My rocd is getting worse. My anxiety is sky high and the ringing in my ears won't stop. My partner who is the focus of my obsession says that she doesn't care if I have ocd and feels that I'm attacking her integrity and character. I sometimes would rather be in a coma than be awake for this feeling.

I think its unfair for your partner to invalidate your ocd and fear, maybe if you feel you can't explain it or she won't listen try finding websites or people who have the same and show her so that she sees its not personal and is part of your illness, my partner is the sweetest and wouldnt hurt a fly yet i still have rocd and he is my focus

I understand. My partner has stuck by me through some really rough times and for a year was extremely patient with me (before I had a diagnosis) but it really hurts him to be repeatedly accused and questioned. And he says the same thing bc he is a person of integrity. He’s tired and sometimes hopeless bc all he wants is progress in our relationship. He understands what is going on but at a certain point, all he can feel is his pain which is understandable bc sometimes it’s constant. I can be very hurtful. I relate to you too. It feels horrible like torture. I hope you’re seeing a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP. If not I hope you are able to.

Does your therapist specializes in ERP? I ask because I’ve done my fair share of talk therapy. My current therapist hit the ground running with me. I had homework from the start and always have homework. Unlike talk therapy it’s very targeted and goal based. I’ve only been on one med for my OCD, Luvox on a low dose and it’s been very helpful for me. When I’m suffering, yes, I want my bf to be more empathetic but when I’m doing well, I take ownership of it. I understand I’ve done some damage and we’re just trying to heal so I talk to my sister and I talk to my support group. It won’t always be like this bc he’s a very caring person but I really have to work on not hurting him and giving him time to heal.