Does anyone else have a lot of things on their past that they constantly worry about? I feel like no one would love or accept me if they new what I did. I don’t even know if I should report myself to the police, I feel like I have ruined my entire life there is no point in continuing my life, I don’t deserve to be alive anymore

Who told you you don't deserve to live? That's a lie. If people who have committed murder have repented and have used their experience to help others not to go down the same road then whatever you did you can forgive yourself and use it to help others not do the same. We have all made mistakes. We are all imperfect. Guilt makes you feel like you deserve to be punished and shame tells you that you are bad and horrible as a person. Both things are lies. A mistake doesn't define you. Use your experiences, good and bad, and grow from them. Use your life to help yourself and lift at least one person. Doesn't matter who.

I truly wish I could take what you wrote to heart, but I feel so shameful for what I did. No I did not take another’s life but did look at things online I should’nt have when I was a teen. It makes me worried as to what type of person I am

@Anonymous The fact that you know that you shouldn't have tells me you are truly sorry for it. You cannot change the past but you can forgive yourself. You are the only one that can do that for yourself. Now I'm going to tell you something that is not popular in today's culture and is not religion but God already forgave you for everything you did (even what you watched). Now I'm not going to argue with you or try to convince you. It's your personal choice and decision what to believe. But I can testify that knowing that God forgave me has given me a sense of freedom and peace. What I wrote you can take it to heart even if you don't feel it. You are not bad or a horrible person or whatever thought is entering your mind. If you were you would be glad and the fact that you are here being vulnerable and in distress is the irrefutable proof that you are not. Now logic is not going to beat the OCD. You need to be compassionate with yourself. Treat yourself with radical kindness and support yourself. With compassion tell yourself that you are not your thoughts. That you forgive yourself. That you are a good person that wants to do good. Again. Only you can. It's your privilege to be kind to yourself.