I've been really struggling with the taboo theme of "Race OCD" & I'm finding it hard to function/find myself avoiding people out of fear of being perceived as racist. I constantly worry that I'm being perceived as racist. I'm white, I consider myself to be an ally to BIPOC and to work on being anti-racist. Lately though, I get hit with a ton of intrusive thoughts about coming across as racist when I speak to BIPOC, which causes anxiety, which my anxiety probably then appears racist to the other person. I can't imagine what BIPOC have to endure on a daily basis just because of their skin color, so I'm not trying to make this about me. It's pretty severe and it's attacking my core, because this "theme" feels opposite to what I value (being an ally, fighting to be anti-racist & dismantle racism) & who I am. I can tell that other people notice I'm anxious when I interact with them, and I just hate that I'm displaying nervousness because I'm sure it makes the other person uncomfortable. I know I'm coming off as anxious to other people. I know it because I'm trying so hard not to be perceived as racist, to get the interaction "right", that interactions just get weird, anxiety filled & awkward & I'm sure the other person is like WTF, this person is a racist. I don't know how to stop getting so lost in my head and being anxious around BIPOC. It makes me sick to my stomach that a person of color triggers my anxiety & I become outwardly anxious. I feel awful. I dont know if it's because I've become hyper aware about race and the atrocities that happen to people of color because of racism, or what is happening. But, its awful because I'm getting anxious around POC and I know I'm physically appearing anxious.

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

Yea the irony of all this obsession with not being racist is that it makes you kinda racist... because you become distracted with the race of the person you're talking to and don't see them for them. I suggest getting non-white roommates... black Latino Asian whatever... that will cure you

excalibre-ho...

Date posted: 3y

hey bud. telling people suffering from a certain theme that theme is kind of true isn't helpful and is in fact harmful. this person came here for help.

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

@excalibre-hotmessexpress Sry that's not my intention thanks for pointing it out

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

@excalibre-hotmessexpress I meant that the guilt over it isn't helpful.. like you are best off just getting to know folks of a variety of backgrounds then you get comfortable and you can relax a bit.

excalibre-ho...

Date posted: 3y

Exactly, yeah that makes sense. I thought that was probably what you meant, but I didn't want to accidentally trigger this person more, you get me? That's why I said it as gently as I could.

compulsion5000

Date posted: 3y

@excalibre-hotmessexpress Yes I see it now. You had a good point

excalibre-ho...

Date posted: 3y

My latest theme has been Race OCD and I found it helped me a lot to read "How To Be An Antiracist" by Ibram X Kendi. Knowing what to do and what racism is exactly was helpful and worked as ERP. The people who know and love you well won't think less of you for displaying symptoms of your OCD, especially when they know you are trying. As for strangers, unless you are performing physical and verbal acts of racist abuse, most won't read your nervous energy as you being racist-- if they notice you are nervous and awkward, they probably assume you have social anxiety or have a crush on them. Or a speech impediment. As much as it causes you anxiety, I recommend going to (COVID SAFE) events and practice talking to all sorts of different people. Like all ERP, it becomes easier the more you do it, and you may even make friends. Speed dating might also help. I've seen you post about this multiple times, here and on Reddit, for a long time,, and until I went through it myself I had no idea how to help you. I know how soul-crushing it is to go through this one. Know you are not alone and you can get through this.

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