nicklepickle
- Date posted
- 3y
cf05cf05
- Date posted
- 3y
Hi there. I am sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I am currently a first timer over here struggling with TOCD that feels so incredibly real. I can barely even function, I don’t know what to do. It feels as though these thoughts are real and the anxiety accompanying them is because I know they are true and just don’t want to admit it. I am so scared because, as a straight female, I do not ever want to be transgender. How did you manage to find relief from your symptoms and remind yourself that your TOCD thoughts do not define you and your true desires?
nicklepicklenicklepickle
- Date posted
- 3y
i had been dealing with it for 4 months and was panicking every single day. i had read online that the only way to stop ocd thoughts was to just accept that maybe they were real and maybe they weren’t, and there was nothing i could do about it. it was terrifying at first because it felt like i was letting my ocd win, but in the long run it was the best thing i could have done to combat that specific theme
cf05cf05
- Date posted
- 3y
@nicklepickle I appreciate that. Unfortunately, it feels like everything is just leading me to this point, even though I desperately do not want to feel this way or live in fear that I am meant to be transgender and will never be able to escape it, even though that is the last thing I want. If I may ask, did you ever get physical sensations about your TOCD thoughts where you like visualized yourself as the other gender or felt like you looked/sounded in that way? These things just started happening to me and I am now convinced with almost certainty that this is real and that it must be what I really want because it feels so much like gender dysphoria rather than ocd.
nicklepicklenicklepickle
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 i did and the amount of panic that i felt when that would happen to me helped in me understanding that i’m not trans because if i was i would like it. i know it feels like you do but i can promise you even though it’s hard that you absolutely do not or you wouldn’t be fighting with yourself so hard over it. i know how awful and uncomfortable and panic inducing tocd can feel, and how it completely takes over your brain and you feel suffocated. it is literally debilitating. all i can do is promise that you will feel better eventually
cf05cf05
- Date posted
- 3y
@nicklepickle Thank you. It’s starting to feel as though I like it, even though I think if I did I would not be sick to my stomach over it
nicklepicklenicklepickle
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 that’s exactly what i’m talking about. if you liked it, you wouldn’t feel so awful and stressed all the time
cf05cf05
- Date posted
- 3y
@nicklepickle If you don’t mind me asking, did you feel like people were constantly going to “figure you out”? I’m always on edge but I also have social anxiety so I can’t tell if this is a combination of my ocd + my social anxiety or if the reason that I have both ocd and social anxiety is because I am actually transgender. I would not want to live if I. Was
nicklepicklenicklepickle
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 that was not a worry of mine, but i was also so in my head and stressed all the time i wasn’t thinking about the people around me
Pkava56Pkava56
- Date posted
- 3y
If it does come back you can handle it. You beat it once you can beat it again. Stay strong
Related posts
Vee <3
- Date posted
- 13w
Heyyyy!
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
g_rangel
- Date posted
- 12w
spiraling again.
i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time
flowerpetals
- Date posted
- 11w
word vomit
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
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