so i’ve been getting a lot better in regards to ocd, & i’m very proud of the progress i’ve made since seeking help. however, i think i have a different problem now. i am a college student on winter break. this semester was incredibly difficult, stressful, and overwhelming. it was also my first semester of college. naturally, i didn’t get much sleep. and when i could sleep over weekends, i’d sleep until noon. that made me feel incredibly guilty for resting, and like i didn’t deserve it. i felt like i should have been working instead. this internalized guilt has followed me into break. i tend to be a night owl, and i typically stay up until 1-3 AM most nights unless i’m not doing anything with my friends. then i usually go to bed at 11 or 12. sometimes earlier. i aim to wake up at 9:30 no matter what time i go to bed. i have alarms set. and if i sleep past 9:30 (which 9 times out of 10 i do) i feel so guilty and upset with myself that i start crying and think i’m an unproductive failure, even though… i’m on break. i don’t need to work. and the whole point of break is for me to recover from this really intensely stressful semester i just had. and i realize rest is good, i just can’t fully internalize that. i feel guilty for taking time for myself at all. i know this has an easy solution (just go to bed earlier) but i usually find myself up talking to friends i can’t talk to during the day because of time zone differences. and i really don’t want to lose that connection. and there’s no consequence for me doing this, because technically i *can* sleep and rest until whenever, but i still feel guilty for doing so. even if i still end up getting 6-8 hours of sleep. i think it’s just the precedent of waking up at/after noon that bugs me.