- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Oufff! I have a similar story to you! I once got so drunk with a friend, and we drunk kissed, and I asked her if she wanted to do other things but she said no, and then we both got up and threw up! It was short lived for like a minute. I guess part of me feels bad because I did have a small crush before hand and I feel sometimes horrible knowing that I did that. My friend seemed to have enjoyed it since she said it was like experimental but I felt so bad for it! This happened years ago. I think we have to work on accepting them!
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you :’) drunken mistakes will forever haunt me. I’ve decided to limit what I drink from now on, especially because it just causes me too much stress. But thank you for reading my message and responding :’) it means more than you can imagine
- Date posted
- 3y
@unknown Alcohol sometimes gives you the courage to do things or say things you wouldn’t have done being sober. I stopped drinking altogether because of that experience. I was 21 at the time, and had just started drinking.. so not that it’s an excuse but it definitely wouldn’t have happened had I been sober. It’s okay! I’ve struggle with this thought for on and off about a year now. For how long have you been struggling with this for??
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- 3y
@Anonymous No I definitely wouldn’t have done any of it either. I mean sober I think about being with her, but I wouldn’t act like that. Um well the first one was over a year ago, so I’ve been struggling on and off with that for a year. The other one was in November and it’s been very consistent. It makes it hard to be around her sometimes. :(
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s okay! You aren’t alone in this. I’m same as you! We have a similar story. I guess part of me feels guilty because my friend didn’t know I had a crush on her? You know what I mean? My friend forgave me too, but the hard part of this journey is forgiving ourselves! How old were you when this happened?
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- 3y
I was pretty young actually :( 17 I’m 18 now!
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- 3y
I wonder how maybe we can connect to talk about this! Reading your experience made me feel not so alone.
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- 3y
I would love that! What socials do u have?
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- 3y
It’s so nice talking to someone who’s been through the same thing :’) thank u so so much
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- 3y
@unknown I don’t have social media :( but we can just chat here! I was 21 when this happened, but I started feeling so horrible about right afterward (I kind of ended up tugging it under the rug) and then felt SO bad about it again when I was 25! Also remember, our brains don’t fully develop until we turn 25 meaning we act on impulse before that.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Haha that’s so true I’m happy chatting here that’s perfect!!!! Yes things kind of pop up. I usually don’t react to my themes until I remember them months after and I freak out :(( it didn’t hit me till a few weeks after.
- Date posted
- 3y
Same. It comes and it goes for me. I feel ashamed and guilty and grossed out with myself on some days. It comes and goes.
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- 3y
Ya frr :( yesterday I was having such a bad day sadly
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- 3y
Hey how r u doing today? Thought I’d check in since we haven’t spoken in a few days :)
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- 3y
@unknown I’m hanging in here! Just trying to really let the thoughts come and go. Have therapy tomorrow and then another therapy session next week. How are you feeling?
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- 3y
@Anonymous Ah that’s awesome!! I’m so happy for u! I’ve been doing pretty well this week :) I’ve been trying to find things to take my mind off of it, and I’ve been doing well w my goal of “not compulsively confessing” my real event! So progress is being made!
- Date posted
- 3y
@unknown How are you managing your thoughts? Are you doing therapy here at NOCD?
- Date posted
- 3y
I literally am holding it in right now too. I’m Allowing the thoughts to come in and go.
- Date posted
- 3y
Haha that’s great! Sadly I can’t do therapy at the moment :( so I’m just trying to take care of myself the best that I can. I wish I could see a therapist though
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey I hope you’ve been well, I’ve been having a rough day and reading our old messages have made it a lot better :’)
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- 3y
Hey hey! Omygosh, so funny I just thought of you the other day. Do you have discord? Would love to chat with you on there!
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- 3y
@Anonymous Aw really?? I do!! I’ll send my tag
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- 3y
@Anonymous •Ella•#0461
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- 3y
@unknown Added you!
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- 3y
@Anonymous I never got a friend request :(((
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- 3y
@Anonymous Can I try adding u with yours maybe? Mine should be an anime pfp with a girl with black hair and purple glasses
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- 3y
@unknown Coolkats#6150
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- 3y
@Anonymous Just sent a request lmk if u got it
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
- Harm OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- OCD newbies
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- Date posted
- 21w
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
- Date posted
- 5w
I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone
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