Stick with what you truly know right now, at this very moment. It looks like you're half way there as you realized that you are scared. Scan your body quickly and allow yourself to feel and name what you are feeling. Those are things you are currently certain of and are real.
It’s okay to not know if a memory is real or if it’s completely accurate. Memories are tricky things. Your brain remembers things the way it feels is the best way for you to learn from the event and cope with the knowledge. If the event isn’t detrimental, it isn’t stored. It’s okay for you to not know. You are still a person who deserves to be heard and understood and you are still worthy of being here.
I completely understand you. I’m struggling with the same thing right now. I keep going back and forth with my thoughts hoping that they’re not true because it goes against who I am as a person but then my mind keeps telling me I have done something terrible and I can’t live with myself if I ever did it. I hate this so much. You’re not alone. Please don’t ever give up. ♥️