Does anyone else feel like they are constantly in trouble or doing something wrong? I think that way every day.

It’s awful 😔

I looked for your post, I couldn’t find it

@iwantpeace Ok I was able to copy/paste it. Here you go: I am embarrassed by the amount of times I’ve posted. I’m determined to get that number down by not posting tomorrow. I may comment but I am determined not to post. Doesn’t matter cause people don’t seem to see my stuff anyway So I work as a dishwasher in a restaurant in downtown Pasadena. I worked with this girl with a lesbian and she made a very obvious and I’m not even being mean she straight up said it. And told me about her history. I mean I’ve been spiking on and off pretty bad probably since I started working here and maybe not directly because of that although it probably didn’t help. But today that coworker came up to me and was I’m scared she’s she’s not cute and I said something about snaggletooth but it’s just that she’s a girl I don’t really care their teeth are not perfect. My guys teeth aren’t perfect they’re nice but they’re not perfect and I don’t care. But she came up to me and I keep saying stuff like she’s but she’s not cute. Not like that. Personality’s cool but I don’t swing that way but I’m scared that I don’t have confidence in that but I do genuinely doubt. Then I thought of a model like I do but I don’t find any shape or size of a woman’s chest or body parts attractive or just them in general all encompassing. Anyway this culture comes up to me and I keep feeling like because she’s smiling and I act like that is but it’s not cute but she’s smiling and I’m instantaneously suspicious. Because of the way it is I’m like I’m always suspicious when someone’s like I have to ask you something proceeds to smile and I keep getting scared saying that she’s not cute I don’t swing both ways I’m scared when I told her that I’m straight I wasn’t lying but now I feel weird as I am but I’m not lying! So she told me a guy coworker likes me and I was already able to get her a buzz. And I feel bad because it’s not like the guys not nice but I’m not attracted to him and he came onto strong and seems bit too sensitive and the weird thing is the guy I want is incredibly sensitive but somehow not delicate. I don’t know if it’s just because the person you want they could be or they could have a certain trait in you’re fine with it but if someone else has the same trait and you don’t like them then it bugs you. But when the coworker told me that I keep feeling weird thinking of how she was like smiling at me and I don’t like women and now I said him I’m more than like my guy don’t like the dude she’s talking about. I can’t get over the smile and I my heart feels funny but I don’t like her or any woman like that I don’t know why my heart feels funny and I imagine because she’s smiling at me and she’s close like it’s not just that it’s also that I have a really really sensitive sense of personal space. For someone who is so small I need a great deal of personal space it’s weird. And I looked and she’s like oh I’m not hitting on you I’m like well that’s good but I’m still panicking a little bit I’m like stop it you’re being an idiot. And she like someone likes you and I’m scared I keep saying she’s but she’s not cute and I don’t swing that way and I’m scared I can’t say that with confidence anymore and I hate it! I don’t like her and I looked at her lips and I thought of and I’m scared I didn’t really feel anything I don’t know if I felt anything imagine kissing her when she’s talking like that right close to me but I pushed it aside and I know I don’t want that and when I said I’m straight I was telling the truth. And then she said no it’s a guy that likes you my God thank God and there was her leave and I’m like no offense and she didn’t take it personally. I keep saying she’s she’s not that cute not that kind. And I don’t know if it’s the amount of pills I’ve taken like Tylenol p.m. because I took a Tylenol p.m. full strength so it’s like two pills and magnesium tablet like the vitamin. And I am fucking feeling it like I am so heavy in my head. But has anyone ever experienced this? Like I was looking at her with her girlfriend and I feel weird because I’m I said there’s nothing wrong with thinking of boobs but there’s everything went wrong with my thoughts and I’m like oh wow that’s exactly the opposite how I feel or that’s how I feel about guys not girls like I look at them and I realize that’s really not me. And I don’t like thinking there’s nothing wrong with my thoughts because I don’t like them but I don’t like realizing all does nothing wrong thinking of when you don’t like them but there I don’t wanna think there’s nothing wrong I don’t it doesn’t feel right that’s for sure it doesn’t feel good those kind of thoughts about females and their body parts don’t do it for me so I don’t like thinking all there’s nothing wrong with having those thoughts there is it’s not right for me. But looking at them like I’m like oh well I’m really not like that it’s just not me and I don’t mean like that as in good or bad it’s just not me. And I’m scared when I said that I imagined round boobs in squeezing them like I do when I imagine but I don’t want to do a guys and babies do I don’t want to do that so the sites are wrong to me. And that was after I looked at them to get annoying I don’t feel like that about the same and I said about but I feel the same about guys not the same sex I don’t like insinuating otherwise. And I don’t know why I feel bad that I said the guys too sensitive when I really very much more than like sensitive guys and I’m really scared I keep making a face I know I don’t like they are they’re not too delicate or sensitive I love I guess I’m getting the wrong impression like I’m thinking sensitive guy like from like the dude from friends that Rachel was with for a while that was just too much I love that you know I love because I am not very sensitive so I am attracted to dudes that are lied sensitive but at least the humerus you know what I mean it’s just I just think this guys too much and I feel bad because I’m thinking the guy that I’m interested in or just the type of guy in general I’m scared I’m being Calais like they all are there not too sensitive I’m not sensitive enough I just don’t like this particular guy And I was sitting on a crate as I was cleaning the girls because I’m short and I can get away with that and nobody else cares and I had my legs open just because you know I had to make room for the crate I couldn’t sit my cross legged the things I’m strong enough to handle that and then I said but I don’t I keep calling if it’s not sweet or hot I don’t like vaginal canal I don’t like the opening I don’t like clit I want dick and I’m really scared I said knock you like me I’m not get all I called I said someone is not gay like me I’m not gay why would I say like me when I’m not at all and I hate that all the OCD people are like nachos triple who suffer it but shrinks are telling me that he never goes away you’ll never be totally certain and he have to live with that but I hate it! I don’t care that there’s nothing wrong with it why I can’t stand this! Why did I say not like me when I’m in entirely straight Why!? Why did I say not like me when I’m not gay and I said it so easily but I’m not fucking gay I’m scared I’m just addressing some random person in my head saying and I’m scared I really mean it and I keep nodding up and down seriously like no you’re not like me you’re not gay I’m not gay at all I don’t understand I’m not gay I’m seriously not gay at all i’m scared I’m so serious saying that you’re not gay at all but I’m not gay either and I don’t even know who I’m talking to I’m scared I’m so scared of the feelings in my chest saying you’re not gonna like me I’m not I don’t wanna be I’m not gay I don’t like triangles I don’t care about this I’m not gay why did I say not like me when I’m entirely not gay. Why am I seeing it so seriously and I keep imagining they’re not hot or sexy I don’t wanna do a guys and babies do I don’t want triangles around don’t like boobs in profile I don’t like boobs at all really not gay honest to God! Why did I say not like me when I’m not gay Sorry I’m so embarrassed

