I read this thing online about how relationships we have with people are based on our childhood experiences and people are their to teach us things about our inner selves but that sometimes we don’t need that lesson anymore or it’s served and the people outgrow the relationship . I’m worried now that I will outgrow my relationship when I don’t want to I want us to stay together . Like I can see people who are married and they now seem miserable together , my boyfriend and I are talking g about mariage and he is from a different culture , he tells me he worries about me not enjoying his culture as he wants to move back to his home country and I would be expected to move back too , he says in his culture people marry for life and it is different to the UK. For someone who suffers with ROCD anyway , this pressure feels unbearable I’m unable to process everything that’s going on but I do know that I want things to work out between us . Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent and write it out .

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

Like while he is focusing on all the practical aspects of why it will be difficult for us he doesn’t understand that I’m juggling this and also ROCD thoughts telling me ‘what if I don’t love him as I find other people attractive ‘etc like it’s not his fault at all, but I feel like this makes my ROCD flare up even more than usual and for a good cause as most people would be stressed about getting married and moving countries for life

MileHighAnxiety

Date posted: 3y

Is your partner aware of your OCD or of any of these thoughts? I think that if my fiancée and I were holding these kinds of thoughts inside I would be *devastated* to later learn I held her captive. I hope that makes sense. I’m no relationship expert but I really do believe in open and honest communication, especially about big plans, big future moves, and really.. everything. So if he doesn’t know this is going on, how can you both work through it and navigate it together?? You can’t. I suggest laying it all out. Providing resources about OCD and ROCD, specifically, so maybe he’ll understand what’s going on and won’t immediately feel “it’s him”. Xo

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

He knows I have ocd but I haven’t gone into all of the thoughts specifically , however since doing ERP a lot of the intrusive thoughts I was having about attraction etc have died down , I’m just worrying like what if it isn’t ocd ? And I really don’t want to hurt him he means a lot to me like I love him a lot ! Like marriage is a massive commitment and especially as he is Muslim it is a big deal . But because he worries that I may not adjust to the culture and the lifestyle he is saying that he doesn’t want me to get too attatched in case something wasn’t to work out but my issue is I can’t invision a permanent future with someone unless I am attatched , for me this is a value I hold strongly is to have a strong connection to the person you marry and so I’m stuck?

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@Tillyyyx I guess I want to make sure I have ocd more than ever because if we are to plan to move countries and get married than I need to know it’s the right decision . Difficult when ROCD makes you doubt every single thing - and doubt that you have even have it ?? Ahh

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