people with TOCD, please lmk if you feel like this I’ve always been happy with the gender I’ve been. Female . A girl. Doing girly girl things such as makeup , fashion , doing nails, and etc and have never once thought about switching my gender . I like my body and have been comfortable with whom I’ve been. And I’ve always been comfortable with my she/her pronouns and all that stuff . But ever since I got TOCD it’s like “do you?” And I think it’s creating false feeling and false thoughts. Like I’ve never thought about being the opposite gender and I’ve never liked male items but now every time idk I try to do an “ exposure “ I’m like “a dress or a suit” and my brain would pick a suit but I’ve never wanted to wear a suit . I would want to wear a dress and it makes me feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I’m already a man?? Like I’m not sure :( but it makes me feel uncomfortable but I already got used to it and I’m like “wow I severely need a therapist now to help me” I don’t want a penis but I get intrusive thoughts about you do and coming out to my family and stuff like that’. I don’t like or want to look masculine but I think my brain wants to but I don’t :( that’s why I feel like I’m in denial but I really don’t want to :( It feels like my personality just completely switched like that In an instant . I don’t want to be a man but I got used to this feeling :( My friend also did a tarot card reading on me and told me I’m in some sort of denial which I don’t wanna believe since she’s absolutely new .

Also like my brain keeps telling me that I want a penis but I don’t want one . It’s uncomfortable and can’t imagine myself with one and I cross my legs because it feels gross . And every time I look at a man my brain keeps telling me that I want to be the man but I don’t want to :( I don’t want to at all . But idk if I want to be the girl either (?) idk who tf I am anymore . I can’t look at myself in the mirror or comfortably shower and I can’t look at photos from before since idk who I am :( but I don’t want to be a man but it’s in my head and I feel like I’m in denial bc of the feeling. Please anyone with TOCD lmk your experiences cause it’s uncomfortable. Like I said my brain is making me feel like I’m already a man but it’s uncomfortable and I don’t want to . I feel like it’s got to be body dysmorphic . I can’t tell anyone these feelings cause I don’t want them to think wrong.

when i went through tocd - which i still sometimes do - i felt exactly like this. you’re not alone! 💛 and take tarot with a pinch of salt

A lot of this is very similar to my experience. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that a lot of my social / mental problems over the years have been because I am "really" a latent, closeted trans woman. Like if I imagine myself with a vulva instead of a penis, I don't want that, but then I get a thought like "that's just you in denial" or "you can be a trans woman and keep your penis." Sometimes it'll be a little thing -- I'll just see my first name and think that maybe I should change it to a feminine name; someone calls me Sir/Mister and I think "I am fooling them," etc. It's rough stuff! I just try to do ERP regularly and not engage with the thoughts.