Hey friend, so sorry to hear how much you are struggling. I’m here for you. I’m also a therapist that works with OCD and am specialized in ERP And existentialism. Does not knowing what happens after we die mean we have no purpose in life? What if there is a purpose and you just don’t know what it is? What if our purpose is just the fact that we get to decide our own purpose? These are all Questions that none of us can actually answer. There’s no way to know for sure. Sure most of us have our own beliefs, but we still don’t actually know for sure. We are all making our best guess. Maybe there is no point in life and we will never know. But even if there isn’t, don’t you want to try to enjoy your life to the best you can while you’re alive? Don’t you think you should live as if there is a purpose in case there is one? Don’t you think that even if we don’t know if there’s actually a purpose or not, that the deciding that there is a purpose and living as if there is one gives our lives purpose? What if deciding that there is purpose is the purpose.
You may benefit from Victor Frankl’s man’s search for meaning book it talks about all this stuff.
I haven’t experienced this, but even though we all will pass away, we still have time on this earth. We should use it do make good decisions and to live a great life. You do have purpose, you do have a soul, you are okay. Try going back to these passions or find new ones. It is difficult, but truly you do have purpose and you are able to experience life. Try to remember that these thoughts will go away, try to just recognize that you don’t mean these thoughts and that you want to be happy. Try doing those things you enjoy and not pay attention to those thoughts you don’t like.