I have some real events I can’t let go of… and I just can’t move on from them. (Sex related OCD) The first time I drank, I tried to kiss my best friend at the time. I was touchy, and I was feely. In ways I shouldn’t have been. I think at the time I believed she was reciprocating, that or I hoped she was. She told me to stop and I jumped up and stopped right away. Sobered me up real fast. We stopped talking for a year and reconnected again this year, and are now friends again. She forgave me told me it was all in the past and we’ve been good. But I still feel horrible about it, I feel I SA-d her and I deserve to die for it. Something simillar happened recently, with one of my friends who I can’t figure out if I like or not. I told her “I loved her a lot” a few months ago under the same conditions. She said it was overwhelming and everything. We don’t talk about it and are still best friends. She makes jokes sometimes “that I love her a little too much” which make me feel horrible, because I feel so sick about what happened. I feel I repeated history and I definitely need to die for this.

Thank you :’) drunken mistakes will forever haunt me. I’ve decided to limit what I drink from now on, especially because it just causes me too much stress. But thank you for reading my message and responding :’) it means more than you can imagine

@unknown Alcohol sometimes gives you the courage to do things or say things you wouldn’t have done being sober. I stopped drinking altogether because of that experience. I was 21 at the time, and had just started drinking.. so not that it’s an excuse but it definitely wouldn’t have happened had I been sober. It’s okay! I’ve struggle with this thought for on and off about a year now. For how long have you been struggling with this for??

@Anonymous No I definitely wouldn’t have done any of it either. I mean sober I think about being with her, but I wouldn’t act like that. Um well the first one was over a year ago, so I’ve been struggling on and off with that for a year. The other one was in November and it’s been very consistent. It makes it hard to be around her sometimes. :(

I was pretty young actually :( 17 I’m 18 now!

I would love that! What socials do u have?

It’s so nice talking to someone who’s been through the same thing :’) thank u so so much

@unknown I don’t have social media :( but we can just chat here! I was 21 when this happened, but I started feeling so horrible about right afterward (I kind of ended up tugging it under the rug) and then felt SO bad about it again when I was 25! Also remember, our brains don’t fully develop until we turn 25 meaning we act on impulse before that.

@Anonymous Haha that’s so true I’m happy chatting here that’s perfect!!!! Yes things kind of pop up. I usually don’t react to my themes until I remember them months after and I freak out :(( it didn’t hit me till a few weeks after.

Ya frr :( yesterday I was having such a bad day sadly

Hey how r u doing today? Thought I’d check in since we haven’t spoken in a few days :)

@unknown I’m hanging in here! Just trying to really let the thoughts come and go. Have therapy tomorrow and then another therapy session next week. How are you feeling?

@Anonymous Ah that’s awesome!! I’m so happy for u! I’ve been doing pretty well this week :) I’ve been trying to find things to take my mind off of it, and I’ve been doing well w my goal of “not compulsively confessing” my real event! So progress is being made!

@unknown How are you managing your thoughts? Are you doing therapy here at NOCD?

Haha that’s great! Sadly I can’t do therapy at the moment :( so I’m just trying to take care of myself the best that I can. I wish I could see a therapist though

Hey hey! Omygosh, so funny I just thought of you the other day. Do you have discord? Would love to chat with you on there!

@Anonymous Aw really?? I do!! I’ll send my tag

@Anonymous •Ella•#0461

@unknown Added you!

@Anonymous I never got a friend request :(((

@Anonymous Can I try adding u with yours maybe? Mine should be an anime pfp with a girl with black hair and purple glasses

@unknown Coolkats#6150

@Anonymous Just sent a request lmk if u got it