@Bookworm91 But although I'll share I thought that I had just now that scared me. I said feel better saying must be but I'm not gay there's no must be I'm not and I feel like I'm being choked like my chest is constricting and I can't really breathe that well and I don't feel like I feel like what does that say about me when I say it feels better to say must be when there's no reason for it there's no must be I'm not gay to attracted to women! So why would I say must be why would I say feels better I don't feel better now and I don't want that and I don't like the feeling I have my chest thing feels better seeing must be when I'm not THERES NO MUST BE. Why do I feel worse refuting that there is genuinely no reason for must be im NOT GAY or attracted to women I keep saying genuinely but I don’t want to feel better cause im genuinely not gay I feel like a loser

@Bookworm91 You’re not a loser. Maybe it just scared you because the girl was staring at you and making you feel weird. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just something new to you so your OCD is trying to twist it all up like it always does to us. You know who you are better than anyone else so just try to not think too much about it. I get weirded out when things like that happen. I’m sorry

@iwantpeace It’s ok. Thanks for listening. I know I’m straight it’s just sometimes I wish like the thing that bugs me the most is the snake body parts war and I make faces as though I don’t but I like male body parts the top and bottom I don’t like the way it woman’s body parts looks or sticks out and yet I may face as low as though I don’t but I really like ice chests and I don’t want anyone who’s huge overdeveloped but sometimes it’s like when will the guys parts come back so to speak if you know what I mean I know I don’t want women but it’s just I’m scared guys are going away and I don’t want them to one in particular I want my guy but you know broadly as a whole I want guys and I want them to come back