Not ocd related but I really to someone to talk to. I’m currently sitting in a urgent care parking lot waiting to be tested again for Covid because a couple days ago I tested negative but now my symptoms are worse and I can’t smell anything. I tried smelling bleach! Couldn’t smell it at all. Tried smelling perfume, chapstick, air freshener….nothing. Just very very subtle but I can tell I’ve lost my sense of smell. I feel kind of congested, tired, cough, headache, and the other day I had nausea but it’s possible maybe I tested too early because I was exposed to someone who has covid last Wednesday and I tested Sunday and I think it takes 5 to 6 days for it to show up. That or since I took a rapid and heard today it only has a 70% chance of accuracy than it could of been a false negative but I don’t know. I’m sitting in my car crying because of not only Covid but other things going on like losing a friend to drama and OCD being worse than ever, I just can’t help but feel anxious and scared. I’m scared of what if I exposed people especially my family like my grandma or my mom who I live with. They are both vaccinated but still the thought of something happening to them because of me not being careful enough terrifies me. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. My little niece is visiting for a week and I’m worried that she’s gonna have to quarantine and what if I exposed her to Covid and then she gives it to my grandma or my mom for being around them too. Everything’s a mess and I feel like no one especially my mom gets it because she keeps telling me I have nothing to panic over but she doesn’t understand the fear. She’s mad at me because I wasn’t careful enough with masks and stuff and I just know I’m going to get blamed because that’s what my mom does. She takes anything about me and twists it to benefit herself. I just hope that everything will be ok.

If you want to talk more, maybe over email or something, I'd like to :)

@hello262936 Thank you I appreciate it. I actually just got home from sitting at Urgent care for almost 4 hours and tested positive for Covid and I’m not isolated from my family our pets everyone and I’m so upset because yes I want them to stay as far from me as possible to make sure they don’t get it but I don’t want to be away from my family for 10 days either. Then of course my moms calling everyone and telling everyone about me and saying that’s she’s worried now if she’s got Covid because I could of exposed her and I feel so bad. It’s also making me think that is this all happening to me because I deserve it because of my themes telling me I’m a bad person and that I deserve the worst I don’t know but I don’t feel good physically at all but I have a feeling this is definitely going to affect me more mentally

@Just Breathe ❤️ I'm sorry you're struggling with the idea of being isolated from everyone for so long, especially when you are sick and your OCD is bothering you so much :( I imagine it must be hard to inform the people you've met, too. It's good that your mother is doing it (so that they know) but it seems to me unfair that she is so angry with you; I can tell you did not in any way want this to happen. No one does. I don't completely know the situation but since you worry so much about having exposed your family I can tell you care very much about them, and you didn't mean for this to happen. OCD is very good at making us believe we deserve the worst. I've spent so much time feeling as if I am below everyone else, somehow, because my OCD tells me so. And OCD attacks anything we care about. I can imagine your themes mixing with your fear of making your family sick is like food for the OCD. I don't know if this is helpful at all, but just know I relate so much, both about covid, and feeling like the worst human on the planet. And I know how it feels to be so scared that it feels like you'll always be, that this is your life now, but it will pass. When I'm at my worst, that's extremely hard to believe. It also feels impossible that someone else has experienced the same thing, but then, when it gets easier, it's as if a fog has cleared away, and suddenly I recognize it as OCD again. Everything feels easier eventually, if you just hang on. I hope you feel better soon, and I hope it gets better ❤

@hello262936 Thank you I appreciate it and thank you for understanding