An ocd vent because I think this could help some people.
Just some backstory on me. A year ago today I was doing like, over 20 compulsions a day. Probably more. The temporary relief was great don’t get me wrong, but the key word is temporary. It quickly went away. It kept me trapped in the loop that has repeated until recently. The past week, I’ve stopped doing the compulsions that I know keep me trapped. It’s really hard and painful, and I’m sure you’re all familiar with how that feels. The racing heart rate, the heating up, the wave of anxiety, feeling like everything’s crashing down. I know. But just like that relief compulsions give you, that anxiety is also temporary. In the moment it feels like it’ll last forever, but shortly after you’ll realize that’s just another one of ocd’s lies. I realize I’m making this sound easy, but it’s not. I have moments of doubt constantly that I’m sure you all experience (guess that’s why they call it the “doubting disease”). The thoughts like “this isn’t even ocd and these compulsions are just necessary precautions”. Those thoughts terrify me, but I’m learning to see through them. Obviously, I still do some compulsions. Progress is not linear. We have moments of defeat. But remember, ocd doesnt stop, you guys. It won’t just end. We have no control over that. You won’t wake up one morning and never have a scary thought again. What does stop, and what you can control stopping, is your compulsions. Think about it: every bit of anxiety and dread you feel today is because of compulsions you’ve done in the past. The confessing, the checking, the ruminating, all of it. That’s what made the thoughts feel real and worth spending time on. It’s not your fault, though. Remember that. This is an illness. But I’m here to tell you that you can do it. You can sit with the anxiety. You can. I promise. People want to help you. Don’t give into what ocd wants, because when has ocd ever tried to help you?
Hope this helps. I’m still a teen and still learning, but after a year and a half of dealing with this monster I hope my insight gives at least one of you a new mindset.