18+ Please I’ve posted about this before, but I really need advice or someone who has been in the same place. Earlier in 2021 when I was 18 I downloaded dating apps at first just to have fun, see how many matches or people who were interested, but then not long after it turned into a thing of sending a lot of nudes with people. I always asked before hand if they were interested or not and all that, and I was messaging people who were a lot older than me or just older I’m general, but I also messaged people my age like 18-20. I’ve done a lot I’m not proud of, I was in a really dark place and just liked the attention I guess. It’s no excuse though, I was being gross and irresponsible. The last person I exchanged nudes with was an older guy like late 20’s. We talked a bit and he asked me if it was weird he liked younger guys and I just told him “It depends how young ig” and he asked me if I would ever do anything with someone younger and I told him “I’m 18, so no”. But then I was already uncomfortable, but he asked me would with an attractive 15 year old, I blocked him right after that, he was so creepy, he was the last person I messaged or sent nudes to. That was before I turned 19. I hate my past behaviors and now I see how stupid it is to exchange nudes with strangers, I just thought I was having fun. Now my POCD is through the roof, I started getting thoughts of “what if someone lied about their age” and all that, at first I felt confident that no one did, but now after months of ruminating, I’m terrified. I don’t know, I’ve talked to my therapist from school says it wouldn’t be my fault. But I’m terrified all the time, I’m scared that I wasn’t safe enough, I’m an idiot. I have genuine thoughts of unaliving myself or calling the police on myself. My friends say it’s common for people to share nudes on those kinds of apps, but I’m still horrified. I don’t even know anymore. I’m scared I forgot an interaction or that I’m suppressing something, but I don’t think I am, I remember a lot of the encounters I’ve had. I hate myself so much, I know this is long, but please, I need someone to reply, I feel completely alone right now.

bluesapphire

Date posted: 3y

I red your bio, honestly, you sound like a really nice person who doesn't deserve to feel that way about yourself.. You yourself sayed that we all make mistakes and we'll continue to make them for the rest of our lives. And it's completely okay. We're humans after all. From someone of think i have rocd (I'm not diagnosed) I feel you. I feel you for feeling that way about yourself, about hating yourself. But we don't deserve to feel that way. We didn't kill or rape and we should be able to move on and become a better person. It's okay to regret things you did in the past but it's the past my friend... you just to keep going (easy to say i know) I hope you'll feel better soon❤ remember, you're a human and you deserve to love yourself ❤

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

Thank you, this helps. I would never want to hurt anyone, my school therapist said that’s probably why my OCD has latched onto this so much, but I still get really scared. I suppose I just have to leave it in the past and try to move on, thank you for responding, your comment was really kind, I hope all is well for you

bluesapphire

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver Maybe they are right but you have to remember that you'll probably will hurt someone even if you didn't mean too because people are complicated and it's okay It doesn't make a bad person and I'm sure no matter what you did in the past that you're a good person. You welcome ❤ honestly, could be better, I'm pretty anxious recently.

Nica

Date posted: 3y

You have e to stop seeking reassurance. What’s done is done and you didn’t do it maliciously, so that has to be the end of it.

OCDHaver

Date posted: 3y

I’m sorry, I know you mean well commenting this, but this really triggered me, kind of panicked. I know I need to stop asking for reassurance, but it’s incredibly difficult when constantly think about unaliving myslelf or calling the police on myself just because I’m scared it might have happened

bluesapphire

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver I understand what you mean but I think nice meant that it won't solve the problem of this thoughts. It could get worse with seeking reassurance and you need to go to therapy and learning how to deal with it and get better. It doesn't mean of course that you can't talk to people now, of course not, I'm so sorry you feel that way :^( I'm here if you need to talk

Nica

Date posted: 3y

@OCDHaver You have two choices: continue to torture yourself over something that cannot be fixed or changed because it’s in the past OR you learn from what happened and refuse to let your OCD take over by working on not seeking reassurance and letting it be.

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