Not really ocd related nore deoression related but ive recently really just had this bsd episode of feeling unlovable. I dont meet the criteria for clinical depressiin but this existential crisis kinda sucks. I really want to figure out what love is because theres a point whdre a person becomes unlovable right ? I read about people with low functioning autistic kids who destroy the house and people who rely too much on their partners when depressed and the oartner leaves then fir sucking theyyre soul out. I have a fear of beung unlovable and my mind is cknstantly trying tk fgure out what love is and what being umlovable is and whether to shut myself off to the world to never get hurt or to try and form close bonds and whether that is worth a shot becuase i dont want to rely too much on someone and be umlovable vut the only eay to get close to soemone is ope img up to them so where is that line exactly ? I dont want to talk to my friends on that cuz what if they hate me then? But ive noticed they are close ti each other cuz they talk about thir problems. Im the funny carefree friend no one knows about the sadder side of me and i feel so unlovable but logcially know im jpt umlovable because im jot an incovenience tk ithers but im afraid i will be if i shpw people that part of myself so i really dont know ehat to do. I tried telling my therapist who is amazimg for icd but kinda patrinziign and annoyung and treats me like a child when it comes to de0ression. I hate her aplroach but her erp suggestions are good

Yes but what does that mean exactky though? Doesnt all love have its limits ? Like what does unconditional love even mean ?

@Lucywilefire Disclosure: I’m going to speak from experience, and not everything I have to say applies to everyone. I have experienced this so I understand where you’re coming from. I believe all love does have limits. Love does not have to be unconditional. But it does have to mean that they accept your flaws to the extent that their own well-being can handle it, because you need a big support system and individuals cannot hold the entire weight of your own issues as well as theirs. Chances are you are not actually unlovable, but it could be that people can tell more than you think that there is something going on and don’t always know how to act around you. Some probably want you to get real help for what you’re experiencing. Going to therapy is a great start, but I’ve found that dealing with these things is an entire lifestyle. Years of therapy. Sometimes multiple types of therapy from multiple therapists. Sometimes it means medications, too. But you have to be willing to take charge of your life and be invested in getting help and changing because focusing on the depression just makes the depression more severe. It becomes a vicious cycle. If you want to be depressed, you will continue to be depressed. You have to address it in a functional way that makes sense for you, and you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to get the help you need. I’m not going to validate your thoughts because I don’t believe that they are valid. But being honest with the people around you about how you’re feeling is a good way to start. Addressing each issue individually and then as a whole is next. Also remember that saying you’re unlovable is not fair to the people that do love you. You’re essentially saying that their love for you isn’t valid and they’re wrong for doing it, and that’s not fair to them. If you keep telling yourself that no one loves you, eventually it may become reality. Hold on to the relationships you do have and try to be honest with people without dumping all of your trauma on them. I’ve been friends with some pretty miserable people, and often they don’t even realize how they’re affecting others. Eventually you end up leaving because they want to just stay miserable. I’m grateful my friends stuck around when I was feeling miserable, but I was also there for them when they were. Relationships go both ways.

@Lilith666 You absolutely don’t have to agree with me. It might be different for you. But that’s what I’ve experienced.

@Lilith666 I also want to add that for me, it took major events that literally pushed me to the breaking point to realize I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

@Lilith666 I dont think anyone can tell though like im ridiculously talented at hiding it, in our friend group im the "happiest" one and to my parents im the golden child. I do go t9 therspy for ocd and try to stay on top of things so i dont thnk im severely depressed just resentful of people since i feel like i cant talk to them? I guess i just dont know what the boundary is on what i can tell people and at what point im a burden. Like if i can find it id pribbaly tell people. And im also generally terrified at the prospect of telling someone becuase vulnerability is horrifying since someone else will have immense power over me and im not sure if i even want that since my depression still seems to be improving. Im really not sure what i want to do

@Lucywilefire Not everyone is going to understand what you’re going through, but if you’re open and honest with everyone and just accept not everyone will understand, then you’re not letting them hold a power over you. If they stop being your friend, then that’s a them problem that’s not a you problem. They probably weren’t great friends to begin with. And it’s also not fair to them to resent them for something you’re doing and assume they won’t understand what you’re going through. It’s good to set boundaries, because boundaries are really important. But part of those boundaries is saying “listen, I’m struggling. I’m working to get through it, but I’m not perfect and I really need your support.” And if they don’t understand then at least you tried. But if you try to go through everything alone, then you’re going to keep feeling alone.

@Lilith666 Im just not sure at what point its considered dumping my problems on them and at what point its healthy. I think its a complex issue

@Lucywilefire There’s a difference between saying “I’m letting you know I’m experiencing something difficult and I’m asking for support while I work through it” and just trauma dumping. You ask them to make their boundaries clear, and also establish that part of your boundaries is letting them know you are going through something, whether or not that means giving them details. Not saying anything at all doesn’t do anyone any good.

@Lilith666 Ty!