- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes. I have retroactive jealousy ocd along with my ocd and just being a jealous person because of low self esteem.
- Date posted
- 3y
I am like this too and have very low self esteem. I have always felt like I’m no one’s first choice and it is now at an all time high because I am fearing that I may be gay. I have always identified as a straight woman and now I’m so terrified that my past jealousies are just a sign of me being gay. I have always gotten jealous when my friends would get boyfriends because I felt like no guys ever wanted me and it has really taken a tol on my self esteem. This is also a huge trigger for my SOOCD because it’s making me feel like my jealousy was actually me wanting to be with my friends, even though I have only ever pursued relationships with men. I don’t want to be a lesbian at all because it completely goes against my values and everything I know about myself, but the fact that I have felt these feelings in the past makes me feel like I must be gay. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’ve completely lost myself.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes this was the first theme that really got me
- Date posted
- 3y
If you don’t mind me asking, how do you deal with it? I feel nothing like myself anymore because all of the thoughts in my head prove that I’m gay, but that isn’t who I want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 - Have you tried ERP yet to help with it? I struggle with this theme too. I am starting a book called The ACT workbook for OCD. I also am on Luvox 300 mg and Abilify 10 mg.
- Date posted
- 3y
@ranchdoritos88 I have not tried ERP yet because I am afraid my thoughts will just prove to be true. I almost feel like I’d rather live with this than live with the truth, even though I am completely miserable and in a state of physical pain and panic at all times. I also wish I could start medication because the anxiety is becoming too much to bear but am not sure how to access it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I need advice. I’ve had OCD in different forms since I was eight. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He has always been subtly anxious and jealous. He would say things like, “I find everyone but you ugly” or “I could never find anyone else attractive.” That stressed me out morally, especially since it’s our first relationship and I, of course, want to be good enough for him. It started around the three-month mark of our relationship. Now to the problem: When I see someone who is attractive or cute, it already begins. I start thinking—or rather, I don’t just think, I feel. I genuinely and naturally feel these emotions, like I find that person attractive, like I like them, like I want them. I even feel infatuated, like I want to be with them, spend time with them, be their partner, even sexual scenarios or feelings like I love them. These emotions feel so natural and real that I can’t tell the difference. With one person, I’ve had these feelings for over a year. But I only know most of these people by sight. It could be that I’ve fallen in love with the idea of them. That’s a big issue for me. It completely goes against my moral values. I don’t want this. For me, it would be terrible to have a crush on someone else, to like someone else, or to fall in love with another person. Or worse, to love someone else. Because I do love my partner, and I want a future with him. And I know the relationship wouldn’t survive if my fears came true. Even if he always tells me, ‘No, I wouldn’t break up with you,’ I couldn’t live with it myself. And the thing is, it’s not even such an unrealistic fear. It’s not like I’m afraid I want to kill someone or that I have feelings like that. No, this topic I’m dealing with involves real people. There are many people who suddenly fall for someone else, who develop a crush or even fall in love with another person. And I can’t reconcile that with myself. A year ago, I saw someone, and it hit me like a shock (I think in a negative way). Yes, he is attractive or cute. But in that moment, I felt so much fear, panic, and adrenaline because I felt and thought that I liked him more than my partner. When that happens, I start testing my feelings again. And of course, I feel exactly what I’m afraid of. I then constantly feel this pressure or burden, along with guilt. When I think about a scenario, or imagine the person, those feelings come immediately—followed by fear, panic, and guilt. Because of that, I avoid certain places, things, or even numbers because I’m afraid of being triggered. By now, I’m convinced these are my true feelings, because I just can’t imagine that OCD could produce such emotions, and for such a long time—sometimes over a year. I simply don’t want this. I just feel awful, like a monster. What should I do?
- Date posted
- 21w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
- Date posted
- 19w
I just randomly had this thought when I was driving and I’m super anxious. A couple weeks back I was really jealous of my gf and her guy friends playing card games together in one of their classes and I wanted to see if she would get jealous if I was paying more attention to my friends in my class, two boys one girl. She was in the class and my teacher was explaining a card game to one of my friends who is a girl and I was trying to see what he was saying and showing her but I had to get closer to do that and in the back of my mind I think I was trying to make her jealous by being closer to another girl. I’m terrified because I would never flirt or do anything with another girl. That girl also has a boyfriend. I’m just stuck in my thoughts right now and don’t feel like moving or doing anything, I feel like throwing up. Someone please comment and help me
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