okay idk if this has to do with ocd or not but i think it seems a lot like i just can’t handle uncertainty. I’ve always for the last like 6 years of my life worried about “how are you supposed to know this is what u really want” or something along those lines. It used to be more existential. I would constantly think like “what if this isn’t what i’m supposed to be doing with my life” or “what if i’m just wasting my life away” i wouldnt let myself enjoy anything because i would just keep telling myself “oh well ur life is gonna be over some day so why would u let urself just enjoy it now.” then a couple months after i started dating my boyfriend i started to get really bad rocd. there were obviously specific things that i focused on, but there was always that underlying thought of “how do u know this is who u really wanna be with”. like the idea that there are a million people out there i couldn’t get over the fact that i have no way of knowing if i’m with the right person. yesterday i started to get bad trans ocd again, which i’ve had on and off before, but it really made me upset. today i just started thinking like “I literally could have any identity, any gender, any sexual orientation,etc.… so how do i know if i’m really who i’m supposed to be now?” like i could just be making it all up because that’s how i was born. like there’s no way to know and that’s so scary. and at this point i feel like i have no actual hard proof that i am the gender that i am or that i do like boys, etc. So how am i supposed to just keep living my life how i am. i realized that that last thought is really similar to the existential thoughts i was talking about in the first paragraph so it made me think more about how it probably is ocd. i just don’t know what to do because how am i supposed to just keep going when there is literally no proof that i’m not doing the wrong thing.

I had OCD when I was dating my husband. It was horrendous. I constantly was like “how do you know this is the right choice?” It was so horrible. At the time I didn’t know it was OCD so I just lived in that space. It was so awful. I also have sexual orientation OCD from time to time (I am bisexual and have POCD). I get it. I think OCD is just gonna happen. It seems to always go after whatever is most important to you. When I was dating, it went after my relationship. When I got pregnant, it went after my child. Whatever is most important - that’s where it’s gonna hit.

Hi, did you realise you were bisexual before you had OCD or did the OCD make you realise?

@gareth9x I knew I was attracted to multiple genders. I didn’t have a label. But my POCD journey taught me that it’s okay to have a label admit that I’m attracted to multiple genders and in doing so doesn’t automatically mean I’ll also be attracted to children. So me recovering from POCD is what led to me finally giving myself permission to label myself.

@precious.lions Ah that makes sense, I have suspicions that I'm bisexual and I'd be fine with that I'm just worried that it will make me lose attraction to women and I'll have to break up with my girlfriend. OCD is horrible.

@Ope It's horrible, I know for definite that I was attracted to her when I met her but now that this OCD has started I'm questioning literally everything. It's like my whole life has been a lie and I was never attracted to women.

@gareth9x That’s exactly how i feel just opposite. I also have suspicions that i could be bi which i’m fine with but as soon as i tell myself i’m okay with just being bi my brain tells me “well if u say ur bi u probably just don’t actually like men at all” it’s so hard

@hannah and it makes me feel like i’ll have to break up with my boyfriend too:(

@Ope exactly ugh it’s the worst. Like how are we ever supposed to feel confident in our sexual orientation of our brain doesn’t ever let us just make a decision or something

@Ope I hope it gets better for u :( I really just wanna be able to be happy with my boyfriend too