So this is for people with HOCD. I used to struggle with it really bad. But it faded away. Every now and then it pops up. Is it possible to have slight bi tendacies and still be straight? I'm a 31 yr old married woman. I love men more than anything. I consider myself straight but I think women are beautiful and I do get turned on by straight porn, but I tend to watch the woman more than the man. Yet, I don't have a desire to be with a woman in any way to the best of my knowledge. Does this make me bi?

I’m an HOCD sufferer and this is something that I worry about/think about. From what Ive learned in classes and research, sexuality is not always a rigid thing and can be fluid. One of my profs is a leader in sexuality research and one of her studies showed that women are more likely to get turned on by anything sexual, regardless of whether it’s same sex, opposite sex, or even animal planet (weird I know), and there is a lot of similar research and articles. Basically sexuality is confusing and I know a lot of people who have that curiosity (especially since there is a lot more exposure in popular culture to same sex relationships) but it doesn’t mean they will or will not act on it. I remember a few years ago when it seemed like literally every straight girl was obsessed with Ruby Rose (an androgynous woman), but they still identified as straight. Alfred Kinsey’s research is also super interesting regarding the spectrum of sexuality if you want to search it! (Also I know this all sounds like I’m content with everything i’m saying but I still really struggle accepting the uncertainty that comes with HOCD/not having a definite answer of my sexuality. But this definitely serves as a reminder that no one really knows, and majority of people experience the same questions and feelings. The best part is that we get to define it ourselves:))

There are women who are a little attracted to women and mostly attracted to men who identify as bi, and others who identify as straight. It’s up to you! As people have said, sexuality is fluid and complex. Also it’s not bad to be bi, it doesn’t mean you don’t love men.

@ranchdoritod86- i am close to your age and have been afraid of being gay from even before I was a teenager. I always use to think it had to do with my sexual experimentation with a friend that lasted very long but not sure. I’ve carried this fear on and off since then. I finally couldn’t handle it anymore and so I decided to date a girl a couple years ago after only dating men prior. What I realized was the same that sexuality is on a spectrum and that i could also enjoy a relationship with a woman. During the end of that relationship I remember thinking I just want to find a good man. Crazy enough I found one shortly after her and I broke up. I was sooo excited and felt beyond blessed that he was everything I ever wanted in a man. So compatible super attractive amazing heart and so forth. Soon after I felt the joy of this my thoughts started to come back. “If your gay you can’t be with him” the looking at Every woman to see if I was attracted starting back up. Now the thought that causes me anxiety is “ i want a woman” or something along those lines. It’s so upsetting and makes me question EVERYTHING. Now I’m worried that maybe I didn’t give enough girls a try! I’m supposed to be moving out this summer and continue therapy there but i am so done fighting this. I’m not happy and I feel exhausted from thinking all day.

Thanks for the reply :) hang in there. I don't know how long you've struggled with it. But I'm here to tell you that it does get better. I'm living proof of that.

I developed it when I was 16. It morphed into ROCD. I also struggle with scrupolosity. Are you in therapy? I couldn't afford an ocd therapist but I've done a few ocd workbooks that have helped.

I just looked up the mood smith course. I'm so glad that there are tools out there and resources for everyone with these issues. I've been there. I'm 31 now and happily married. You can overcome this. And you are not alone. We are all here for you on this forum :)

I'm so glad that I'm able to help :) So many people struggle with this. I think knowing that you aren't alone really helps. You are stronger than you think. I'm headed to bed :)

Thanks m.a.d. for your reply. I also think that sexuality is on a spectrum. And it's completely normal :)

@gonzalmc I don't think you're gay if you just want to find a man. I shouldn't give you reassurance but that's what I think. Here's my sexuality in a nutshell. I love men more than anything. I'm attracted to them sexually, romantically and emotionally. I crave sex with a man and to be settled down with a man. But I do get turned a little when I see the girl in porn. Does that mean I'm attracted to women too? I feel I can't call myself bisexual because I don't have a desire to date a woman or even be with one sexually. Like, I never imagine myself with one. When I fantasize I picture a man and woman together. I also love to look at thick curvy women. I admire their beauty. What do you think?