TW 18+ I feel like I’m gonna die soon, whether it be by my own hand or some way somehow. I’m terrified rn, I don’t know what to do, I gave into a massive compulsion today and thought it would bring me peace but my false memories only got worse. I keep checking and asking and it does nothing. I asked Reddit for reassurance and while some did, I don’t know why or how, but some random spam accounts mentioned me on a post with a link, I didn’t see where it lead me to, but I reported and blocked the account. And now I’m paranoid I’m being watched and that I’m going to die soon, and a part of me wants that, nothing is ever going to better. I see that now, I’m not saying that about you guys, but I nothing will better, no matter what I do, nothing will be. I think I’ve finally reached that point

MikeW

Date posted: 3y

I’ve been there. It does get better. You have to believe that it can be. It seems impossible to make that choice when you’re feeling like you’re feeling but surprisingly, it is possible. And once you start to choose to work on your recovery and apply the skills, you’ll start to make some progress. You’ll have setbacks but you keep working, keep pressing forward. You won’t believe that things could be as good as they are and you’ll look back on today like a distant memory. Maybe you’ll be here encouraging someone else. The thing is, I can’t convince you of this. It’s a choice you have to make. It almost requires a leap of faith. To just think that it’s possible for your situation to get better. Let a little bit of hope in. It’ll do wonders.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

So with harm ocd you can feel like you want that to do or like it will happen? Bc i dont know if i have that or its my mind want to avoid pain and makes me think about death.(not like i want it, i feel shame that i have these thoughts and makes me scared but on these few seconds it feels like i really feel that... then i get anxious about it...)

MikeW

Date posted: 3y

@privatep12473 I’m not sure how far you are into learning about OCD but the confusion around if deep down you really just want the thing that’s giving you anxiety is super common. The thing that helped me was to just stop trying to figure out the answer to that question. It feels like that’s irresponsible but the truth is that you just can’t “know” with enough certainty for OCD to stop bothering you with questions, thoughts, and ruminations about it. So I just stopped trying to figure it out and just went about living my life. Eventually, some clarity can start to settle in as you experience life and aren’t spending all your time trying to analyze the situation and worry about all the outcomes.

woahman

Date posted: 3y

@Clinton Yeah i tried to do what you say and i started to feel that im lying to myself, im just avoinding the real problem bc i dont want to admit it. And this putted me back to the worry cycle.

MikeW

Date posted: 3y

@privatep12473 Yeah I know the feeling of lying to yourself too. With that, I just go “Okay, well maybe I am. Don’t know!” I shrug it off and just go about living. Eventually I stop thinking about it. The key there for me was that “Maybe I am!” Doesn’t mean “I definitely am” which would freak me out. The difference is “Maybe I am!” is accepting the uncertainty that you just don’t know and that that’s okay. The OCD tells you you have to be certain. The therapy is to accept that it’s okay not knowing. That’s the hard part. But amazingly, it’s possible with work.

lilyluna

Date posted: 3y

there’s a quote i read when i was going thorough a hard time just like you, and it said “life gets better, make sure you’re there to see it”. and so i thought okay, i wanna see it get better. spoiler alert, it did get better. yours will be better to and you’ll do amazing things, i’m sure of that. you’re loved and appreciated and your life has meaning even if sometimes you’re not sure of that. i know it might feel crazy with all the thoughts you’re having but put your faith in that it’s going to be better. it might feel so hard or even impossible but i’m sure you’ll be able to make it. talk to me on here if you need anything and i’ll answer asap :) keep going <3

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