Can anyone with a vagina help? It's my birthday. I went to go to the toilet and my underwar was wet. It soaked through to both sides. And it was the whole area of the underwear. I feel I would have felt if I peed myself..I did need the toilet but I held it in talking to a friend. I just changed my underwear and trousers and got into bed. But I feel so gross. Its my 20th...i wanted to start this decade off right but I just want to cry and have a shower and wash everything. Could it just be discharge? I've googled it and I've seen nothing on discharge like that. I feel so gross. Do I need to wash everything tomorrow morning? I'm having friends over. I don't know what to do... this is only my luck. I wanted to start this birthday off well. But I did compulsions smelling the underwear and feeling my old pajama trousers to see if they got wet.. Why am I so gross ... :(

So earlier I posted this.. "I had socks on and I stood on something kind of hard, and I looked at what it was and I couldn't tell if it was like a tiny piece of poop (from cat) or chocolate or something. I took my socks off obviously but now I'm worried that 1) I should wash my feet and 2) I should change my trousers because they kind of trail on the floor a bit. I just don't know what to do." And I'm still really panicking. Because I've been in my bed – I napped. My trousers and my feet have been in my bed. And I just don't know what the "right" thing to do is. My brain is telling me I need to accept uncertainty. Fine. But then the logical side of my brain is telling me "YOU COULD HAVE POOP ON YOU. LIKE SERIOUSLY COME ON ANYONE WOULD WASH THEIR FEET". I have no idea what to do. I'm so stressed.

Sorry if this is tmi. In advance, I know some germs are fine - I'm all for that, and it definitely does ease some contamination anxiety. But I have lots of anxiety surrounding going to the bathroom, specifically number two. Again I'm so sorry if this is tmi. I went yesterday, and obviously my hands were contaminated because well, they are when you go to the bathroom. But also because I accidentally brushed the back of my hand against myself. When you're done in the bathroom you obviously put underwear back on, and trousers or whatever, but I wash my hands before touching my trousers but not underwear. So I do that bit before I wash my hands, but my hand, the very contaminated part, touched like a bit of my skin at my waist. At the time, I brushed it off, thinking that my trousers will cover that anyway for the time being. But then today, I wore leggings that are kind of small on me and they weren't as high waisted. And then I got in my bed, and had a t-shirt on, and probably touched so many things. I changed my t-shirt, meaning it touched my hair as I took it off. So now I'm paranoid I have poop particles all over me. I'm convinced I need to have a full shower again and wash my hair. I'm okay with having a shower, but I barely have enough energy for that let alone washing my hair too. I don't shower every day, so with my schedule, I'm not due to have one until tonight. I just want to be able to get up, get dressed, and go about my day. But how do I do that when my bed feels contaminated and I feel like I need to change the bedsheets. How do I cope when it feels like poop particles are in my HAIR. And that could totally be possible. I know some germs are fine. But I just don't know what to do.

I'm keeping it light hearted but I really desperately need some help. Just to preface this is very tmi. I thought it was just gonna be a quick bathroom stuff. No! That would be silly of course, so number two decided to screw things up ROYALLY. And please bear with me because I am coping with humour 😭😭. So I went, but sometimes, tmi, I struggle to.... Get it all. Out. If you know what I mean. Which is pretty awful to the point I'm like genuinely praying. Because you can't clean up properly if you're not done. So I'm in the bathroom, trying, for over half an hour. And I finally give up pretty much and try and clean up. Oh no, that was a huge mistake. But what else could I do? It was so messy that I wanted to just get in the shower and be done with it. Onto the things I'm worrying about I guess. On the tp (tmi, I'm WARNING 😭😭) it was.... Messy, and there were very loose specks on the tp. Which is an issue, because I used wet wipes which needs to be binned and not flushed, so I have to carry the tp-wipe combo over to the bin, which means carrying it over where my legs are, and thus where my clothes also are. I hate it. I'm now paranoid specks fell into my underwear! Great! Love it. I'm also paranoid specks or just #2 in general went on my hand. And, believe me, with the state of things, it was POSSIBLE. So when I'm finally done and wash my hands, of course that isn't going to feel like enough. I have really short nails, so short they're painful, and I'm always terrified stuff gets under them. So, I use a nail brush while washing my hands. I also filed them down (which HURT) because I'm convinced that could get rid of anything underneath them. But it still doesn't feel enough. Because I have loose skin and hangnails around my nails, and I'm paranoid as well that stuff gets under dry skin. Not to mention my hands are so dry from washing that they're cracked and flaky and they peel, so I am worried that #2 or dirt gets under the flakes of skin. I know it sounds stupid, but I am so scared. Usually it feels irrational but it was such a state that I'm convinced there must be a speck of it on me somewhere. On my hands. And I'm terrified. I know I need to accept uncertainty but I'm struggling right now.