I have been having since starting college, but I guess for getting through today that isn't really the point. I guess just....I've been trying to create a life for myself and become someone who is strong enough to live it. I have ADHD and OCD and sometimes it just feels like half my energy goes to functioning through that, and the other half goes to resisting the OCD-urge to spiral about the future, to fear I'll let my life fall apart or won't be able to fix the normal, big and small problems life brings. Today has just felt.....hard. I ate something that made me really sick last night, and I didn't take my normal dose of Adderall today or yesterday which can just make me sort of sleepy. On both phsyical counts, I think I'm fine and don't really feel bad anymore, it just sort of triggered some overthinking. I feel scared that feeling kind of tired has/will effect my ability to enjoy what is supposed to be a relaxing time, or that I won't' have as much energy as I should to do things with my family and will disspoint them. I'm scared that the journey back to the city tomorrow will be chaotic and awful, and that when I return I will continue to make mistakes that put me in negative cycles. Strangely, I'm kind of aware that all of these concerns are either possibly not going to happen, or are just things I definetely cannot do anything about right now. I'm just sort of...frustrated that I can't easily shove away worries I know to be "illogical" and deeply afraid of spiraling deeper. All of these different things overlapping right now just sort of make me feel like I've failed. Failed to.....I don't know, resist compulsions and get over them faster, accomplish things in life and school faster/more, be less socially anxious. Failed to get on the right track, to make any kind of progress. Strangely, a lot of the discomfort I'm feeling in this moment indirectly sort of comes from things I am doing "right", to break cycles. I didn't bring my meds because I want to work on the discomfort I feel with spending time without the goal of productivity, I don't have an exact plan for everything I need to do and I have not psyched myself up to tackled my most urgent goals when I get home because I've also been working on finding ways of doing uncomfortable things that don't involve motivating myself through terror when I can't do anything about it. I'm letting myself take time to cry about all these feelings and write this out here because I don't want to deny myself what I need to get better because I feel like I shouldn't need it. I'm hoping, in a way, even the shitty day I've had today is a sign of progress, my OCD desperately seeking a host in fear of fear because I am beating other compulsions. I think there's also something to be said for the unserious but still powerful issue of just fucking being on vacation with your extended family. Like....its hard to take a moment to cry it out or calm yourself down when you're sharing a bedroom with your mom and sister. I'm feeling glad I'm going home tomorrow, scared of how I might feel when I do, and I guess....fearful of what it means that I wasn't "able" to enjoy myself for the whole time I was here. But those feelings do feel much more distant, after writing this. The time will pass and I will go home regardless. When I get home, maybe I will make "better" choices or be "stronger", maybe I will dig a deep hole for myself. Either way, that's not my burden right now or today. I've tried that method and it didn't get me what I want.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond