Still awake nearly 2 am cuz the OCD thinks I'll get possessed if I fall asleep. Any feeling in my stomach or elsewhere my brain tries to use as proof. Any advice??.

Thank you so much I am feeling much better I was listening to worship music to calm myself and finally got some sleep 😊.

@Bex. Yes that’s amazing ! What’s your fav worship song ? Mine is Egypt by Cory asbury . Also , I’m having a lot of blasphemous thoughts while at work . Trying to rebuke the thoughts but I keep making a mistake and saying the wrong thing . It’s super frustrating. Super upset with myself right now .

@Bex. Glad you got rest though . You’re about 3 hours ahead of me . When I read your post , you said it was 2 at where you are . I live in Georgia . We have EST

@Junior96! Ooh mine are fighting for me by Riley Clemmons (Piano version) broken prayers Also Riley Clemmons (piano version). Defender. Back to life (bethel music). In that order ahaha. I find the first three super calming and relatable especially when u are seriously feeling worked up ahaha. I will have to look into that song and get back to you I don't know if I have heard it before. My mind is doing the same all night it was convincing me I was pregnant with a demon?? What is with that?? OCD is so weird when you think about it. I find telling people the thoughts super scary like having said it just then. But when I type it out I see how weird the thoughts are. Like I was telling my mum what happened last night and saying it out loud is TERRIFYING. but I've realised that when you say the thoughts on out loud you realise how weird it is that I thought staying awake would prevent bad things from happening. I think OCD doesn't like it when we say things out loud because then the disorder has less power over you. So as you say the thoughts out loud OCD kicks up a fuss on its way out. Idk realising that I think I should practice explaining the thoughts more often. Mabe it would help you to do the same. Like sometimes my brain tries to convince me I want sex with a demon and it's so stressful so I try to balance it out by saying I want Jesus instead then Its like oh no that's blasphemy. Then I'm like but I would rather sex with Jesus. Åhh OCD is a vicious circle ahaha. Alow yourself to be frustrated at the OCD and get angry about it. But don't get angry at yourself because you are doing so well to keep fighting soldier. God bless you praying OCD gives you a break at work.

@Bex. Also I'm UK. What is EST? We have GMT ( Greenwich Mean Time).

@Bex. Maker of the moon is also a great song. ( Ellie Limebear).

@Bex. Currently at home now . I work from 7pm - 6am . I work the overnight shift . It’s actually not that bad . I’m able to talk to my wife and I also have a lot of free time too ! By the way , I love Riley Clemmons- fighting for me . That song is such a blessing to listen to . Funny story , so I was working out last weekend and playing that exact same song in my AirPods. The song touched me so much I was literally sobbing like a baby in the gym . I literally had to hide my face 😂 . Defender is a great song too ! That would be in my top 5 for sure . But listen to the song I told you about . It’s such a powerful song ! Great song to praise to for sure ! And EST means Eastern standard time . It’s cool to know that you’re from the UK . I’ve met a lot of people from everywhere !

@Junior96! No wayyyyy!!! That is crazy o work overnight 9pm to 7am on Friday and Sundays.

@Bex. Wild. First time I heard that son I sobbed too then listend to it on repeat belting it ahaha.

@Bex. Yeah so you understand the overnight work life . Pros and cons obviously but I actually like it a lot better . I have 3 days off and I get paid more ! And yes that song is amazing ! Are you in college or anything as well ?

@Junior96! Gap year. Yeh the nights needing with sleep can affect OCD but it's not usually to bad there's less people around so it's super calm as a work environment.

@Bex. I agree . My job is super calm as well . Less managers and things . What does gap year mean ? Sorry not familiar with that

@Junior96! It's like when you finish school you take a year to work things out. I am also currently doing ballet teacher training.

@Bex. I got you and that’s pretty cool. I went for nursing but now I want to do Christian counseling . I’m not doing either nursing or counseling . I took a break because I got married and now have a new born baby . I’m going to go back very soon though .

@Junior96! That is so cool my cousin is a councilor it sounds so rewarding while difficult. That's awesome how many months old is the baby??

@Bex. Does having a baby affect your OCD??.

@Bex. Yeah counseling is so rewarding . The privilege of empathizing with others and giving sound advice , tools and resources is so life changing . We need more vocal leaders in this world . Too many people are suffering . And my daughter is 2months old . Having a child definitely does affect my ocd . I’m not able to balance out my personal life , marriage life and parenthood . I’m still working on that .

@Junior96! I love the way you think. Yes I totally agree too many people need help. I really wish that there was more support for children especially as I had OCD growing up and didn't know until age 11 or 12. Aww bless her she prolly stil has lil baby chicken legs hehe. My mama runs a baby group on Tuesday mornings it was started for Corona babies to that parents can meet each other and get to know other parents. Hope organising your life gets a little easier glad you are helping your wife as much as possible. I'm sure you are both doing an amazing job XX.

@Bex. Yes indeed ! That’s why I’m choosing this career path . And she is actually chunky now . She’s such a hungry baby 😂 . And that’s awesome with what your mom does . Definitely pivotal during this time we live in. And yes we are doing our best . My wife is such an amazing mother . It’s absolutely admirable . We are both young parents . She has a lot of wisdom and experience for her age .

@Junior96! Aww God bless you too u guys sound awesome. I love making friends through this app there's so many people I wanna go fr coffee w and jus talk about life. People with OCD are so interesting imo cuz they think really deeply about things ahah. And appreciate so much more of life.

@Bex. Indeed ! I’m the same way . I’ve enjoyed making friends on here . I don’t talk to many of them because of work , family , and other things . I wish I could talk to them more . It such a relief to relate to others , confide and others and just honestly make friends , you know ? So yeah , I get what you’re saying .

@Junior96! Honestly some of the conversations had on here are able to be so deep and it's honestly so beautiful the way humans care so deeply for people and the way it can be seen through platforms like this and I am so genuinely grateful to the people who made this app. And to you and others on this app for your encouragement in faith and with OCD. You are so positive and uplifting thank you for all of your kind messages they mean so much XX. God bless you and keep you because you are so precious keep loving him and letting others see him through your love. Keep loving and encouraging others keep fighting soldier. God had great plans for you I love that he is using your OCD for good and that God has encouraged a love for counseling in you that you may also help others.

@Bex. Also, I’m about to get some rest . Always good talking to you . Hope to talk to you soon . Keep up the encouragement. God bless you !

@Bex. That was very kind of you ! I’m glad that you are able to see Gods love in me . Glory to our Father ! You keep doing the same as well . You’re created on purpose for a purpose . Continue to spread love and positivity in spite of what you’re going through ! I’m fighting and I know you’re fighting . Talking to many people like you has helped me to refrain from sin and fight the good fight ! I don’t know you well at all , but I am proud of you . Have a blessed day . Talk to you soon !

@Junior96! I am proud of you to thank you for your kindness 🤗. God bless you & your family sleep well XX. Hope your daughter allows you a little rest ahaha. Talk soon X.

@Bex. Hey Bex . Just needed someone to talk to . Struggling with these blasphemous thoughts again , unfortunately. Text when you can . Have a blessed rest of your night . God bless you

@Junior96! Åhh just saw this love. I was asleep for tonights shift. Sorry OCD has been rough been battling it out across the waters here too. What's on your mind. I'm grateful you thought of me to talk to.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS 🌲. Enjoy cookie baking and food. Hope the movie marathon is FABULOUS and baby's first Christmas is an AMAZING one, also that she lets you and mama sleep 😂. God bless you And your beautiful family ❤️.

@Bex. Thank youuuuu so much ☺️🙏🏻.

@Bex. You do the same ! Thanks for remembering things that I tell you. You’re truly a kind person. I do consider you my friend. Although I’ve only known you for like a week or 2 😂 . Also , I don’t want to spoil your day and be selfish but I have some things that I want to share . It is pretty deep. But I also remember you said you tend to like to talk about things like that . Not today though . Please enjoy your day and enjoy the church service . God bless you

@Junior96! Bless you love I tell my mum I have been talking to my American OCD friend often Ahaha. It's not selfish to need help no matter what day it is if you like you could type it all out and send me an email and I will get back to you when I can. Praying you are well and your brain gives you a little break over Christmas God bless your beautiful kind soul ❤️.

Honestly I think that OCD has made me allot more understanding of others so you have nothing to worry about ☺️. Thank youuuuu so much have an amazing amazing day.

@Bex. And honestly reassurance makes sense because it makes you feel just a little less alone.

I can understand it getting old that's definitely something I relate to. As for the being with Jesus I can tell you I used to have severe nightmares about it to the point where I thought they were from God. But in all honesty God made you and knows who you are getting tired of the thoughts is something you can use to launch yourself into recovery. I had many of the same compulsions which is so difficult to fight because they are mental not physical so u often to them by accident then Panic cuz u know it will make u worse. Right.

@Bex. Right ! It’s because I learned about the unpardonable sin and now that I’ve done research about it , I’ve retained all of the things I’ve learned about that sin . Things people have said and etc . My mind works like this : Whatever you aren’t suppose to think about , you’re going to excessively think about it . If you tell me not to ever think about the color blue or something bad will happen , I promise my mind will think of the color blue every second . It’s just how my mind works . I’ve retained blasphemous thoughts for about a year now . I don’t want to have these thoughts because I don’t want to ever not be forgiven . Does that make sense ?

@Junior96! TOTALLY!!!

@Junior96! Idk if u have ever seen my post about the pink elephant therapy.

@Bex. Theroy.* But it's basically exactly what u said u can't push thoughts away they will spring back you just have to let them go in there own time like any other thought u have like what ur having Fr breakfast. Wixh is what you do with ERP , mindfulness and time. It's super hard but rewarding. I am very much still working on it.

@Bex. Yeah I want to let it go , but that’ll just make me feel super guilty for having these thoughts . Just knowing the severity of blasphemousness in Christianinity , it doesn’t sit well with me . So it’s hard for me . I cannot imagine being without The Lord in eternity . Thinking of it crushes my world , honestly . I really and truly do love Him and what’s He’s done for me . I really do

@Junior96! ME too that feeling Is so impossible to describe. I love jesup and have loved and experienced his love for so many years but OCD can make you feel so cut off. Weather or not u can feel it. Remember God is close to the broken hearted. He loves you soo do much no Matter how much the devil tries to use your OCD against you.

@Bex. Thanks for that reminder Bex ! I really appreciate that . I just prayed and reminded God how much I love Him !thank you for taking your time out to text me . I know you have to prepare for work so we’ll chat next time . God bless you !

@Junior96! Aww thank youuuuu so much yes I am working right now been thinking of you hope you continue to improve. Sending prayers your way 🙏🏻.

@Bex. Thanks a lot . You’re awesome 🙏🏽

@Junior96! Have a great night can't wait to talk soon X.

Defo. Is there a way to direct message on this app?.

@Bex. No I wish . It’s only like this . I’m going to ask them to change it . I’m kidding 😂, but it would be cool to have direct message

@Junior96! Yeh I used to email one lovely woman but otherwise we have this app. Which is great.

@Bex. Yeah whatever works for you . I believe this could be a cool friendship. Like I said , I love meeting new people and having great conversations.

@Bex. But I know how it is asking people for their personal info , it can come off as weird for some people , that’s why I always mention email 😂. I’m just laughing because I know you’re probably not trying to come off as weird or anything so you mentioned email .

@Junior96! Yeh lool i have a fake email tho that I can use that doesn't have my full name etc. jeremy7473085@gmail.com Send me a quick message whenever you need I will be happy to speak to u. U sound like an awesome human being XX.

AHH i told my mum about you after I saw your message earlier 😂!!! Your so sweet bless her I love how hard she is trying to understand OCD for you it must be hard for her to watch you go through that. And yeh lol the email is one I use when websites ask for ur delivery details etc so that I don't get work and life mixed up etc.

Ahah yeh that's y i got it. That's awesome the way you work together you two really do sound like a team. Yeh my mama is awesome ahaha. Idk my accent can change a bit depending on who I'm talking too but tbh most Brits don't sound the way Americans expect. They assume we talk either cockney like Oliver twist or super posh like Mary Poppins ahah.

Lool I'm blonde blue eyes around 5,6 or 5,7.

Brown eyes 5,9 curly brown hair.

@Bex. 5,11 actually.

I would say mixed race??.

@Bex. Wow it must be super late for u rn it's 3.30 am here.

@Bex. No way , it’s late where you are . It’s only 10:35 pm here . I forgot to even consider the time difference where you are . I apologize . I hope I’m not distracting you or anything .

@Junior96! Ahaha no dw. Wow u i didn't think it was that different in tone i thought u were only a couple hours behind.

@Bex. Yeah I did too ! No wonder you said you were getting some sleep earlier . In my head , I was like wow she’s sleeping now . But being that you’re 5 hrs ahead it was the evening for you , so you were getting ready for work .

@Junior96! Also u were being helpful the OCD was being a pain. This convo was a very nice distraction.

@Bex. Yeah I remember you said you having ocd even at work too . So what’s your main issue . Like mine is blasphemous thoughts . What’s yours if you don’t mind sharing

@Junior96! ATM it because I saw the word moussaka and said it a couple times cuz I was like huh that is a funny word and then my brain was like well like like u have summoned a demon. Like really åhh ok. No thank you. So i was having to say no I want Jesus and other things along that line out loud.

@Bex. I get that too . Like I’m constantly having to rebuttal the thought out loud too . I know people at work are always looking at me funny because even while they’re talking to me , im literally rebuking the thought .

@Junior96! Haha they must think we're mad lool.

@Bex. No seriously 😂. Thankfully I wear a mask so they can’t really tell .

@Junior96! Ahahah thass good.

@Bex. Yes indeed ! But hey , nice talking . Thanks for your kindness ! I’m about to binge watch the show called The Voice ! It’s awesome ! But have a great rest of your night . Stay prayerful !

@Junior96! Ah yeh we have that in the UK. Yeh I need to work ahaha. Hope the baby doesn't keep you and your wife up to late. I love that I reminded u guys of your friend 🙂.

@Bex. Have a great night !

@Junior96! You too except its morning now ahah 5 am.

@Bex. Hey Bex ! Just saying wassup . Hope all is well .

@Junior96! Heyyy Love was gonna say the same been working every day till now so been a lil busy. How is it going. Hope the blasphemous thoughts r giving u a bit of a break over Christmas XX.

@Bex. Everything well . Working alot just like you . Thoughts are still intrusive and unwanted , but I’m pushing through . Have to stop seeking reassurance from friends on this app. It’s a comfort for me . I guess I don’t feel as guilty knowing others are going through the same . How is everything going with you and your ocd ?

@Junior96! It's been tough all the time lately I think because I am currently sleeping with my sisters in my old bed while my brother is home for Christmas. The OCD really doesnt want me to say that. OCD is just annoying 😂. Have you started some exposures?? Which ones were really tough to work at?

@Bex. But I am super looking forward to Christmas with my family and I am having a positive week overall ☺️.

@Bex. ( because I am in my old room allot of the old OCD thoughts wanna come back)

@Bex. OCD is super annoying . I’m glad that you are having a great week overall ! That’s a positive . Looking forward to hanging out with family as well . I was going to ask if you had siblings . It’s alot of us . 4 boys and 2 girls . I hardly ever see them except for my 20yr old brother . How does being with family impact your OCD ?

@Junior96! I have an older brother and 2 little sisters. Being with them isn't too bad it's just being in my old bedroom as I associate it with allot of old fears. So not doing compulsions is super difficult especially if they are ones u did for so long. However I am going to use this as an opportunity to practice ERP. That's awesome my dad was one of 6 also. he only has 1 sister. my mum has a sister and 2 brothers. So my extended family is pretty big.

@Bex. Must be pretty late over there are you at work?? It's 6m UK time?

@Bex. Yeah it’s exactly 2:02 am right now ! I’m up watching The Voice ! And yeah you all have a pretty big family as well . Perfect time to practice exposures while sleeping in your old room . I noticed that you have a lot of sub themes in related to OCD . One day , I’d like to ask about those if you don’t mind . I just always thought OCD was only pertaining to what I had , so knowing that there are others truly blows my mind . Like , we are all so different but alike in so many ways . Going through things always persuades one that they are in this all alone . Thankfully , we aren’t . This app has been a blessing because we can all relate and learn about others meanwhile inspiring others !

@Junior96! Ahaha you and the voice. Who do u want to win??? I have had OCD from the age of around 3 or for so it's had allot of time to have different themes ahaha my brain likes to keep me on my toes. Keeping it spicey. 😂😂.

@Bex. Yes definitely. That's what the OCD wants it wants you to feel alone that way you are less of a threat to the OCD's exsistance. In the same way an abuser would convince you to cut yourself off from others so that they are the 'only one you love as they are they only one who loves you'. OCD will try to cut you off from people so that it has more power. Just like the devil. That is why we need others. A single burning coal will cool quicker alone. Surrounding yourself with good people keeps you going.

@Bex. OCD keeping things spicy. Man , I’m about to punch ocd in the face 😂 I want the girl named Tom to win . Have you heard of them ? They’re so good ! I’ve always had ocd as well . Mainly contamination and religious . I never knew about ocd . Just learned about it

@Junior96! Ooh cool I will have to look them up. And yeh I didn't realize I had OCD for years bcos it's soooo misunderstood. The stereotypes really Annoy me. Also with contamination OCD. When you get out the shower if Ur leg was to accidentally tap the side of the shower would you have to rinse it all of again. That used to be something I did.

@Bex. Yeah look them up . They harmonize so well ! And my contamination isn’t that bad but like it’s bad . I literally have to use napkins to open the door , close the faucet , use the soap dispenser, open the door again. I then use sanitizer but then I also sanitize the bottle before I use it . If my hand touches something else after washing hands , I then have to wash it again . Or if someone comes by after I wash my hands , I feel like them breathing makes my hands dirty . It’s so much more Bex , but I’d type a book on here . How’d you have ocd at 3 ? And by the way , why are you up so early ? Sun out over there already . Pitch black and super cold over here

@Junior96! I did all of that too I use my sleeves for doors especially the sanatise the sanatizer. Tbf it has got allot better compared to before. My OCD is a long story but I don't totally know if it started bcos of a creepy pedo or if it was a hormone issue. I'm up super early cuz I am still in night shift mode Ahaha I have been up since around 4. How young were u when u got it and how?? Also It's Christmas Eve!!!!

@Bex. Happy Christmas Eve ! And I’m a night body as well , so I understand . I understand the contamination. I have it bad , but as you said , I’m getting better . Being in public yesterday afternoon really tested me because I was nervous and paranoid . I believe that I was about 18 or so when I started ruminating , obsessing and compulsing over things . Mine started because my dad is such a neat freak . Actually both parents were so I always had to do things a certain way and over time I developed a perfectionism / contamination behavior . Religious ocd came from doubt in my faith . I became so fearful of messing up and wanting to prove myself out of guilt and shame and so much more . I now over think any and everything . I’m nowhere near my old self but I believe that I will one day be better than before . Praying and hoping for the best !

@Junior96! Trust is amazing iam so glad you are working on yourself no one deserves to be there own bully. Lockdown was actually a great time for me to learn to refocus did u find that helped you come to terms more with how much u need to sort your OCD??. Are you looking forward to Christmas with the new baby and family??

I am so glad things are starting to look up. Do u find OCD affects allot of your other relationships like friends family etc. That's awesome sounds like a very calm Christmas. I'll be honest I don't entirely know what will happen besides morning chrurch and lunch ahah.

@Bex. Yeah ocd affects family and friends . I’m always in my head so I put things there that aren’t true . I developed a lot of insecurities , false memory and things over the years . I also get paranoid being around others . I also fear being misunderstood at times too ! I’m also not as kind as I should be because I’m always upset at myself and I tend to let that impact my mood with others . Do y’all decorate , get gifts and things like that ? Did you mean morning brunch or church ?

@Junior96! Ahaha church. And yeh I am more convinced my friends aren't possessed so I can hug them again Ahaha. And rocd wise I have to trust that if mistakes had been made my friends would be comfortable enough to tell me but yeh rocd can be super lonely. Good thing I'm fighting it off.

@Bex. We do stockings in the morning I did my mamas stocking and we do presents at 3 after lunch and the queen's speach ahah how British. We often make paper chains b4 Christmas.

@Bex. Wow , that’s so awesome . The Queen’s speech huh? That must be awesome . Y’all seem like you have a very nice and traditional family . How does your family help with OCD ? Also do you do erp on here ? And what’s your relationship status ?

@Bex. I figured you meant church . You must type fast . We both always have so many typos 😂

@Junior96! Haha yeh not the best speller in the world which is funny cuz I loved English and got good grades ahah. But yeh I type pretty fast.

@Bex. Thank youuuuu. My mum is trying to learn more about it my sister and brother are pretty helpful but for the most part it's my battle in their eyes I guess. my ERP ATM is to read triggering posts and not to do compulsions. And I am very very happily single Ahaha.

@Bex. Very very happily single . That was specific . You must have been through so much . You meant that 😂 you made that so clear . That was funny. And I’m quite sure they are praying for you. It’s hard to empathize when they haven’t been through it . My family is the same way . I think they take it lightly , but man it’s not light

@Junior96! Yep it's like they say. Jus cuz I carry it well doesn't mean it don't hurt.

@Bex. I have actually never been in a relationship. The OCD claims i could never love someone deeply enough to want to keep them so I don't wanna hurt them. But at the same time I love being single and learning about myself ☺️. I am genuinely.happy to not have a relationship. Also the Bible says that some people are blessed with single lness that they may do the Lord's work.

@Bex. We will see what God has planned.for now I am content to just be on this journey.

@Bex. That’s facts Bex !

@Bex. Amen to that . I remember Paul said that in the Bible . I’m so glad that you are positively looking on it that way . God has plans for you . Single or not ! You’re amazing that’s for sure .

@Junior96! As are you your love for God is so evident and beautiful.

@Bex. As is the love for your family (And the voice ofc).

@Bex. OCD is a liar anyway , so whatever it says just know it’s not true . How do You read your Bible ?

@Bex. 😂 I do love The Voice huh ? It’s just an awesome show. I wish I could sing that well . I do harmonize very well with my brother though . I must admit I can do that well . Just saying .

@Junior96! I have a journal Bible and highlighters. I have been reading the psalms as they are less triggering to me I think I will work my way along we shall see.

@Junior96! Ahah me too me N my siblings went to see the new spider man (soooo good btw) and we were singing all the way home in the car such a good feeling ☺️.

@Bex. That’s so nice . That’s exactly how I imagine your family ! I told you that you remind me of my friend Mikaela . I just knew it !! And I haven’t read my Bible as I should and man I feel so bad but it just triggers me so badly . God blessed me with the opportunity to read the New Testament with my pastor . We normally get lunch and go over scripture every other Wednesday but I haven’t been in about 3 weeks . I feel so bad man . But I told him we should do zoom calls and discuss scripture . When you mentioned the reference to what Paul said about being single to do the Lord’s work , it reminded me to get into my Bible reading again . So thank you whether you know it or not

@Junior96! Aww thank you. I will be honest I am far from perfect. I haven't been doing my Bible as I should either but I feel so encouraged when I do it successfully without the OCD being to Loud. Look after yourself reading your Bible while the OCD is screaming at you is hard in itself .

@Bex. Also , I need to get some rest . I’ll prI ably only sleep 5 hours but I’ll take that . You have yourself a great day ! Enjoy yourself . You’re doing so great as an individual. I know that because of the impact and joy you give me when I talk to you . Be safe friend ! You’re a blessing . Talk to you soon !

@Bex. I love that I reminded you of your friend ahahah I find that so beautiful. My pastor is extremely loving and she has a strong love for people as an ex A&E nurse (accident and emergency I think u call that ER).

@Junior96! Have an amazing night thank youuuuu so much for being so encouraging ☺️. Keep standing in the light of God he loves you more than you love your wife or even your little girl. OCD is a liar hope you get some good rest. God bless you 🙏🏻 goodnight.

@Bex. God bless you too 🙏🏽

The email is still somewhere on this chat if you scroll up a little. I do trust you however anyone on this app can see the email so I didn't want to use my personal one incase other people were to send messages as well 😂.

Ahaha jeremy7473085@gmail.com.