Masturbation is so annoying when you have intrusive thoughts

Is anyone with POCD dealing with the intrusive thoughts happening more when they are watching something and it mentions anything sexual ? Every time anything like that is mention, the Intrusive thoughts get really bad. Similar thing with if I do something like masturbate. I haven’t done it in weeks because I’ve been so scared to. I hate when the thoughts happen and I feel like a terrible person (especially because of when they come) also, sorry if this is tmi, I just need to get it off my chest and hear about other people’s experiences. Anyway, I tried to masturbate again, and the intrusive thoughts happened again and an image of a child would just pop up in my mind, and I would stop immediately, and then when I forced myself to think of something else, I tried again and then the thoughts came back. It’s so frustrating, I can’t do anything g anymore without intrusive thoughts ruining it and making me feel disgusting and horrible ! It makes me feel even worse that the thoughts happen when I’m doing something like this because I feel so guilty and OCD can trick your brain into thinking you enjoy it, but I know I don’t because I would never do anything to hurt a child. Ever ! I would rather hurt myself. And then afterwards when I was trying to get asleep, the worry kicked in and I thought ‘omg what if I continued to masturbate when the intrusive thoughts came and I enjoyed it ?’ So now obviously I’m worried that I did, and now I can’t decipher between if I actually did that or if I didn’t, and now false memories is making the situation even worse by making me think that I purposely thought of the thoughts whilst I was masturbating, and now I just feel awful and guilty. Or ‘omg what if I am actually a pedophile’ and then I kept trying to test my reactions by thinking of a child to check that I was disgusted by the idea, and if I wasn’t completely uncomfortable then I would begin to worry more, thinking that I somehow enjoyed it. Honestly, OCD is torture. To whoever’s reading this, I hope you’re having a good/okay day with your OCD and I hope you’re happy today. This illness sucks and I’m sorry that all of us have to deal with it. Sometimes I wish I would get amnesia or something and forget that I have all these thoughts and all the things that OCD convinced me of, and I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I think that’s the only way I can get better and forget about this. Or I think ‘wouldn’t it be so good if someone invented a device that could just take all the bad thoughts away and I wouldn’t even know I ever had them’

I’m having constant intrusive thoughts and it’s driving me crazy. I will go through these periods where everything I do I get an intrusive thought and it’s just my brain is so loud. Anyone else?! How do you stop the constant intrusive thoughts when you can’t really do an exposure for every single one?!

I don’t know how to get rid of them