This isn’t OCD related I just need to rant for a moment because I’m frustrated and need to talk about it. I’ve wanted to get my nose pierced for the longest time. Just a little stud (even though I would have to start with a ring but that’s fine) nothing too major or crazy. I told my friend and she said she would go get it done with me. I was excited and I know from past conversations with my mom and grandma that they don’t like that stuff and don’t think I should ever get one. Well today I decided I wanted to do it for myself and not worry about what other people think but I’m also that kind of person who doesn’t like to disappoint people and I’ve been setback so many times when my mom doesn’t support me with things. So when I told her about getting the piercing, she looked away with an attitude and had a disgusted look on her face and said “it’s your nose” so I just left the room. When I told her a while back I wanted to go back to college (because I quit) she was acting like I shouldn’t go. But I wanted to do it for myself. Whenever I mention moving out, she gives me a guilt trip or makes me feel bad or guilt if I left. My grandma is the same way. I mentioned to my grandma once just joking that I might get another tattoo and she said to “wait until I’m gone first” but yet my brother had tattoos. My mom was supportive of my tattoo that’s permanent but not a freaking nose piercing?! How does that even make sense? I get tattoos are easy to cover but still she was fine with me getting a tattoo. I wanted to play violin when I was a kid and she literally yelled at me saying it was a waste of money because I would give it up, jokes on her I played it for 9 years and she would always be on her phone during my concerts and would never encourage me or say things like good job or good concert like everyone else would. It’s not right to me. I get it I’m now 22 almost 23 years old and I can do things if I want to but it seems like whenever I try to do anything for myself, I get discouraged because I don’t want them to be upset with me or judge me like I have been my entire life. She doesn’t support anything I do. She makes me feel so small sometimes. I love my mom but it just doesn’t seem right to me. I so badly wish I could move out. And get this she wouldn’t let me move out but when I mentioned going across the country to California to visit a friend she said “you’re an adult you can do what you want”. But I can’t get a freaking piercing without it being a problem?! I’m trying to gain confidence and love myself and do things to benefit me but I can’t do that because I keep getting discouraged. I’m over it…

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

LONG VENT POST: This is my second post of the day. Seriously, I am SO sorry. I have therapy tomorrow, I promise I will shut up after this lmao. Anyway, for Memorial Day weekend, I spent it at my aunt/uncles vacation house. Fortunately it wasn’t a big crowd - just my mom, grandmother, aunt, uncle and I. For context, I come from a pretty big family, and I am the youngest of 7 cousins and a younger sister to two brothers. All my cousins are in their early to mid 20’s, each very successful in school and their careers. My half brother is 29, and absolutely crushing it. My full brother is turning 23, he’s also doing amazing with school. I just turned 20 in April, I feel very lost. I know I want to be a forensic psychiatrist one day, and that I want my PhD. I want to be the best therapist I can be, but the fact that I barely get by with ocd/adhd has been discouraging me, so I currently feel like a flop. Anyway though, spending time with my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents triggers my ocd the most, as majority of them can be on the judgmental side. ESPECIALLY my aunt, she’s on my moms side, and she and my mom are total opposites. My aunts a very calculated, straightforward, logical, stern, sassy buisnesswoman. She’s successful, but lacks a lot of understanding and can be so cold and just mean. My moms a kindergarten teacher in a struggling community, and she’s always thinking about others before herself, extremely emotional, caring, but neglects her own needs a lot. They’re sisters, and they bump heads a ton. My aunt and all of her kids aren’t neurodivergent. They simply don’t understand mental health. My mom does, thank god. My aunt and uncle think that if a kid is having a psychotic break, then that kid should be kicked out of the house and not helped at all. My mom and I entirely disagree with this idea, and that someone clearly mentally suffering NEEDS mental health help asap, and they need to be home. The streets are the last place someone suffering should be. While we were vacationing at the house, my mom argued about this with my uncle. I was asleep, thank god, but I seriously hate having people in my family like this. I can never tell them about me having ocd, they’ll think it’s just an “excuse” for not getting things done, or just me trying to feel special. The reality is, they don’t get it. My full brother went through the worst psychotic break a few years ago. It lasted two years on and off due to bipolar disorder, but thank god he got himself help and he’s doing absolutely amazing now. He’s frustrated and embarassed with himself but now he’s on track, and as I said, crushing it with school. But the entire time he was going through this, my aunt and uncle just didn’t understand. To keep it short, they thought his mental problems were behavioral, and that he’s a “crazy” kid. The reality is, he was coping with the loss of his childhood best friend and our other uncle who was like a second father figure to us. He had manic episodes from the grief and self medicating with drugs and alcohol. This was all the while Covid was happening and he was a freshman at a college states away. He was so vunerable. I’m saying all this because, well, how am I to seriously be forward about my mental struggles when they couldn’t even show the slightest amount of empathy to my brother, who was struggling, so much more intensely than me? I’m quiet at family gatherings when they’re around for this exact reason. I have so much resentment toward them for it. I try to avoid them when I can, because I love them, I just hate their actions/views. What do you guys do with these kinds of people?

my mom has been on this adhd kick where she thinks everyone has adhd instead of what they actually have because apparently it can present itself as anxiety. well i told her i was taking prozac because that’s something she needs to know since i still live at home. and she’s fine with it because it’s my choice. however, she comes into my room because she sent me a video about adhd. in the video, at the end, it says “girls with adhd may develop perfectionist or obsessive compulsive tendencies.” THEN, she has the audacity to tell me my compulsions didn’t start to show until after high school when that isn’t true at all. i just never talked about it, but of course she doesn’t believe me. i just feel so invalidated because after all of the hell i’ve been through, to be told i don’t have what i most certainly am positive i do have is atrocious. i would lose my mind if i was told i didn’t have ocd because of the intrusive thoughts i get that make me feel like a terrible person. i feel like being told that sets me back so far and makes me want to thought spiral a bit. i’m so upset.