So I LOVE writing but I'm terrified of accidentally typing out something bad, like a slur. It almost just happened and it scared me to death. I've rarely been so scared as this type of OCD makes me. And I want to stop writing because of the chance of typing something wrong but I love writing so much. It brings me so much comfort otherwise. It feels like daydreaming but better and it usually distracts me from my ruminating... but now it scares me and I hate that so much

KeyboardCat

Date posted: 3y

OCD attacks what you love. Don't let it take something you love from you! Here's what I think my therapist would recommend: type a slur. Type a list-- every offensive, awful thing you can think of. Then sit there and look at it until the excruciating anxiety shifts toward boredom (unbelievably, it will). Then you can erase what you wrote. Nobody else will be harmed by it. It will feel awful for you, at first, but it's better than losing your writing. If that sounds like way too much, you can also just try sitting with the IDEA of it. "I could write something hateful. I'd feel really bad about it. That's true, OCD." Same process: sit with the fear. Ask what it's about (are you afraid of adding to someone else's stress? Being shamed? Being secretly a bad person?). And again, just "sit in it" until you get bored. It's an awful experience, but it really, truly does help.

OCD is ://

Date posted: 3y

Thank you! The first does sound like too much, too scary, but the second suggestion sounds helpful :) I'll try!

KeyboardCat

Date posted: 3y

@OCD is the bane of my existence Good job! You got this. Keep on writing :)

KeyboardCat

Date posted: 3y

@helloyes555 Hey :) OCD latches on to what you're scared of. This might be a bit intense for you to read (and may be an exposure on its own): TW for tocd below. I have several friends who are trans, and I've never been very "good" at being a woman, so I wondered if I might be trans. To me it wasn't a scary thought, because all my friends are happier post-transition. I also never thought I'd do it on accident, because I saw how much work they had to do to get gender affirming treatment. I don't know anywhere in the world where they let you transition without delays, expense and paperwork. So, because I wasn't scared of the answer, I thought about it a bit and decided I wasn't trans, and my OCD left the question alone. For you, I'm guessing this fear goes to something deeper. Are you afraid of being socially rejected? Are you afraid of losing the things you like about being a man? Are you afraid of how you don't know what choices your future self might make? Are you just afraid your brain won't shut up about this and keep bugging you forever? I think an appropriate exposure is going to depend on what that fear is. Picture the worst happening. Admit that, wildly unlikely as it is, you COULD mistakenly decide you want to transition, and wake up ten years from now and decide it's a mistake. Imagine what that would be like. Feel it. Do that until the anxiety peaks (it will) and then you can move to the next part. Then, ask yourself if someone ELSE would find this scenario likely. Ask yourself what barriers exist between you and transitioning (they're a lot). Ask yourself if you've tried to initiate a transition before (actually tried, like asking a doctor about it, budgeting for it, finding out what your insurance will cover...) I'm not a therapist, btw. Just trying to channel what I think mine might suggest.

KeyboardCat

Date posted: 3y

@helloyes555 Good luck!

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

There's a Monty Python song where they say every slur they can think of...

shira_gui

Date posted: 3y

Hey. I don’t have this type of ocd, but I just want to say if you do something accidentally, it’s not your fault. And plus, it’s just writing and you can easily delete it :)

kels89

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I have had similar obsessions. Back when I was in grad school I had these thoughts when writing my thesis. Over the years and recently I have had thoughts like “what if I just yelled a curse word or said something offensive to someone?” You’re not alone in this. I hope you keep writing if it’s something you love! If you have a therapist this is definitely something you can work on with them.

Reallyparanoid

Date posted: 9d

I have a fear that was kind of similar where I was scared I sent a slur without knowing in a discord server or something so I just searched under my name for some slurs i could think of and nothing came up. I think that can help by doing a search command in your writing and seeing if anything shows up. This did make me a little scared to even type it in the search bar though but I knew it wasn’t toward anyone and for a reason. Idk if this sounds like good advice because I am unsure myself.

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