- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Also like my brain keeps telling me that I want a penis but I don’t want one . It’s uncomfortable and can’t imagine myself with one and I cross my legs because it feels gross . And every time I look at a man my brain keeps telling me that I want to be the man but I don’t want to :( I don’t want to at all . But idk if I want to be the girl either (?) idk who tf I am anymore . I can’t look at myself in the mirror or comfortably shower and I can’t look at photos from before since idk who I am :( but I don’t want to be a man but it’s in my head and I feel like I’m in denial bc of the feeling. Please anyone with TOCD lmk your experiences cause it’s uncomfortable. Like I said my brain is making me feel like I’m already a man but it’s uncomfortable and I don’t want to . I feel like it’s got to be body dysmorphic . I can’t tell anyone these feelings cause I don’t want them to think wrong.
- Date posted
- 3y
when i went through tocd - which i still sometimes do - i felt exactly like this. you’re not alone! 💛 and take tarot with a pinch of salt
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! I’m not looking for reassurance but I feel like I’m going insane :(
- Date posted
- 3y
@aprilmava i wish i had advice to give but honestly, i just move on to new themes, forget tocd, and then it comes back. i think we could both benefit from maybe exposing ourselves to the possibility more. like unconditional acceptance.
- Date posted
- 3y
@garden I do that too! It switched from theme to theme but it still there . Thanks anyways ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
A lot of this is very similar to my experience. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that a lot of my social / mental problems over the years have been because I am "really" a latent, closeted trans woman. Like if I imagine myself with a vulva instead of a penis, I don't want that, but then I get a thought like "that's just you in denial" or "you can be a trans woman and keep your penis." Sometimes it'll be a little thing -- I'll just see my first name and think that maybe I should change it to a feminine name; someone calls me Sir/Mister and I think "I am fooling them," etc. It's rough stuff! I just try to do ERP regularly and not engage with the thoughts.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Is it normal for this theme to legit make you feel like you’re the opposite gender and that’s what you want to be and it’s very convincing? And you just keep getting images and scenarios in ur head of you transitioning and actually going through with it? This is sooo scary and i don’t feel like myself at all anymore. It’s making me not feel like a woman or myself of how I’ve always been my whole life. I’m really nervous and scared, it’s really make me feel like this is my true feelings/ self ): it’s causing me to feel weird k. My own body and feel weird about my body parts. Like my brain is literally thinking as a trans person would feel or think like wtf??? Is this normal?!? Pls someone let me know. & and it’s making me feel like I’m attracted to woman all the sudden and i keep getting flashes of that in my head. I’m in a relationship and im scared this is gonna ruin things bc the way this theme is making me feel and my body. Ugh ihml, need some advice. Has anyone experienced exactly this??
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
Does anyone else here daydream maladaptively? Well, I do a lot and my OCD has latched onto that as “proof” that my fear is real due to do contents of my daydreams. To preface I’m 14 and most of my daydreams consist of boys that I like so like 85% of my day is just me daydreaming about these boys in a fantasy world that I built in my head for them. The thing is I have ADHD and I’m super hyperactive and I require a lot of movement to engage in my daydreams (and with engaging in anything in general tbh) so I’m always just randomly walking/running around the house daydreaming. Anyway sometimes I’ll make the same faces my character makes in the daydream and also do like hand movements they do. And I’ve been ruminating about this for months because I’m like “does that count as imagining myself as a boy?” due to the fact that most of the characters in my daydreaming world are male and I panic. I would never imagine myself as a boy in that sense because it makes me uncomfortable, like ever since I got this theme, whenever I walk by a mirror I get these intrusive images of the boy I like starring back at me in the mirror and I get super uncomfortable. It’s like a punch in the gut. I don’t want to look like those boys at all and I know that if I was one of them I would hate my appearance and hate looking in the mirror, no matter how attractive they are. Or when I’m doing something my OCD will imagine ME doing it as a boy like in first person and with the intent of me being a boy and that also really triggers me because that’s not what I want and it makes me real uncomfortable. What I DO want is to daydream about boys, but not about being a boy. But isn’t that what I’ve been doing this whole time without realizing? Like I’m so wrapped in my daydreams that when I’m doing anything I go “Hm I wonder what [my crush] would do in this situation” and imagine him doing it but in a completely different setting and with some changes to the activity added. That really scares me because I go “what if that means I’m a boy” and I get really distressed because I don’t wanna be a boy. I don’t view any of the boys on my daydream as me at all and like, I don’t daydream with the intent to be a boy because that’s the least of my desires, all I do is want to think about boys because boys are cute ofc and I like them. But I’m still really scared. Is my OCD possibly twisting things or am I in denial? :(
- Date posted
- 18w
I wouldn’t really say I have SO-OCD, but it manifests in some areas of my TOCD. Like if I see a woman for example my thoughts will go “what if I like her but as a man?” like my thoughts say I’m a straight man instead of a straight woman. And it’s really bothering me. If I see an attractive woman my brain will re-wire and imagine myself as a man looking at an attraction woman and it gets super uncomfortable that I have to like shake my head and say “no no no no no” multiple times to get the thought out. I know that counts as a compulsion but it’s hard to not do it because it’s so triggering. Now I don’t mind if I like women, however I’m really scared that I’m actually a straight man who likes women (or at least a bisexual man, considering I like men) and I hate it because I don’t want to be a man. Like I’ll think of my desired relationship as a woman dating a man but my OCD will switch it up to me being the man dating the woman, which is the opposite of what I want. I don’t want to be a man at all and I don’t want to date a woman, both of those are the opposite of my desires, but I’m still so scared. I’ll accept myself if I actually like women and am a bisexual woman, however I heard that being bisexual can mean being trans which scares me (for the record it was said in reddit by a sub which is mainly focused on a pseudoscientific phenomenon, that is still believed by the members to be true, so it’s definitely not a trustworthy statement, but my OCD will use anything to work against me) Does anyone here relate a little? 🥲
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