At my wits end over this "Race OCD" theme. Feeling guilty & not like myself. This all started about a year ago and I dont even understand why it has. I've been really struggling with the taboo theme of "Race OCD" & I'm finding it hard to function/find myself avoiding people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally to BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. It's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious when I interact with them, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because I'm sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like WTF, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head and being anxious around BIPOC.

giaparmer

Date posted: 4y

Wow ME TOO. huge problem with this as well and it’s so difficult to talk about because the worry over being perceived as racist is typically fueled by ego, which is why I have never brought this up, had never thought of it as an intrusive thought but you’re so right, it causes me a lot of grief.

giaparmer

Date posted: 4y

Makes me feel a strong sense of imposter syndrome

Nica

Date posted: 4y

At this point in time because it’s drastically interfering with your life, you have to accept that someone (or multiple people) might think you’re a racist. If you don’t accept that might happen, then you’ll continue to be miserable.

canigetawitness

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I'm trying to accept that I can't control what other people are thinking. At the same time, I hate that I'm getting triggered when I'm around BIPOC. I try to not be anxious, I try to let the anxiety just be there, but it doesn't leave.

giaparmer

Date posted: 4y

@canigetawitness Yes I think it’s especially difficult right now because the stakes seem so high…I too am obsessed with being an ally and not a detriment because I greatly fear unintentionally causing someone harm with my words or actions. It has less to do with how I feel about being racist and more about how someone else’s pain would make me feel. Even jokes and lighthearted comments are understandably more sensitive nowadays so I feel I must be EXTRA cautious now

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culturally-speaking/202008/the-intrusive-unwelcome-thoughts-racism-themed-ocd%3Famp

giaparmer

Date posted: 4y

Thank you very much!!!

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