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Rainbow sky!!

Date posted: 3y

I never wanted to die I have 4 kids I’ve always found happiness in stuff but I new ppl thought the only way to stop there suffering was to die and now I’m at the point we’re I can understand that more I’m here begging for help wanting to get on medication and do exposure and response therapy I want to feel peace in my mind I live amongst ppl who are normal but I can’t think like them I want to no wat it’s like to not have ocd but I can’t get help I can get ssi and be disabled but can’t get the proper care cause nowere takes my insurance ppl keep telling me places but I’ve called them nowere in Tennessee can help me I also have depression and anxiety I’m also on suboxene a few years ago I admitted myself and they discharged me in 3 days told me they didn’t have the resources to help me and gave me a referral to an ocd place in Chicago but they denied me cause of my insurance they gave me klonopins in the hospital which changed my life it was the first time I had been prescribed an anxiety medication that helped me feel better in that instant cause I was so upset bout them touching my stuff and the amount of clothes they were telling me I could bring and that I couldn’t bring qtips and all those things are apart of my dressing rituals so I literally felt like I was dieing they gave me klonopins which helped me relax more sent me home wit a prescription the doctors made it so hard for me to get my medicine I had just been threw so much I just wanted my medicine but that just aggravated me I was tired of not being treated I was tired of being denied proper care I was tired of going every month to get medicine that I need to take the rest of my life I was tired of being treated like a drug addict for klonopins so I got on drugs I started takeing pain medication it numbed me to were I was relaxed and wasn’t worrying as much but then I got to were I needed the drugs I had no money everything sucked I got on suboxene but now that’s 1 more thing I have an issue wit this shouldn’t be this hard to get help and to get the medication I need I’m so tired of jumping threw hoops for help everything is so difficult you gotta call a million times explain everything all the time deal wit medications and pharmacy’s and just so much bullshit like just give me the help I need so I can be more normal so I can work so I can support myself so I can have a better life and better quality of life and give me peace in my brain this is the reason death is the only way to make it stop forever that’s wat I want is to make it stop forever no more pain and suffering to just live a normal life I want peace forever and rite now there only 1 way of getting that and that’s not being here anymore.

JasGee

Date posted: 3y

I'm feeling for you. This not easy at all. Are you safe right now?

oneday🤍

Date posted: 3y

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. You’re one strong mom. I agree, it’s so frustrating to not be able to get the help that you need. There should be no reason that a facility can’t take you because of your insurance, I think it’s bulls*** especially when you’re suffering so much. I really hope that you find a place to get the help that you need. Sending you hugs.

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

I sometimes get a superstitious feeling that if I get cancer or something then my kid won't... I know it's stupid. I think its my brain trying to cope with the anxiety of dying and leaving my kid behind. I think there should be a support group for ocd parents or parental ocd because this is definitely a unique thing and I don't think non parents can even begin to understand the level of anxiety it can cause.

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