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Ok, so when I was in high school I became very obsessive with love. I didn’t love myself and I found this boy who I wanted to love me. I had myself convinced we would get married. He didn’t even know who I was and I’ll admit, I completely invaded his privacy. I memorized his schedule, I put myself in places I knew he’d be or if I knew he was somewhere I’d go. I truly never meant harm, I just wanted him to love me and I thought that me stalking his life would get me into it and get him to love me. It got to the point where I even stalked other girls I thought he liked and told them that we were a “thing” so that they would stop talking to him even though we were definitely not a thing. I struggle to release the guilt of that overall because I feel so so so awful about it, but I know I never meant harm. Anyways, now that we are no longer together, I have this fear that if he never would’ve given me the attention I desired that I would’ve kept going. I would’ve started to get harmful and that I would’ve gone as far as harming people around him in order to get myself into his life. It makes me feel so awful but I truly do feel like I would’ve kept going and kept myself in his life even if he would’ve gotten a different girlfriend. Idk, I just really struggle because I don’t feel as though this was ocd and that maybe I truthfully am a horrible person who does need serious help because I stalked him so much and obsessed over him and crossed his privacy boundary. I’m so afraid to the extent that I would’ve gone had it not become us dating.

So for context, I've just started seeing someone. He's really handsome, sweet and very respectful. He has ADHD, so he's quite literally all over the place; Impulsive behavior type things. Well, he's starting to get inconsistent with texting and when that's the only communication we use, it becomes a battle for me. He always says he's working, which to be fair, he is, but it didn't stop him in the beginning. Again, I know he has ADHD and no two days are alike, that being said, I notice even the slightest change in texts. It's quite literally a curse. So I over analyze EVERYTHING to point of anger and tears, then I obsess if he even still likes me, if he's slowly phasing me out or ghosting me. Then when he does message me, I feel some sense of relief, but I notice he's not the same as he was before. He's done this to me a couple times, so I'm getting used to it. He told me yesterday he couldn't come see me because he was fixing his car, which he was - he showed a picture and posted them online, too. He's a car enthusiast, so he's always doing crazy things like that. So I woke up with the knowledge that he was working on his car today, only to find out he went to the beach. It felt like a punch to the gut. I tried reasoning with myself that maybe he went with his parents or a friend and he still had to finish working on his car, but then the dark, obsessive thoughts started creeping in and I spent the entire day miserable and over analyzing all of our texts and constantly checking to see if he still follows me on Instagram. I didn't even realize my OCD was this bad. I really just thought it was perfectionism, and it still is, but I'm afraid it's about relationships, too, and I'm concerned that I'll be this way with every man I date, given I actually find one 😔

I started talking to this girl a few weeks ago. At first, everything seemed great, she asked questions, planned a date, even rescheduled when she couldn’t make the first one. Then, out of nowhere, she ghosted me for about eight days. When she came back, she apologized and said she’d been going through a tough time and was scared of going back in the dating world but really liked me and didn’t want me to think I did anything wrong. We started texting again, and it felt like we were back on track. But over the past few days, she’s been inconsistent with long gaps between responses. So last night I basically asked her if she was actually interested in talking or not, to which there wasn’t a quick response so I followed up calling myself dramatic and apologizing. When I woke up there still wasn’t a response and I went into an OCD episode where I thought I had messed everything up and felt the need to overly explain myself with a few more texts even mentioning the OCD because I know how double, triple or however many texts come off. My OCD spiraled, and I ended up sending multiple texts trying to explain myself and apologize, which I now regret. I didn’t say anything mean, the gist was trying to explain myself and apologizing. She hasn’t responded to those messages yet, and I’ve managed to calm my nerves a bit but has anybody had their OCD act up in similar ways? I feel really bad for sending multiple texts but in an OCD episode it felt like I had to in order to calm myself; which I know is irrational. Has anyone been through something similar or have strategies for handling this kind of relationship anxiety and overthinking?