I was doing good this morning at school, just having a thought here and there, but not getting startled by them. Once I got home, though, the fear came back. Now I'm feeling terrified, sad and tired. I'm just so done with this nonsense. Why can't these insane thoughts just let me alone? If I really wanted what they tell me I do, I wouldn't be feeling like this. Would I? This is just an illness, but it seems so real, it feels like I'm just avoiding the truth, and it hurts so bad to think about this in this way.

I get you dear Lavender. Ocd tricks you into thinking that maybe you are just in denial or avoidance. It's just how it works. It is life sucking

Learning how to identify what OCD is will help you invalidate the thoughts that come with it. If you already know a certain thought is obsessive and it comes to your mind, then you will know it isnt real

Yes, Charice, it really does feel that way. Sometimes it feels like I can gasp for some air, just to be sucked by the water again. Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot. And maga, I keep having to remind myself that this is only ocd, but sometimes I go on thinking that maybe it's really true, and that ocd is just showing me who I really am, which is terrifying. This isn't who I want to be at all. I feel disconnected from myself, I feel cold, tired and hurt. Maybe this is detachment? I have no idea.

Today I felt the same way you did. I asked myself: if these thoughts aren't real, why would I think them? If they have no basis, why have I spent so much time and energy battling them. Why would I worry about such stupid, nonsensical shit? It's the wrong question to ask I guess, cuz it ends up giving life and importance to the thoughts. That doesn't stop me from asking myself that. I guess I just have to admit that some questions have no rational answer