I’m having a really difficult time discerning what is and isn’t true with my false memory that’s connected to my real event. I want to believe that a lot of what I I’m terrified of isn’t true because I would think I would explicitly remember it because I remember the moments where I felt bad about what I did, but idk anymore, I’m really scared and feel s**cidal, I keep checking as a compulsion but can’t find out if I’m exaggerating or not. I’m incredibly scared right now.

Stick with what you truly know right now, at this very moment. It looks like you're half way there as you realized that you are scared. Scan your body quickly and allow yourself to feel and name what you are feeling. Those are things you are currently certain of and are real.

It’s okay to not know if a memory is real or if it’s completely accurate. Memories are tricky things. Your brain remembers things the way it feels is the best way for you to learn from the event and cope with the knowledge. If the event isn’t detrimental, it isn’t stored. It’s okay for you to not know. You are still a person who deserves to be heard and understood and you are still worthy of being here.