- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Once my best friend got a girlfriend and then completely forgot about my friendship. We used to spend every day together and were joined at the hip. I was very upset in the same way I would have been if a relationship had ended. He always agreed to plans and then bailed, never wanted to visit because he was busy with his girl etc. Needless to say I was so hurt I stopped talking to him. How could someone just forget about years of friendship overnight just because of a girl? We fell out and didn’t speak for a couple of years. Then I got a serious girlfriend and suddenly I started to understand a little about what it meant to be in love and how almost everything does drop away. He could have handled it better but I stopped resenting him. After a few years of not speaking we finally started again. By this point we had matured and could understand all perspectives. He later moved to another country and we’ve been in close contact since, both of us having had new girlfriends and being in different places. People change, friends come and go, the friends who are worth your time will come back and be in your life. The ones who leave and don’t come back aren’t worth your time. This is a very long winded way of saying I understand you feel rejected and left out but don’t feel stupid, you didn’t do anything wrong. It sounds like your pride is damaged and you’re worried about losing them. It sounds like you feel undervalued and because you don’t want to give yourself away so freely you feel like you aren’t worth as much. Maybe it’s a little corny and even irritating, but practicing stoicism has always helped me with this type of thing. Sounds like your crush wasn’t meant to be. That’s ok! You don’t want someone who doesn’t appreciate you for who you are. I say let them do their thing, you can’t control them and you have no say in what they do. Turn your focus to yourself and what you want to do to stay happy. It’s unfortunate you work together, but don’t let them get the better of you. Be as normal as you can be and get your work done. If they are nice people they will talk to you and say that they understand how you feel and try to smooth things over. If they are mean to you they are not friends! Maybe you’ll fall out for a while, it might be an age thing and later on you’ll be friends again. What’s most important for now though is you look after yourself and you stay happy. Maybe try and make some friends outside work that are yours and unrelated to them? Good luck
- Date posted
- 3y
Also I really hope that helps, hope that’s not a counter productive post. I just mean to say that if you can let other people do what they do and try to find a source for happiness that is unrelated to them then if and when people let you down it won’t hurt as much and you can keep feeling positive. You’ll have nice people around you, you’ll be doing nice things that make you happy, and any negative vibes from people will be harder to touch you
- Date posted
- 3y
I appreciate your words of encouragement and thank you for your help. I know it shouldn’t hurt so much but it does. It makes things really awkward between all of us. But I’m hoping it will be over soon and things will go back to normal. I really don’t want to talk to either of them for a while just because if they are involved, I don’t want to get in their way because they both tend to flirt with literally anybody. So I don’t want him flirting with me if he’s involved with her because then she’s gonna get hurt and I’m going to be sad because he’s playing me again like he’s done before. He literally flirts with most of the people I work with. So it’s just dumb drama I guess. I’m just gonna have to focus on me for a while. Until then I will appreciate the ones who really do have my back and will stick by my side when things go wrong. Thanks again for your help!
- Date posted
- 3y
I would just ignore any flirting and focus on the work, if he’s flirting with everyone then you know you don’t want to be involved with that. Drama is never a good thing. I think that’s a great idea, appreciate the good ones! There’s millions of nice people out there, don’t waste any time on the ones who make you upset.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m going to try. She’s acting like I’m the one who’s done something wrong and I feel bad because I don’t want to lose them. But whatever isn’t going to do me any good to worry about it I guess
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ That’s where the annoying phrase ‘rise above it’ comes in, which is very hard to do when you’re emotionally connected to the situation, but I would try and remind yourself you are better than pettiness and you don’t need friends who try to make you feel bad. The sooner you show you aren’t interested and you’re focussed on your own thing (not in a ‘I don’t need you guys’ kind of way) the sooner the drama will cool off I’m sure.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Str3ss3d Ok I will try that. Thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
And you’re welcome 👍
- Date posted
- 3y
You didn't do anything wrong friend. Your best friends should've been honest with you about all of it from the start. Don't listen to what she said about you needing to grow up, they're the ones that handled the situation the wrong way, they were immature and disrespectful in how they handled it. I'm sorry that happened to you though Just Breathe... :( I hope and pray that you'll feel better and find peace from this situation you're in... I'll be praying for you. God bless friend.
