Of course I'm scared to ask this but I feel like I could feel a bit better with people that have been through the same thing, I haven't been diagnosed yet because my parents are scared of doctors or therapist telling me I'm crazy or something and they really support me but they are trying to do it on their own. What I think I have is Harm OCD and It's really interfering with my life as I'm trying to get through school but when these scary thoughts pop up constantly, my severe anxiety just kinds of kicks in right away and so I took it upon myself to recently book a free call secretly. I'm a Christian and have absolute faith but sometimes I think God wants to speak to us through other people or his "helpers/angels" and so I pray things will work out and I'll get better! It's gotten pretty bad since as a child I always played action games and watched action and horror movies and had no clue Id be insanely scared of all of it years later. I've gotten scared to the point where I was reading the OCD page and read the part where it said violent offenders are gratified by these thoughts and I got scared of this thought that maybe I'm secretly enjoying the thoughts but quickly pushed that away since it's quickly ruined my life by making me stay away from people and anything like knives and tools since I'm horrified to have thoughts when I look at them and even scared to be next to my parents or siblings so that thought got pushed away since I'm for a fact not gratified and instead scared, horrified, worried and other things too. I'm even scared of violence and blood now to the point where I'm exhausting myself everyday trying to thing of something to calm me and getting reassurance from my parents. I'm a teen and going to be old enough to move out pretty soon and don't want my life to be ruined because of this since I love my family and was an easy going guy and always had fun and laughed and was a good person. I would like to hear people's recovery stories. Thank you for reading this long paragraph since I could let out my worries finally!

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Hi, I have been through everything you said! I always watched horror movies, played violent video games and when I had harm thoughts I questioned everything about myself on who I really am, and even did exactly what you said. Read about violent offenders feeling gratitude towards harming others and that scares me to thinking I was one of them. I started ERP, and just accepted the fact that I can harm someone, I can’t be 100% certain I never will or won’t. No one can, I hope saying that doesn’t scare you. I had my harm thoughts in August of last year and now I’m living normally again. There is definitely hope, you just have to push yourself through the really scary parts, that’s what proves your fears wrong 🙂

kasibul

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I was a teen like you going through exactly what you’re describing. There was no app like this, no google, no information - this is different now. OCD is tricky and sometimes confusing, so get professional help, it’s available from NOCD - you have to tell your parents that this is what you want to do. If that’s not possible there are great books, like sally m. Winston “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts”.

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