I hate when OCD truly makes you unsure of yourself and your values and makes you doubt your goodness and your love for others. i know deep down in my heart that i’m a good person but sometimes i feel my OCD makes me think otherwise

I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired

I’m really down and don’t have anyone i feel i can turn to. I’m just so tired of living as myself. I hate who i love with including myself. I feel so worthless. Having ocd on top of it makes me feel like im just a waste of space. I dont know how to stop feeling this way. Or if i deserve to. That’s all :(

I know the truth deep down but I am just doing compulsions to try and convince myself that I have OCD. I try to look up and find things exactly the same and me in experiences how I feel and everything else and it becomes worse when I can’t find the same person as me. I know people do compulsions to make sure they love there partner but I feel like I do compulsions to CONVINCE ME it is ocd