Hi everyone, I’m knew to this but 5 months ago I started suffering from HOCD, I constantly obsessed about being gay. I knew I wasn’t but I had all the different thoughts and feeling flowing around me it made me believe that my thoughts were true. I cried and panicked so much because I didn’t think something like this could happen to me, I’ve always liked boys from god knows what age, always fell in love with a boy, 2 nights ago I was lying in bed with the thoughts all rushing through my mind and one popped up which was “what if you were really a boy” and then another popped in and was like “what if you shaved your hair like a boy” I was so scared I was shaking so much, ever since they thoughts I feel like I’m just a boy in a girls body, it makes me feel as if I want to be a boy, i have cried non stop since these thoughts have appeared, I have a boyfriend, before all of these thoughts I’d never think of anything like that I was happy being a girl I was comfortable in my own skin, I have never thought about being a boy up until 2 nights ago. Is this normal to obsess about and to feel this way with OCD. I’m so scared I don’t feel like me anymore since this had happened. Someone please give me some advice.

Read this article it explains a lot- http://www.psychologyandbehavior.com/hocd-homosexual-ocd-sexual-orientation/

yes, it sucks very bad :( we can fight through this though!

me too! it feels like i’ve lost myself. what i don’t get is that i love what i look like and my female body but i get so worried that i feel like a guy inside and ughhh what doesn’t help is that the ocd is good at replicating what that could feel like and it makes you feel worse and anxious so you can’t feel like you and that makes everything seem even more real

Yeh me too, I used to go to gym love my figure and stuff but now my mind makes me think I hate it, the worse thing is I have a boyfriend and I feel like things are just going to get ruined.

But I mean is it normal to constantly obsess about being a boy, before this thought it was HOCD and when I had that I didn’t once get thoughts about me being a boy so how can this suddenly just occur ?

i have this too, its tocd - transgender ocd. ive had it for years

It’s such a horrible thing to experience, I honestly don’t feel myself anymore.

Are you on any medication for your obsessive thoughts ?

no , not really. i refuse to take antidepressants because they wont do alot. changing your thinking is the key

I feel as if medication is my only option as I try so hard to change my thinking, I try to keep my mind occupied but it’s always just that one thought that keeps popping back in when it realises that I’m not thinking about it, if you know what I mean.

try to practise mindfulness

i have the same thing too—it’s so horrible. i hate how real it feela

It does feel so real doesn’t it, I don’t understand how one little thought can cause you to start to obsess, I honestly wish I would just have the hocd thoughts again cause these tocd thoughts are just really distressing and I just don’t feel like me anymore.

Ever since the thought, whenever I think about dressing up in my girly clothes my head makes me think I shouldn’t be doing that as I’m a boy, when before I loved wearing girl clothes etc. I’m so scared.

how long has it been? it’s been almost a month for me... my mind keeps imagining me as a guy and it’s so so hard to fight. i hate it so much. do you find that it seems like it mistakes attraction for wanting to be a guy? i hate this ghh

It’s only been 3 days for me since all these thought come, I honestly cannot deal with them I wake up during the night shaking.

ughh me too! what worries you? like, what are your triggers?

I don’t know what my triggers are, it just come 3 days ago it’s just constantly playing on my mind, so if I sit like a girl or something my mind makes me think I shouldn’t be sitting like that as I’m a boy.

ughh same. my mind constantly will make me imagine myself as a guy doing the things i’m doing and i hate it

Are you getting any help?

not really. i’m with a really small support group on snapchat but not much else. i’m really struggling and it feels like i’ve sorta forgotten who i truly am since there’s so much anxiety

Yeah I’m the same here!! I was talking to my mum and I said her I don’t feel like me anymore, I look at pictures of me and my anxiety hits the roof because my mind keeps making me think that’s no me anymore.

me too! and my mind tries to make me feel as if i think i’m trapped as a girl and that frustrates me. it also makes me overanalyse what i do: my voice, walk, actions, attractions, body, thoughts, etc to see if i’m acting like a guy

I don’t think there’s a lot of information on this type of OCD, and that’s what makes me worse cause I don’t see much about it. I mean I’m happy with who I am but my mind just keeps making me think I’m a boy or that I should be a boy and I do the exact same things as you. It’s horrible I just want to go back to my old self :((

I know I’m into men even after all of this HOCD experience but because I’m into men my head is making me think I’m a gay man inside a girls body and it is freaking me out. I feel ok for about 5 mins and then the thoughts all come flowing in.

me too!! actually exactly the same here :/ it’s like,,, men are so attractive my mind makes me think i want to be one

Yeh it’s like when watching telly and I’m looking at a boy, my mind makes me think I’m looking cause I want to be like them. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna feel normal again.

me too :/ i’ve always loved being a girl and i’m so confused. are you ever so worried about being dysphoric your brain tries to make you feel like you are?

I haven’t actually heard of that before, but my brain is constantly trying to convince me that I am ever since the thought first come.

Wow I just read what it was and that make me freak out.

oh no! i’m so sorry!! do you need anything? i feel so so bad

It’s ok, I mean if any of us had that it says we would have known from childhood and stuff but like I’ve always seen myself as a girl in the right body until 2 days that’s why I think I know it’s ocd cause I was obviously struggling from HOCD and then it changed to this from a stupid thought.

me too. it worries me since i’m 15 that i’m still kinda young but i’ve always always been happy being a girl and if i ever had the passing thought of being trans like we all do i would brush it off knowing i was super comfortable as a girl and loved my body. so that’s reassuring that i’m not dysphoric at least

I mean I’m 18 and I’ve always loved my body, I always felt comfortable too. Since I’ve had the thoughts it’s made me think I hate my body and stuff like I’m not happy with it and making me hide away but it’s the power of OCD it makes us believe stuff that just isn’t true, I’ll even look in the mirror now and think I look like a boy it’s ridiculous but the thoughts are so strong I can’t seem to escape them cause they are so convincing. Next Saturday I’m going to see a therapist about it all hopefully they can help me deal with all of this cause it gets really stressful and draining cause I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life, I want me back.

please do! this is so tough to deal with and we need all the help we can get. i have the same thoughts so you’re definitely not alone! it’s all ocds lies

If you are needing help at all, after I’ve seen my therapist I’ll try my best to let you know what she says and how the best way to cope with it is.

sure! thanks so much! i feel like part of it is ocds creativity and our ability to empathise with others

do you ever quickly imagine yourself as a guy? i hate this so much. my mind makes it seem like i want that since i want to be with a guy but it feels so real

yeah

I’m constantly feel sick and have a lot of anxiety in my stomach as I keep thinking I am now I boy and stuff and that I hate my body when before I loved it. I give up.

Does it ever make you guys feel like that’s what use want

yes all the time and i hate it

So upsetting cause I don’t feel like me anymore when I want too

me also! it’s the worst when there’s an attractive guy on tv or movies and my mind is like what would that feel like? you’re jealous! you wanna be one!

It’s like I feel like me for a little while then it all just comes back

same here ughhh,,, i’ll be happy and fine and then a bit later i’ll be back into the worry spiral and feeling like i’m not me

Yep I’m the exact same, least we know we ain’t alone and that we ain’t crazy

phew! do you struggle with comparing yourself to guys and girls? i hate that my mind makes it seem like i can relate to guys but not girls :/