Ah... I need to explode a little today here... I don't understand why I see myself as a nb person now. Seriously hocd, can you please let me feel myself one day? Im losing the way I see reality... is like I'm trying to confirm myself that genres doesn't exist anymore. And, what is worst, mostly with the way I see boys. I don't want to believe my "lesbian thoughts" that much that I protect myself erasing my identity and the others around me. With hocd I always can remember what I really like at the end(sometimes), but with this... Is like I don't know if I am a girl anymore? Or who I am? Everything is doubts. Are the others even what they say they are? Should I start using pronouns even if I just don't feel comfortable with anything? There is not anymore a yes or a no, just an empty space that is called me and is so crazy. Nothing seems real. Nothing has sense. Why now? Why this? Is so stupid and even much more stupid that I worry about it. That Im starting to believe it. Seriously I just want some peace of mind and stop crying for a single night for every identity crisis that I don't need in my life. I have to wait until I see my therapist for 4 more days... but is not enough and this is so long... Im not that scared anymore. Now Im just sad, like when you don't have a purpose. Im living like a fucking robot without a gps who can think, dream or create anything. I would like to talk to someone nb, I want to believe feeling like that is different and beautiful and unique, because this is just a torture (or not, I dont know anymore) where I just cant stop thinking about it without knowing what to do. It would be more reassurance so... great. I wish you're feeling better than me. And don't go googling shit, that only makes it worse. It only makes you suggest yourself and that's a losing battle.

JM1998

Date posted: 6y

I feel you on this!

Brooklyn33

Date posted: 6y

Really? Can I hear your story? It would help to understand it better and feel less lonely.. ♡

JM1998

Date posted: 6y

Pretty much dealt with HOCD since January, possibly even before, but it mainly happened when I was smoking a blunt with a coworker, recently told me he was bi, then I noticed he started looking at me in a certain way and felt kinda odd. I’m not rude or an asshole but it’s one of those uncomfortable feelings. And I went into the bathroom and said “I wonder if this is gay” I extremely felt odd and started to mini panic and as soon as I went back out side I felt a “groinal response” and you have to remember my mind was going off with stupid ass thoughts but this one scared the shit out of me. That was this past January and I’ve been struggling hard. Other themes like to pop up besides HOCD, harm OCD about family members and my girlfriend. And of course ROCD. It sucks. OCD has made me ruminate to points where I’m scared af and just don’t feel like myself, and honestly it wants me to feel alien of myself. Scary.

Brooklyn33

Date posted: 6y

Wow. I actually have this since december. And it happened to me in a similar way like yours :0 and I feel the same as you... Even if I told myself somedays this is okay. Or this is the truth... I don't feel like being myself o feeling okay

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