- Date posted
- 3y
You’re very right. They should have. Thank you friend! I haven’t seen ya in a while I hope you are doing well. God bless friend.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, I'm sorry. I've been very busy lately. I'm trying to figure out how to find more time to relax, I feel like I'm always busy with something and can never find time to relax anymore, or at least not until it's really late at night. And OCD has been really tough lately too, but I'm trying to do ERP and just sit with my anxiety, but it's just difficult. I hope and pray you've been enjoying the holidays and that you'll have a Merry Christmas friend! I hope we'll all have a better year in facing our OCD. God bless friend! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
I completely understand. Just remember to not be so hard on yourself and try to make sometime for you. Whether it’s reading a book or going for a short walk. Just to clear your mind for a while. This Christmas is really rough with losing two of my best friends at work because of stupid drama and it being the first Christmas without my dad. But I’m holding on as best as I can. Hopefully next year will be a better year for us all. Merry Christmas friend! May God bless you and your family
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m a 19 year old girl and I have relationship ocd. My bf (20) and I are in college and around 2 days ago he asked for a break via text and then we called after on the phone which was the last time we spoke. We’ve been doing medium/long distance (1-2hrs away from eachother). I’m his first serious relationship and girl he’s ever loved. He’s my first healthy relationship and he felt like home to me. We both date to marry and everything with him felt so finalized, as silly as it sounds. Due to life being life we haven’t been able to see eachother the past three ish weeks. During that time he became different, wasn’t as loving as he used to be, and I had to continuously ask him to call me and he only did once or twice for about 15 minutes. He’s incredibly busy and in a agricultural frat. Unfortunately, he seeks a lot of validation from his frat brothers. It’s funny too, because I absolutely hate frats since I feel like often, of course not always, but often, all frats are about partying and hookup culture. That’s ok, it’s just not my thing as that to me isn’t what I value. With my bf though, I still loved him anyway. My bf was different from the stereotypical frat guy douche. You truly would not guess that him of all people is in one. He has incredibly redeeming qualities - he’s so kind, always tries to do the right thing, is so gentle, hardworking, encouraging, sensitive and sometimes emotionally intelligent lol. Due to this he gets treated differently in the house and the brothers disrespected him constantly. He would literally cry about it in my arms or in his car multiple times. When he was in my arms I was tearing up because it hurt me to see him like that. It broke my heart, but he was always too afraid to speak up for himself. I got pissed so many times and said I will say something for him - I’d do literally anything for him to make him happy. It became very obvious to me that he’s seeking so much male validation to fit in even though he comes from a great family with two married parents, with his dad being an absolutely amazing person and two older brothers. Hes said so many times that he doesn’t belong at the frat and I agreed and would tell him it’s because he was too good for them. I think he’s changed now though, and he honestly wants to fully submerge himself into this frat. He’s also taking max credit classes and has a job. I’ve been working to transfer over to the school he is at and as of late I’ve been doing community college, doing therapy with NOCD, going to the gym, and finally getting a car and being able to drive. I find myself that in relationships I let the other persons mood define mine, and I minimize my needs to make them happier. I wish I wasn’t like this and that I was a normal person. I care so deeply about him and want the best for him and I. I think he saw that flaw in me and with the combined stress of us being busy and not seeing eachother, thought it was time for a break. We called after he sent the text and I sobbed and acted a fool on the phone and I was absolutley pissed st first but only because I care. That was our first phone call in a while. He was crying and sobbing and calling me baby and the last thing we said to eachother was I love you, with him initiating that. Not too long after he was quick to take a lot of our posts down and stop sharing his location. So I did the same, and then just deleted all of my social media. I don’t know if he unadded me on anything, I don’t want to know and I don’t want to see his posts. I don’t think he has any idea as to what he’s doing. I’ll never forget when I was his date to one of his frat formals and I spoke to an alumni for a long time. He said to my bf waiting for me while I was in the bathroom “you got a good girl, take care of her”. My bf told me after that happened, because it was sweet, but I don’t think he honestly knew what that man really meant. Because I think if my bf did understand; I wouldn’t have to practically beg him to acknowledge me with a “maybe we could call” text for weeks, he would’ve directly thanked my mom for all the gifts I bought him using her money, he would’ve actually looked my mom in the eyes when he’s talking to her, he would’ve made sure that with intimacy my needs were also satisfied - not just his, he wouldn’t have told me what makeup style I should wear and what celebrities/traits he finds attractive in other girls even though I’ve voiced I’m uncomfortable with it, he would’ve shown more interest in my hobbies and likes the way I did his, and lastly, he would’ve been more courteous about my feelings and put his ego aside. I mean I’d literally watch hour long videos about fucking warhammer even though I thought it was boring. I sent him an educational video about OCD that I don’t think he ever took the time to watch. Which hurts, because he knows it’s something about me that I discovered during our relationship. Meanwhile, while I have stuff to work on like every person ever, I understand that I don’t need to fit into a group to feel complete. I’ve been authentically myself, flawed and all. I’m not afraid to show my problems to people. I don’t think I’m better than him because I’m like this, but I think that’s where we’re at right now. He hurt me so much and if/when he decides to come back is when I let him. I want him to regret this and for us to work out, but only if there’s change. He said we should work on ourselves and I agree. I’m slowly feeling better, but this took so many people by surprise especially his brothers gf who I was incredibly close to. She also has OCD funnily enough, and we’ve privately bonded over our bfs just not understanding OCD or going to each other for relationship/self care advice. I don’t know what to do, he was home to me. I love him, but I don’t love his actions and I deserve more. I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on, regrets it, and truly understands my value.
- Date posted
- 19w
I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.
- Students with OCD
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- Date posted
- 18w
This is probably not OCD but I have made a post about this guy. So long story short, last week I texted him asking how his day went with his mom and all that. So he then texts me “how was your day” and I said good and I said “yours” and he said “tough” “I’m going to bed ttyl “ I asked what happened and what’s wrong and never get a response. Next day at work he’s not talking to me so I thought to myself to just wait and give him space. Hours later I eventually ask him at work if he was okay and he said he’ll talk to me after work. Never does. Still never talks to me. The next day is Sunday and he still never texts me so I continue getting ready for church and ended up staying hom and telling him “I’m staying home this Sunday” “I’m proud of you for getting baptized” still no answer until finally Monday night or Tuesday morning he responds with “THX” I come in to work today and my cousin (manager) says he asked her if (the other manager) was going to church tomorrow she tells him “she said no” and then my cousin says “did you ask Bree?” (That’s my name) and he says “I really don’t want to talk to her right now”) he asks my cousin will she go to church with him. I keep overthinking “what in the world did I do” I’m trying to figure out what happened. I feel crazy for wondering what happened for him to all of sudden do this. I just like him as a friend but now I’m starting to dislike him period and have permanently deleted our messages and blocked him today. I took my time and thought hard before blocking and deleting. Maybe he’ll talk to me maybe not but we’re adults and I’m trying to figure out what i did because I’m really confused
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