so i’ve been getting a lot better in regards to ocd, & i’m very proud of the progress i’ve made since seeking help. however, i think i have a different problem now. i am a college student on winter break. this semester was incredibly difficult, stressful, and overwhelming. it was also my first semester of college. naturally, i didn’t get much sleep. and when i could sleep over weekends, i’d sleep until noon. that made me feel incredibly guilty for resting, and like i didn’t deserve it. i felt like i should have been working instead. this internalized guilt has followed me into break. i tend to be a night owl, and i typically stay up until 1-3 AM most nights unless i’m not doing anything with my friends. then i usually go to bed at 11 or 12. sometimes earlier. i aim to wake up at 9:30 no matter what time i go to bed. i have alarms set. and if i sleep past 9:30 (which 9 times out of 10 i do) i feel so guilty and upset with myself that i start crying and think i’m an unproductive failure, even though… i’m on break. i don’t need to work. and the whole point of break is for me to recover from this really intensely stressful semester i just had. and i realize rest is good, i just can’t fully internalize that. i feel guilty for taking time for myself at all. i know this has an easy solution (just go to bed earlier) but i usually find myself up talking to friends i can’t talk to during the day because of time zone differences. and i really don’t want to lose that connection. and there’s no consequence for me doing this, because technically i *can* sleep and rest until whenever, but i still feel guilty for doing so. even if i still end up getting 6-8 hours of sleep. i think it’s just the precedent of waking up at/after noon that bugs me.

i’m in college and on my summer break now. i don’t have a job yet or much to occupy myself with and im finding it really difficult to keep my ocd under control. if i have nothing to do, i find myself sitting around and ruminating heavily and getting severely anxious and my thoughts just keep wandering. i don’t really feel peace of mind unless im with my boyfriend or my best friend, both of which i don’t get to see often because they’re very busy or live far away. im not sure how to keep myself busy and how to occupy my brain with something other than worries :(

i’ve unfortunately fallen into the cycle of trying to figure out my thoughts and find answers as to why i feel so distressed. this still pertains to the situation regarding changing my room for those reading who have seen my multiple posts over the last few days. i’ve been so distressed and in so much panic about it. i’m also panicking over my other room looking so different from when i left it. it’s been making me feel crazy because to me there’s no reason for my anxiety to latch so hard onto something that seems so minuscule. i was thinking i was having anxiety over change, but it’s like symptoms of ocd too that’s making it really hard for me to let go. SO i started thinking maybe it was perfectionism ocd? i’ve realized over time that i do compulsions to where things have to feel “just right”, but i also do that with any environment i’m in. like it HAS to feel cozy to me and provide me comfort in order for me to feel at ease. and this change is causing me to panic because there’s something wrong that i can’t find an answer to. maybe the different colored carpet? but it’s also more than that it feels like. however, now it’s spreading into other areas of my house where i’ve always been fine in and possibly to just any area i’m in at all. hence why it’s making me feel crazy because there’s no reason for me to be THIS distressed over that as i’ve never really had this problem before. and when i did it would last maybe an hour to a couple of days at most, but this has been going for over 2 weeks with my really bad anxiety being this week. i’m doing a little better, but it’s still hard when i can feel that panic waiting for me to acknowledge and just engulf me in the ocd cycle. i’m also analyzing basically any feeling i have so i just feel off in general and like i’m going insane. i’ve been so hyper focused on how i feel and that will send me spiraling too. multiple themes then start coming in like existential ocd and fear of solipsism. not to mention my harm and contamination ocd that just adds on when i’m this vulnerable. then i worry if no one is real, then no one feels the way i do. or just in general that what if no one feels the way i do. honestly, i think being out of college and in my house with nothing to do is causing me too much time with my thoughts. which is why i’m so distressed about everything that pops into my brain.

Hey all this is my first post so i’m kind of nervous. I’d like to hear feedback from outside sources and people not directly in my life who might be biased. I am not sure if this is an OCD thing or maybe just an anxiety thing but I would love some advice. I am a night owl and the rest of my family is not. I’m an adult who still lives with my parents since i’m saving money to move out. Every night I stay up until around 12:30 in our living room to relax and wind down with a quiet house (like my own me-time) and then go to bed. My parent’s room is right off the living room and they close their door while I’m awake so they can sleep. They told me not to be up past midnight since their room gets “too stuffy” with the door closed. I haven’t been doing well with midnight but try my best to shut everything off by 12:30 at the latest. They got mad that I don’t listen and now say I am not allowed in the living room after they go to bed. So when they go to bed I have to confine myself to my bedroom. I like my routines and thinking about trying to wind down (by reading or crocheting) in my bed feels wrong because my bed is “for sleeping” only. I feel like I don’t have a comforting safe place to relax before bed now and when I have tried to explain that to them they don’t care and say i’m disrespecting them. I’m curious what you might think about the situation and would appreciate feedback, regardless if i’m in the wrong or not. It makes me wish I didn’t live here but I don’t really have anywhere else to go.