18+ Please I’ve posted about this before, but I really need advice or someone who has been in the same place. Earlier in 2021 when I was 18 I downloaded dating apps at first just to have fun, see how many matches or people who were interested, but then not long after it turned into a thing of sending a lot of nudes with people. I always asked before hand if they were interested or not and all that, and I was messaging people who were a lot older than me or just older I’m general, but I also messaged people my age like 18-20. I’ve done a lot I’m not proud of, I was in a really dark place and just liked the attention I guess. It’s no excuse though, I was being gross and irresponsible. The last person I exchanged nudes with was an older guy like late 20’s. We talked a bit and he asked me if it was weird he liked younger guys and I just told him “It depends how young ig” and he asked me if I would ever do anything with someone younger and I told him “I’m 18, so no”. But then I was already uncomfortable, but he asked me would with an attractive 15 year old, I blocked him right after that, he was so creepy, he was the last person I messaged or sent nudes to. That was before I turned 19. I hate my past behaviors and now I see how stupid it is to exchange nudes with strangers, I just thought I was having fun. Now my POCD is through the roof, I started getting thoughts of “what if someone lied about their age” and all that, at first I felt confident that no one did, but now after months of ruminating, I’m terrified. I don’t know, I’ve talked to my therapist from school says it wouldn’t be my fault. But I’m terrified all the time, I’m scared that I wasn’t safe enough, I’m an idiot. I have genuine thoughts of unaliving myself or calling the police on myself. My friends say it’s common for people to share nudes on those kinds of apps, but I’m still horrified. I don’t even know anymore. I’m scared I forgot an interaction or that I’m suppressing something, but I don’t think I am, I remember a lot of the encounters I’ve had. I hate myself so much, I know this is long, but please, I need someone to reply, I feel completely alone right now.

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... Dr disrespect was accused of inappropriately messaging and sending explicit images to a minor, and trying to meet up with them at twitchcon... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless... I dont ever want to ever be a monster...

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This actor was accused of grooming, giving and receiving explicit videos of underage women, and harassing women... my POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ explicit HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including the minors, when I was 19, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them in private (including the minors) about my 18+ explicit HOCD struggles... one was uncomfortable by it so i stopped venting to her after she told me she was uncomfortable by it twice... the other gave me reassurance so i kept asking her for reassurance for my 18+ hocd struggles... I dont have any feelings towards minors in any way... the most i ever did was ask the 17 year old "what you bouta do about it 😂😂" when she told me to stop putting myself down when i was 19... i didnt pursue anything with her because of my age... im 23 now... i dont ever want to ever be with minors in any way...I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way... i dont ever want to EVER be a MAP, a P, or a gro*mer in any way... I dont ever want to be what my pocd says about me... im so scared... plus now its saying that I called the second minor "cute" when i have no recollection of ever doing so... im also scared that I will get cancelled or being misunderstood because of this... someone said that I need help, that I need to turn myself in, and that im hiding behind a diagnosis because of this situation... i genuinely feel so hopeless...

So one day a couple months ago I saw some posts on threads pop up on instagram and they said I’m 17 and horny and 18 and horny or I think I even remember see a 16 year old one. I’m 20 and I remembered that when those popped up I clicked on them and I don’t know if I did it out of true attraction or out of the urge to make my anxiety go away. I feel like often times if I see something that says any number under 18 even if it has nothing to do with age it could be talking about season 17 of a tv show my mind immediately goes what?? 17??? And then I click on it to make my anxiety go away. So when I remembered all of this I downloaded the threads app because I wanted to see if I could get reassurance and see if I could rekindle how I felt in these moments. When I opened the app all I saw was posts like that but everyone claimed to be 18. The only problem is none of the girls looked 18 they looked like 14-16 so I started to panic I and worry that because I clicked on the threads in the past it popped up more and I was a pedophile for that. All of the accounts all pretty much had only fans links so at that point I was like well they have to be 18 then but now I’m worried that maybe it’s a scammer and they are using underage pictures of girls and putting them on onlyfans. Which I know is out of my control but I just feel like a Pedo and like I did something wrong. Does anyone have any advice? Or have any similar situations/ similarities with this?