- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Also like my brain keeps telling me that I want a penis but I don’t want one . It’s uncomfortable and can’t imagine myself with one and I cross my legs because it feels gross . And every time I look at a man my brain keeps telling me that I want to be the man but I don’t want to :( I don’t want to at all . But idk if I want to be the girl either (?) idk who tf I am anymore . I can’t look at myself in the mirror or comfortably shower and I can’t look at photos from before since idk who I am :( but I don’t want to be a man but it’s in my head and I feel like I’m in denial bc of the feeling. Please anyone with TOCD lmk your experiences cause it’s uncomfortable. Like I said my brain is making me feel like I’m already a man but it’s uncomfortable and I don’t want to . I feel like it’s got to be body dysmorphic . I can’t tell anyone these feelings cause I don’t want them to think wrong.
- Date posted
- 3y
when i went through tocd - which i still sometimes do - i felt exactly like this. you’re not alone! 💛 and take tarot with a pinch of salt
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you! I’m not looking for reassurance but I feel like I’m going insane :(
- Date posted
- 3y
@aprilmava i wish i had advice to give but honestly, i just move on to new themes, forget tocd, and then it comes back. i think we could both benefit from maybe exposing ourselves to the possibility more. like unconditional acceptance.
- Date posted
- 3y
@garden I do that too! It switched from theme to theme but it still there . Thanks anyways ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y
A lot of this is very similar to my experience. I keep getting intrusive thoughts that a lot of my social / mental problems over the years have been because I am "really" a latent, closeted trans woman. Like if I imagine myself with a vulva instead of a penis, I don't want that, but then I get a thought like "that's just you in denial" or "you can be a trans woman and keep your penis." Sometimes it'll be a little thing -- I'll just see my first name and think that maybe I should change it to a feminine name; someone calls me Sir/Mister and I think "I am fooling them," etc. It's rough stuff! I just try to do ERP regularly and not engage with the thoughts.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
This is so extremely difficult, i’ve never experienced having thoughts of being a different gender. i’ve always been comfortable being a girl. i’ve always been a girly girl. this all started a couple months ago and it’s increasingly getting worse. i’ve had times where i didn’t like my body but i always thought i could just go to the gym and fix it, never did i think i wanted to be a man. ever since these thoughts started i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate looking at my body, i’m aware of my breasts all day everyday, i can’t look at pictures/ videos of myself. from the moment i wake up to the second i go to sleep i have these thoughts. i’m in a panic EVERYDAY. i don’t want to be trans but my thoughts are convincing me i do. i’ve never bat an eye when someone calls me a girl but now it’s like i’m aware of it which i hate. i hate that i’m having these thoughts & it’s convincing me that i want them & that i have to just come out and change. i want to be able to go back to being comfortable as a girl. this has left me feeling so hopeless and depressed, i can’t help but cry every day. has anyone else felt like their whole world was turned upside down?
- Date posted
- 16w
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
- Date posted
- 7w
2 nights ago I saw something on my phone and it has now spiraled into me scared of being trans or being gay because i don’t want to be… now i have a huge fear of what if i am gay and am attracted to woman or what if im not comfortable in my body and want to turn into a man. It’s freaking me out - my ocd always makes me question my character! Has anyone experienced this 😩
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