I feel this. I get scared I’m the exception. For me, it’s on and off though. I have Sexual Orientation OCD, I identify as a straight woman, but have intrusive thoughts about being with a woman. I don’t want to be, it doesn’t feel like me, it’s not what I desire. But sometimes I have feelings that it is what I want.
I feel like after all this time for fighting for me, that I’m not into women, I sometimes feel like I’m faking it and trying to run from the truth. I get scared I’m the exception. I get scared that I want to be with women. I feel like I’m lying to myself, my boyfriend, and my family. I feel horrible. This disorder is horrible and hard.
Sometimes I feel so defeated because I fear that this is real. I feel like when I feel “okay” and I look back on moments I felt “okay” that I’m just a liar. This is so hard.
It’s distorted the way I see myself, the way I see my partner, and the way I see my family and life. I’m tired of this. I wish it could all go away.
I don’t know if I relate to what you’re saying, but feeling like the exception and like I am my feared thoughts, I understand. I’m confused and I’m scared.