Thread
ocdandcoffee
16d ago

is there anyone here with ocd who is also the extremely jealous type?? i wish i wasn’t the jealous type and i don’t even want to be jealous i just am. this girl i’ve started liking and getting close with, i found her and some other girl flirting on each other’s post and it felt like a punch to the stomach. now i’m obsessively checking their accounts and posts to see if they comment/flirt more. just wondering if this has happened to anyone else who happens to have ocd. it also just hurts bc i feel like i’m no one’s first choice. i’m not exciting or interesting enough.

whatadooo
16d ago
Yes. I have retroactive jealousy ocd along with my ocd and just being a jealous person because of low self esteem.
cf05
16d ago
I am like this too and have very low self esteem. I have always felt like I’m no one’s first choice and it is now at an all time high because I am fearing that I may be gay. I have always identified as a straight woman and now I’m so terrified that my past jealousies are just a sign of me being gay. I have always gotten jealous when my friends would get boyfriends because I felt like no guys ever wanted me and it has really taken a tol on my self esteem. This is also a huge trigger for my SOOCD because it’s making me feel like my jealousy was actually me wanting to be with my friends, even though I have only ever pursued relationships with men. I don’t want to be a lesbian at all because it completely goes against my values and everything I know about myself, but the fact that I have felt these feelings in the past makes me feel like I must be gay. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’ve completely lost myself.
Mollito123
16d ago
Yes this was the first theme that really got me
cf05
16d ago
If you don’t mind me asking, how do you deal with it? I feel nothing like myself anymore because all of the thoughts in my head prove that I’m gay, but that isn’t who I want to be.
ranchdoritos88
16d ago
@cf05 - Have you tried ERP yet to help with it? I struggle with this theme too. I am starting a book called The ACT workbook for OCD. I also am on Luvox 300 mg and Abilify 10 mg.
cf05
16d ago
@ranchdoritos88 I have not tried ERP yet because I am afraid my thoughts will just prove to be true. I almost feel like I’d rather live with this than live with the truth, even though I am completely miserable and in a state of physical pain and panic at all times. I also wish I could start medication because the anxiety is becoming too much to bear but am not sure how to access it.