- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. I have retroactive jealousy ocd along with my ocd and just being a jealous person because of low self esteem.
- Date posted
- 3y
I am like this too and have very low self esteem. I have always felt like I’m no one’s first choice and it is now at an all time high because I am fearing that I may be gay. I have always identified as a straight woman and now I’m so terrified that my past jealousies are just a sign of me being gay. I have always gotten jealous when my friends would get boyfriends because I felt like no guys ever wanted me and it has really taken a tol on my self esteem. This is also a huge trigger for my SOOCD because it’s making me feel like my jealousy was actually me wanting to be with my friends, even though I have only ever pursued relationships with men. I don’t want to be a lesbian at all because it completely goes against my values and everything I know about myself, but the fact that I have felt these feelings in the past makes me feel like I must be gay. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’ve completely lost myself.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes this was the first theme that really got me
- Date posted
- 3y
If you don’t mind me asking, how do you deal with it? I feel nothing like myself anymore because all of the thoughts in my head prove that I’m gay, but that isn’t who I want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 - Have you tried ERP yet to help with it? I struggle with this theme too. I am starting a book called The ACT workbook for OCD. I also am on Luvox 300 mg and Abilify 10 mg.
- Date posted
- 3y
@ranchdoritos88 I have not tried ERP yet because I am afraid my thoughts will just prove to be true. I almost feel like I’d rather live with this than live with the truth, even though I am completely miserable and in a state of physical pain and panic at all times. I also wish I could start medication because the anxiety is becoming too much to bear but am not sure how to access it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Hi everyone! I have been having a rough time. So my boyfriend talks to his ex still as friends and I’ve been struggling with it lately and I can’t tell if it’s OCD or not but it does feel so distressing. She wasn’t texting him for about 2-3 months as she got into a relationship with this guy and they broke up. She had messaged him saying that she has no one else to talk to and needed to vent to someone. At first I felt okay, but my intrusive thoughts took over and it seemed like she was trying to get with him after the fact. It’s probably just my intrusive thoughts talking but he looks on Discord (the app where the message) constantly now and my intrusive thoughts convince me that he’s still in love with her. Then yesterday I saw one of his BeReals (a little photo app that shows a photo of the day) and I saw that he was watching one of her streams as she is a streamer. I struggled to talk about it because it made my worst thought feel like it came true where he is still in love with her. When we talked he gets a lil mad that I don’t tell him right away like straight up what I’m feeling but it’s hard to process because my thoughts flood in of all the worst things and I don’t want to come off as toxic at all and I know relationships are built on trust and I want to trust because this is literally the only thing that makes me nervous about him. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been cheated on before so I’m trying to protect myself but I’m lost. I get so depressed and so anxious because I feel like I have to grieve the relationship and it’s just so dramatic. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and I don’t wanna lose him by bringing this stuff up constantly when something occurs with his ex. I don’t know why I get triggered so easily and I just wanna heal from it and be the good girlfriend I’m supposed to be 😭
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve posted this under a comment before, but if anyone has the time to read it and maybe share their experience or tips with me, I would really appreciate it. This is just kind of the reason why Idk if I only have OCD or if I should get checked for BPD aswell as emotional dependency is (as far as I know) not a common symptom of OCD and neither are excessive changes in emotions/moods. I think the worst part my situation is that one of my biggest and most damaging if not destructive obsessions I developed earlier this year was this constant fear that my friend would lie to me about meeting up with a boy she liked (we are both girls and queer, she didn’t know that about me until recently, but I’ve known that she is and we both sort of crushed on each other). Not just lie, but do it behind my back, keep it a secret, and then maybe even end our friendship without saying anything. And the thing is... that basically happened. Two weeks ago she started acting strange one day out of nowhere, and then I found out (through another friend) that he was coming over to her place. We had already talked about this before, I had cried in front of her and confessed how much it hurt me. I know doing that probably wasn’t the healthiest thing, but my emotions completely overwhelmed me in that moment. And even though nothing physical happened between them, it still felt like a betrayal. I’m not saying it was cheating, obviously not, we’re not in a relationship and it is unfair of me to try and tell her who or not to date, but it still hurts. Especially as weeks ago, we already had a detailed conversation about this. She told me she didn’t actually like him that much, and that if they were going to meet again, she’d be honest with me about it. But instead of being honest that day, she said nothing. Worse, she suddenly stopped talking to me, which made me think I had done something wrong so I completely lost my mind. She knows I’m emotionally dependent on her to some extent, so when she goes cold or distant, I spiral. And that day, I saw them talking and going quiet as I walked by, and then she literally turned to walk into a different direction. I don’t know why but it just crushed me. I thought she was mad at me, and I just felt like I was being shut out and lied to. And as I’ve mentioned, later that day, after eight hours of crying, another friend told me what really happened. She even drove me to her place so we could talk. We did talk, but since then, we haven’t had any contact. And it’s driving me absolutely insane. She told me it would be “people-pleasing” if she didn’t try to date him. And I know she’s kind of right, but she still lied to me. She didn’t care if that meant that she would throw away our friendship, or at least she treated it like it was worth less than a potential (!) relationship with a guy who, as far as I know, didn’t even respond when she told him she had feelings for him. It’s honestly devastating. I feel betrayed, discarded, and totally lost and I know I can’t even logically be mad at her as the reason she didn’t tell me is obvious and as a good friend I should just be happy for her, but my emotional side is so much stronger than my logic.
- Students with OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- Existential OCD
- Magical Thinking OCD
- Suicidal OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 13w
I just randomly had this thought when I was driving and I’m super anxious. A couple weeks back I was really jealous of my gf and her guy friends playing card games together in one of their classes and I wanted to see if she would get jealous if I was paying more attention to my friends in my class, two boys one girl. She was in the class and my teacher was explaining a card game to one of my friends who is a girl and I was trying to see what he was saying and showing her but I had to get closer to do that and in the back of my mind I think I was trying to make her jealous by being closer to another girl. I’m terrified because I would never flirt or do anything with another girl. That girl also has a boyfriend. I’m just stuck in my thoughts right now and don’t feel like moving or doing anything, I feel like throwing up. Someone please comment and help me
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