Does anybody else have this, I’ve got to a stage where I feel no anxiety or disgust or shame surrounding my intrusive thoughts, this in turn gets me worried as for the past few weeks I have woken up and I have been convinced that I am the person that I have feared for the most part of a year. I used to hate having these thoughts but now my mind always says things like “that wouldn’t be so bad” or “other people have done why don’t you” but I don’t want to act on these thoughts but it’s like my mind has given up over time and said “I’m done just do it, you don’t see a problem anymore”. Even when I say to myself I wish I could go back, even before I had these intrusive thoughts I always wanted to go back to a time in which I didn’t have crippling anxiety, but now my mind says “you don’t want to go back” but I know I do. I thought I was getting better this week as I started reading a book which says to accept the thoughts are there but it’s hard to read as most pages say stuff like “you fear what you might become” or “ the anxiety is too much” but like I said it feels like I’ve moved past that stage and I feel as if I’m at my worst because I don’t fear the person that I think I am which is terrible 😞. I don’t understand how you can fear/disgusted/ashamed about something for a really long time, try to tell yourself everyday that your not that person (without succession) but then now barely feel any of that and feel as if your a completely different person. Whenever something controversial comes up in conversation with my friends/family I feel nothing, I feel as though if I say something it will be a lie. Whenever I talk about girls with my mates I feel as though if I say that I’m attracted or turned on by them I’m lying to them and I’m secretly this monster. Sorry for the long paragraph (to whoever reads this) but I just feel at my worst at the moment because of zero emotions towards anything, I feel like I’m the exception, I feel like I don’t really need to do my compulsions I’m just doing them for the sake of doing them, ultimately I feel as if I don’t have OCD, I made it up in my head as I didn’t know anything about it till I looked it up so my brain probably latched onto that like a crutch and said “yeah we’ll just say we have that”.