Sorry if this is long, but I would really appreciate if someone responded Does anyone else’s OCD get a lot worse after arguing with their parents or just a loved one in general? I always end up feeling worse, tonight I got really angry at my mom because we went to go see Spider-Man No Way Home, because I wanted to see it again but with my mom. My older brother who’s passed loved Spider-Man and she cried a couple times throughout the movie because she was remembering him, and I held her hand and was just trying to make her feel better. But throughout the movie she would send messages to her friends and use her phone a bit. I kept telling her to put it away but she didn’t. After the movie ended she just went on her phone and wouldn’t answer me when I asked her a question. She told me I was being annoying and all that. I got really mad because even before this, I was just trying to show her some of the Spider-Man movies to run her up on what was happening and she just kept complaining saying that she didn’t want to and all that. I know it sounds really stupid, but I got angry because my brother loved these movies and they’re basically all I have now in terms of things I actually look forward too die to my OCD ruining every part of my life, and I suppose not having my brother in my life anymore makes it a lot more difficult, I just wanted her to see it so that maybe she could feel more connected to passions my brother had and I suppose also have someone to talk to about this stuff, but she got me really upset when she really seemed not to care about any of that, so I snapped and told her it was stupid to think she’d actually care about any of that, that I just wanted her to remember my brother in a better way, and I was stupid to think otherwise, and that I won’t waste her time on that anymore. We haven’t talked all night and now I’m the only one awake and I feel horrible. I know it was a stupid reason to get angry at, but I guess it just more of her never being interested in what I enjoy and never feeling like she actually cares to get to know me, she’s really dismissive whenever I want to bond more or talk, I just feel that she doesn’t like me or that I’m just a nuisance. My OCD keeps bringing up all my themes and intrusive thoughts and I feel hopeless, I feel like garbage and when I feel this way. My POCD, Real Event, and False Memory always attack me the most when I feel like this, I was really thinking about cutting myself tonight. I never make anyone happy and I don’t bring value anywhere in life, all I do is hurt people.

This isn’t OCD related so I’m sorry, but I don’t know another platform like this where I can talk to other people and actually get responses. OCD has been a huge fucking setback for me in life. I had to drop classes, wasn’t able to do things, and just felt so shitty all the time because of it. I feel like I blame OCD for everything I’m not. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. Just today I saw someone I once knew and felt all of those feelings I used to have that made me miserable. Anyways, I tried taking my driver’s test a couple days ago but I wasn’t able to. The DMV only accepted cash. I felt upset but it was whatever. I’m almost 19, and I don’t have a driver’s license. So passing it would mean a lot to me. I compare myself to others my age; they have cars, hobbies, friends, go to college, etc… I don’t have any of that. Maybe comparing myself and all of that is my fault. My family says it’s my fault I’m sad because I just wallow in it. Hearing them say that makes me frustrated and hurt, but maybe they’re right. My mom texted a couple of my siblings in a group chat I wasn’t a part of, “He wants to wallow and be depressed. And woe is me, wah wah wah.” That made me really angry because my siblings were agreeing with her. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am selfish and think the world revolves around me. My sister tells me I need to advocate for myself more, I just don’t want to be a burden. I’ve only been a burden my whole life. My OCD created this whole issue in my family and I hate that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want an answer. Am I really a loser? Do I really wallow in it? Am I not trying like my family says? I just want to talk to someone.

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

I had like a really bad argument with my mom basically about her complaining about my “attitude” and “constant arrogance” like okay firstly 😭 yes i do have an attitude and am irritable but im not THAT bad 😭🙏 she was saying that im a “pest” and that “its not enjoyable to live with someone who makes other people miserable” like 😅🧍‍♀️ oh ☺️ and then i tell her that i know im struggling and that im going to therapy to try to get better and trying to possibly get a diagnosis and she says “your generation just wants something to deal with. You want something to be wrong with you. ‘Trying to get better’ isn’t good enough… would you be able to stand someone like yourself? You’re just choosing this antisocial, narcissistic behaviour and harass everyone… You need to pull yourself together. No matter how much effort we put into you, you will never be happy. You want some medicine? Some diagnosis? Because that will solve everything?” 😭😭😭 and the way she said “some medication”- she sounded so disgusted and appalled and now i feel ashamed… i mean im not officially diagnosed with ocd and it is never my intention to self diagnose- but im sorry its VERY obvious when you have ocd and know of ocd- its so distinct. Everything- the compulsions, reassurance, intrusive thoughts, themes, patterns, perfectionism- but she has me overthinking- what if i dont have ocd 😭 and ive just been lying to myself and everyone maybe its not ocd and im just sick in the head or trying to self sabotage- and especially when my supposed ocd is calm or not as loud i get so anxious “what if i dont have ocd…”