I’m starting to think I’m just in denial and it scares me. When I was ruminating I came to the conclusion that my intrusive thought was true and I agreed with the contents. And then a few seconds later it freaked me out and made me so upset. Like I don’t want to agree with it and I don’t think I do, but I legit did in that moment and it’s horrifying. Like am I just in denial!!! Ah!

There’s something that happens that keeps me stuck in a thought, it’s when I can see some part of myself agreeing with or relating to it in some way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. If I can understand *why* the thought is there, doesn’t that mean it’s not just random? Doesn’t that mean it actually reflects something about me? For example **(TMI/TW)**: I had the thought, *“I wonder what other people’s kinks are (including friends, family, even teenagers).”* And then I caught myself thinking, *“Well, I guess that could be interesting information… maybe I wouldn’t even stop someone from sharing it with me. Does that mean I actually want to know? Wait—does that make me perverted or incestuous for even having this curiosity?”* The same thing has happened with other thoughts, like wondering what someone’s privates might look like. I recognize that, on some level, that could be interesting—but does that mean the thought is truly mine? Maybe the answer is super obvious and I just can’t see through my OCD smoke. This was a bit embarrassing for me to write 🥲, but can anyone provide some insight?

Hey yall, having a tough time. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts while I self pleasure and it GENUIENLY feels like I enjoy them for whatever reason. And then now about half an hour later it’s like okay it’s a sexual thought but I might not actually like it. Idk I just really hate myself, because I basically genuinely liked it in the moment

So I was enjoying some “me time” and had intrusive thoughts, but it felt like just for a second I liked it. Like I’m holding myself back from “enjoying” the thought. And the thoughts are related to things I was into when I was younger, but sometimes I feel like I might still like it even though 9/10 I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Is this common? Or is this just denial? Thanks