All of this happened to me after i started to be very interested about sex. I was reading different articles on the internet, things on wattpad, even started to watch p*rn. And i was feeling aroused when looking at girls, and at first, i didn't think much about it, but after some months, i was talking to a girl about lgbt and the question popped in my head: what if i'm bi? It seemed stupid at first, because i had crushes only on boys in my life, but i started to remember these details and i got very anxious. I can't explain why i get aroused when i look at naked girls, maybe i'm subconsciously putting myself in their place, maybe i just associate it with something sexual, because i don't want to do anything with the girls i see. In that period, i started to get thoughts not only about girls, but about pedophilia, bestiality..it was horrible, and i feel like now it's all coming back. I remembered that some years ago i watched on youtube some videos of dogs mating and i don't know if i felt aroused, but i looked with curiosity...this disturbed me a lot at the moment and even now when i'm writing it i feel horrible, i'm trembling, i feel gross.. I don't understand my sexuality, it seems like everything sexual arouses me, or i don't know. But i feel ashamed to talk about this stuff with my therapist or my parents, i told them just the less shameful things. I don't know what to do. Do i have some sexual or hormonal disease? Am i a crazy creep? It's even worse that i'm disgusted with myself and i don't want to express these thoughts with anyone.

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!

I really really need help. Please. So, lately, I've started to notice that I may or may not have a bi side. I'm a girl, and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus and I don't want to do anything that's against his laws so I can't be a bi. I just can't. But lately, I've started to notice that when I see, like, a really beautiful lady, I feel some sort of attraction and tightness in my chest. I can't deny the tug I feel whenever I see a beautiful lady and I don't want it. I don't read or watch anything related to lesbianism and I can't deny that I find gay couples cute but being a lesbian has always been a no for me. It's been getting worse lately and last night I had a dream. So, there's this live TV show that's going on in my country and I had a dream about one of the contestants. Mind you, I have no interest at allll in this contestant. I barely see her on screen and I don't even like fee any connection for her whatsoever. But in the dream I had, she was offering herself to me to y'know, do some stuff and what happened to my body is what is still shocking me. I HAD NEVER FELT SO AROUSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still can't explain it. I don't know what happened or what's happening to me but I need help. Like serious help. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be bi. I don't want to. I feel like with each day that passes, I start to discover new, scary sides of me and my OCDs aren't even helping matters. Please, any advice at this point would do. I can't tell my mom or even my youth pastor cuz I'm too scared that they'll start to see me differently and start judging me.

Im a 22F i have struggled with ocd probably all my life but it really came to a head when i was 15 I had a severe panic attack surronding the potential of being lesbian or asexual. As a young child i did experiment with some of my friends and remembering feeling arousal. At the age of around 7 i started watching corn, mainly lesbian corn i guess i found it more arousing (This makes me very anxious would watch twerking or provocative stuff. Although from memory i only had crushes on boys. I still continued to watch corn changing types and so forth. When i got a bit older i became really shy and scared of boys i remember being 13 and this boy liked me and wanted to be my boyfriend i panicked and cried. I would panic for days after my first kiss worrying about people knowing or i was bad etc. I felt as though i would find guys attractive but wouldnt think “ I want them to rip my clothes off” i would think they are hot or nice to look at and may feel nice inside. Around the age of 13 i saw this girl at a cheer comp who i thought was stunning i became obsessed with her wanting to be her friend and even starting cheer at the gym i dont believe i wanted to be intimate with her but i cant really remember all i know is i started to by clothes i saw her wearing and wanting to be like possibly thought about a kiss but i cant remember and if i did i dont remember me thinking much about it at the time. Then when i hit around 15 it all came to ahead ending with me in the hospital from the sheer panic of being a lesbian bi or asexual. I had gotten over that theme but still felt my attraction was warped to some degree, and continuing porn use. i then enetered my first relationship and i liked him at the start but sex was an issue i felt excited but not satisfied due to manu reasons including contamination and checking if i felt attracted or aroused enough. Currently going through another episode of this and i really would like some help, advice and i know reassurance is not great but if anyone has experienced something similar. I cant picture myself in a relationship with a woman and i dont think im attracted to any women in real life but i also worry that im not attracted to boys either i just feel like my childhood is a stem for my anxiety with this theme Sorry for the long post