Sometimes I feel like my good days are symptoms of bi polar depression. I guess it’s a mild ocd theme for me. But on my good days when my primary themes aren’t bothering me, my depression is lifted, I’m not dealing with headaches from my ocd and I’m a lot more productive at work and happy in general. I feel like maybe I’m experiencing mania of some sort. I don’t really think that’s what’s going on though, but I start second guessing. It’s like I can’t even enjoy feeling better. *sigh*

Yeah I guess that’s what it is. I still approach it like ocd thought and just say maybe maybe not. But I’ve been having a lot of weird mental health issues since around the time my ocd started last summer.

Also I read your profile. I’d like to know more about your story if you’re open to sharing?

@Ocdislame sure, what would you like to know?

@LydiaK I guess your story and how you practice self compassion in general. I don’t know if it’s the ocd or what, but lately I can’t seem to let go of things about myself. It makes me really feel I’m just a terrible person. There are so many things I’ve done in life I’m not proud of, I used to just brush it off, but the last few months I just haven’t been able to.

@Ocdislame Oh sure! Well, first of all I've changed little by little the way i talk to myself internally. For example, if i mess up with something, instead of saying "Are you fucking stupid?" i go like "It's okay, this happens sometimes". I also meditate daily in the morning before i do my work or anything else. It helped me focus on the present and now i get less disturbed by thoughts when i do something important or i try to relax. It's been proven that meditation can even change the shape of your mind so i highly recommend.Now getting back on topic, i just realized that in general i find hard to believe anything that has to do with viewing myself positively and that was because i spent many years of my life talking myself down due to bullying, the stressful environment in my house and many other factors. I hated my appearance (i no longer do) and my intellectual capabilities which based on my ocd and anxiety, are really low. That's the problem I'm currently working on.My impulses involve constantly checking my intellect with quizzes, iq tests and other random messed up ways. When i was ten the first theme i had, had to do with incest but i got over it with erp.

@LydiaK Thank you so much! Little bit different story than what I’m going through but was helpful nonetheless. Wish you the best!

@Ocdislame Hope everything goes well for you too❤️